What do you KHs do to make your man more submissive

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by BKwife, Oct 29, 2021.

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  1. BKwife
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    Hey fellow Queens. My hubby and I have given this lifestyle a go many times, with fantastic results and not so good results. What do you find works best at making your man feel submissive. My man is not generally a submissive person and he fights it a lot even though he wants this as bad as I do. I really want ideas to do on a regular basis, keep his (and my) interest all week. Little things, big things. All ideas welcome
     
  2. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Are you open to suggestions from non-keyholders?

    Glad to hear from you again!
     
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  3. BKwife
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    Absolutely! And thanks☺️
     
  4. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    Let him feel that you are serious about chastity and changing him into what you want him to be.

    My wife has been doing this with me for several years and I feel more and more every day that I can no longer escape her clutches.
     
  5. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Wonderful to read!
     
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  6. Xileh
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    #6 Xileh, Oct 29, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2021
    Rather than give you a laundry list of how-to ideas, insight into what makes him tick will give you what you need.

    To start, you need the basics of what heterosexual men respond to. I assume heterosexual in this case, since that seems to be your relationship.

    He craves your attention. He also fears rejection. This is the basis of the “lock and forget” dread. Pay attention to him. A simple verbal reminder of his chaste state and how much you love him being caged can go a long way. Cop a feel, give it a tug. Just notice him. His resistance will start to fade as you focus your attention and he gains trust he won’t be abandoned.

    Men respond to three simple things; anticipation, hope, and dread.

    Anticipation, for something good or pleasurable, is an incredibly powerful tool at your disposal. It is a multiplier. Tell him something is going to, or might happen. Then, wait. Let his imagination do the work for you. For something good, a little time for him to think about it will make it 10x better.

    Hope, is a great motivator. He longs for attention, sexual release, and sensual contact with you. For example, if you were to cut off all chance of pleasurable orgasm for him, you loose your most powerful tool. Conversely, too many orgasms, your tool is not as effective. Denial of any sort, counters hope and if used correctly, reinforces your power and his submission. There is a delicate balance between hope and denial. Use denial wisely if you want him to eagerly follow you.

    Dread, similar to anticipation, involves something distasteful, uncomfortable, or painful. Dread motivates good behavior to some extent. Usually associated with some form of punishment. Similar to anticipation, time is an intensity multiplier.

    All of this requires communication from you. To make this recipe work, just add your imagination. You know his responses, fantasies, and buttons better than anyone. You will accomplish your goal. A motivated and intelligent woman, can be devastatingly creative and effective.
     
  7. Xileh
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    I need to add one more thought. If you successfully lead him into submission, your position needs to be real. You cannot approach this as a form of role play and succeed. If he detects even once that you are not serious, you will loose him.

    @Turma is spot on about this.
     
  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    For me, one thing that gets me all gooey, I absolutely melt when she verbally asserts herself.

    For example, her asking “I should would like a foot rub” is ok, but “rub my feet” works better. “I am going to _______ and then _____.” Being in total control of everything to do with my activities that are expected. Me going down and her and staying locked is just fine. But verbally spelling it out like, “you’re going to lick my pussy until I’ve had my fill, and then you are going to thank me for letting you” and push his head down. Asking little questions like who is in charge, who’s does this little dick belong to, do you think you deserve to be unlocked. I love the verbal stuff, and the physical small motions that go with.

    Pushing the head down is a classic. Tugging on the cage while riding his face is another physical dominance move. A squeeze, a pat, or if wearing the key I tend to notice her playing with it.

    When she actively asserts herself without giving me a choice or is specific about giving direction, I get all weak in the knees.
     
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  9. Cecilia B
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    Cecilia B Long term member

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    I require husband to crossdress. For some reason, when he's all pretty, he's submissive.

    I use a firm tone of voice with him. I raise my voice only when necessary. I like to call myself a Karen, but I'm the Karen who wants to speak to your manager, not the Karen who calls the police on some guy who's watching birds in the park.

    I put on and take off his chastity device. This affirms my Authority to decide when he's locked up and when he's let out.

    I require him to kiss the implements used to apply physical discipline to his bare bottom. I also require him to bring them to me. The same goes for when he's going to be locked up. He has to bring me the pouch with his chastity device in it. He has to kiss it and give it to me. I take the device, lock and key out of the pouch. He has to kiss the device before I put it on. Before I put the lock on the locking pin, he has to kiss it. Then he kisses the key, which I put around my neck. When it's time to unlock him, he kisses the key. I take off the lock and make him kiss it. I take off the device and make him kiss it. I put it all back in the pouch, he kisses it, then puts it away.. I have him kneeling in front of me for as much of this as I can.

    I require him to wait on me. He has to stand ready to serve. I ring a bell, even if he's in the same room. He's always in a maid dress when he has to serve me. I require him to curtsey.

    When he's in chastity or under Discipline, I require him to address me as "Ma'am" or "Miss Cecilia"
     
  10. BKwife
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    To address you all, and thank you for your input. I am VERY SERIOUS about chastity and him serving me. We have been together for over 40 years and have been dabbling in chastity for a couple years. Our problems are
    1. Him always toping from the bottom
    2. Me, doing good for couple days then I start slacking off. Feel like sometimes i struggle with what to say/do. I’m sure i overthink things and a simple word or gesture would suffice but i really want to SUCCEED AT THIS for the both of us. I just want this all to be second nature to me
     
  11. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    BKwife

    This is a very common problem. In fact, your number 2 is a direct result of number 1.

    The fact is many men come to chastity not from a space of submissiveness but from a space of wanting even more attention paid to their dicks, so you are feeling an obligation to perform, so to speak.

    If a man is not already submissive by nature and you have to fight him to get there, then you have your work cut out for you.

    Unfortunately, anything we say here is related to our own likes/dislikes and may not translate for your situation.

    Someone up above said they make their man cross dress - that won't work on me. instead I will become uncomfortable and anxious and less likely to be obedient, and be resentful. You have to find what works in your situation, not others.

    With that said - communicate - and observe. Try different things and notice what works and doesn't work. At the end of the day, you are in charge and you can simply act like it. Take successes and build on those and you will be pleasantly surprised how he comes around.

    Perhaps treat him how you would treat a puppy: rewards for being good, punishments for being bad. What forms those take depend totally on the guy.

    Most of all, have fun.
     
  12. Xileh
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    Have you given thought to your style of dominance? Are you being directed to act differently?
     
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  13. subhubandy
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    subhubandy CFnm loving sub hubby

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    Hhmmm, what makes me feel submissive?
    -wearing the device, constant reminder of my position
    -wearing an apron when working in kitchen or cleaning bathroom
    -have to wait for permission to orgasm
    -she always pays when we are out together
    -when she grabs my crutch to check the cage
    -when she has me lie on edge of bed to await a spanking
    -when she has me standing facing a corner and she is in bed pleasing herself with a vibrator
    -immediately after orgasm she has me lick it up
    -every morning I am required to weigh myself and record
    -when I shave cuckold and balls
    - when she texts me a stilleto emogee- means she has orgasmed without me
     
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  14. Headtrip
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    I don't (at least didn't) see myself as submissive. My lovely Queen has been extremely patient and equally unrelenting. Slowly we have progessed, but seldom backward. Top from the bottom? That is pretty hard when she is strong enough.

    Point being: do what YOU want to do. Listen to him of course. Get him to tell you what works but respond in your own way and use everything he says to expand your power ("No" is one of the sexiest words he can here). See if you can really feel the power and once you do he will be spellbound.

    It has taken me 2+ years to really appreciate the submission
    Through it all she has listened and made it tons of fun but never let me top. As others have said, teasing and attention are huge. You cannot show him enough how hot his locked status gets you.

    Sorry, I am no one to give a KH advice, just relaying what worked in our case. I hope you find the right formula in yours.
     
  15. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    Then it's just the "games" you're looking for, little nasties and niceties that you can do to have your fun.

    My wife likes to use the orgasm to tease me or just the generation of horniness. We had done it again just yesterday. Shopping with a remote controlled vibrator in the butt. At the same time an electro shock on the balls.

    While shopping you played all the time with the Vibratorionleveln and always when you realized that it comes to me switched off and a few "blows" of electricity to interrupt.

    Since the whole thing took place in a public room and yesterday was very busy, I had to suppress myself like hell not to moan.

    At the same time she could control every now and then, as slowly but surely the moisture increased.

    Since we have approached several stores she has reached into the pants while driving and thanks to latex briefs "stood" the precum in the pants.

    Arrived home I was then processed with a strapon, just enough that I'm horny and the balls became really blue.

    After that I had to immediately satisfy them only to hear constantly that I only get an orgasm when I do it well.

    Well, 5-6 times for you an orgasm was probably not good, but I was sent to bed without orgasm and because I was of course horny and still am, tied up so that I do not try at night with an anal dildo or vibrator to provide relief.

    This morning I write this down now, my wife looks at it amused and reminds me just again that I do not need to hope if I do not behave as you would like it today.

    That works - believe me :)
     
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  16. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    By the way, sorry for the you and her mix up and the typos today.

    I think you can tell that I'm still done from yesterday and it's about to start again.

    Shopping

    And you know now what this can mean.
     
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  17. Guy Masterleigh Bt
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    Cross-dressing works for many, particularly explicitly as a maid.

    But even if you don't go that way, controlling what he wears can be effective.

    Perhaps dressing as a male servant.

    Or insisting he always wears shorts.

    Or a kilt, at home, or in public.

    Keeping him barefoot, or just sandals.

    Having him wear a plug can work too.

    Controlling what he eats and drinks, too, denying him luxuries you allow yourself.
     
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  18. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    This is a key insight (no pun intended), but not one with an easy answer. You need to make this about you and/or about your marriage and improving your relationship and intimacy. For me, we replace penis focus with vagina focus, explicitly recognizing her life-giving and multi-orgasmic biological superiority and my history as a masturbator as reasons I should seldom be released.
     
  19. true42
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    I don't have much good advice, but the one bit of advice that I have is that you get really confident saying that line, and use it on him any time that there is any doubt. There is absolutely nothing that makes my knees buckle faster than my wife clearly showing that she knows she's absolutely, 100%, no-questions-asked in charge.
     
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  20. Queens servant73
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    Queens servant73 Long term member

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    As others have said, it really depends on what will hit him hardest. For us, any time my Wife felt I was trying to manipulate the situation regarding chastity, she’d tell me matter of factly, she’ll do it how she wants and if I push it then she’ll stop playing all together. And she reminds me that doesn’t mean we go back to me getting sex daily like before, she says she’d still deny me that.
    I am what I guess would be a switch, so submission for me also comes pretty easily and I enjoy having my Wife dominate. Even after years of being in charge of our sex life.
    So who knows if just simple statements would work in your case, just my two cents.
    I’m sure you’ll both figure out where you should be :)

    I should also add, for me, getting caned every few days, nothing extreme, helps keep me in a great submissive state. And she’s really started enjoying pegging me once every week or two, she can orgasm with her bullet vibe while doing that while I stay locked up. This helps submission for me as well
     
  21. okbobbi
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    So well said. I love it when she says, Wear THIS, , no, you are NOT getting casual, I will do the lacing, not you, etc, etc.
     
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  22. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    What to say is the thing my wife struggles with. I put a load of edited chastity captions that I like (200ish) on her phone, and she picks one she likes and sends those to me every day or so. Really helps us both understand the mindset. I try to choose ones that seem relevant and make them just words
     
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  23. CabanaJack
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    Some additional thoughts -
    • I am to go choose and purchase the nail polish I'll be using on my KH's toes. The first few trips to the store were maddening and enticing, wondering if other people were thinking I was buying my own nail polish
    • I get a light paddling, usually on a daily basis. No big deal, but we've adopted a routine that makes me kneel beside the bed and wait for her to decide when to come into the bedroom and do it. I have to (get to?) kneel there waiting, anticipating the sensation...
    • When she exits the shower, I am to be on my knees in the bedroom, waiting for her. After letting me wait for a while, she enters the bedroom and retrieves a flat wooden spoon from her nightstand. She stands in front of me, and I lower my head to kiss the tops of her feet and toes. I am to continue on each foot until I get a swat from the spoon on my ass - that way the duration is her decision, not mine. I already have a standing list of tasks around the house that I automatically do, but after both feet have been kissed I look up and tell her what additional task I plan to do for her that day.
    • I just got a t-shirt off Etsy that has a small submarine on it. Wearing it out and about might admit to those that see it that yes, I'm a sub.
    I love it all.
     
  24. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    If he is topping from the bottom, what kind of actions or behaviors is he trying to get done? I'd begin with those and replace what he thinks he needs or wants, with what you think is best. You need to let him know that kind of behavior has to stop. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  25. Ginanhanes
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    Ginanhanes Long term member

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    Hmm. Add a small plug.

    Pantyhose: all the time, no exceptions.

    A true submissive gives his fantasies to his mistress, and then lets her apply or modify them to her own pleasure.

    Wow, I am jealous.
     
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