Sitting on the fence

Don't try to stop masturbating. You will fail. Set yourself achievable goals. If you know when you are likely to have sex with your partner, start by not masturbating that day and the day before. Then add the day before that as well. Gradually work up so that you're lasting longer between each masturbation. To be honest that would be a much more logical option than a cage. Good luck

 

I was in a similar position before I got married. In short: partners I met in vanilla life were usually open to some play and BDSM aspects but often assumed it would be a phase or they'd just have little to no interest in it, leaving me immensely frustrated and resulting in frequent masturbation. At a certain point I simply vowed to stop dating people in the vanilla world.

A cage in itself won't do anything. It is still possible to cum or induce orgasms. If anything it'll just make you hornier. You don't need a cage for chastity per se.

Maybe it is worthwhile exploring some dominance-submission, it could help. You could communicate with her and agree on a release schedule (e.g. once a week, or being allowed to masturbate under supervision once for every two times she gets to enjoy sex, etc.) You would be giving up some control but from what you wrote it seems that is what you desire. If she knows when and how often you masturbate and knows it affects her sexual gratification she'll probably want to set goals for you to help abstain.

The key I think is honesty. Finding the right balance between her sexual satisfaction and your needs may take some time but if you're both willing to work on it and communicate about it, it could grow in something beautiful.

 

You don't need to stop masturbation but ejaculation. Tease & denial is the key ... works for me very well. But maybe I am older, which might make self-control easier.

 

Hope it works out for both of you

 

Probably I couldn't have done it at a significantly younger age. I am still horny all the time but it might be easier now to stop before it's too late.
Also when I am too aroused I put on a cage for a couple of hours and give myself time to relax and let the lust fade a bit.

 

I was in a similar situation. I just did chastity myself for the purpose of decreasing masturbation. I would put on the cage at times that were triggers for me, like days when I was home alone. Then I would lock the key to the cage in a timer lock box. ( kitchen safe - check Amazon). I could set the timer to release the key at a more safe time (like middle of the night. The thing is. . . I knew I could cut the lock box open if I had to so I still felt in charge, but cutting the kitchen safe open would be a $70 orgasm as it would ruin the kitchen safe. I couldn't give up masturbating completely but I ended up going from daily to about twice a month and when I wanted to, not because some habit was telling me to. It was quite empowering. It won't come as a surprise to people in CM but was a big surprise to me as a newbie at the time. . . . I found myself way more attentive to my wife. Which she loved. I am honestly at a point now where I WOULD hand over the key. . . . I WOULD hand over that control. . .. because I'm more the person I want to be. I think you would have to carefully negotiate what each of you wanted. State up front that you aren't looking to become a chastity slave and that you are not looking to never orgasm again. Tell her that you want her to have the key because you want her to be happy, and you trust her. For me it was an evolution and I have not yet given the key to my wife because she doesn't yet know I wear a cage. But I'm on the verge of telling her and I believe it will be very intimate when it happens.

 

I think it's common for subs to develop very strong defences, and a strong reaction to being ordered around... because we know that we can be ordered around all too easily.

My advice would be, "let it go" and see what happens.

 

Exactly. . . . . I am not looking for a fetish game either. My wife is an internet junky. Everything gets researched online. So I fear when I do approach her about chastity and she invariably goes online. . . . , all she is going to find is fetish stuff. Like you though. . . I just want control of my habits.

I did order a custom cage from Mature Metal ( ww.maturemetal.com ). It hasn't arrived yet but I understand they are quite comfortable and very difficult to defeat. That said. . . . if you want to get out. . . . you'll always be able to get out.

Please let me know how things turn out for you. I'd be curious.

 

There are MANY ways to do chastity and it certainly doesn’t have to end up with getting bossed around. So YOUR goal is to quit masterbating so you aren’t spent by the time she is ready.

So, look at the times and places that you are most likely to masterbate and eliminate those opportunities. Maybe you lock up in the morning and she takes the keys with her and gives them back when you get home. Or get a Kitchen Safe from Amazon and she makes sure you are locked in the morning but the Safe gives access at 9PM.

Many ways to do it but you need a secure cage and probably a way to keep you from wasting time on porn and other erotica. Maybe give her Parental controls of your computers and phone to reduce the temptation. If that idea scares you then you are probably addicted to it which is another problem to solve. Look at yourself as an outsider and give yourself the advice you know you need to be a better man.

 

I have the same problem.

You are fighting three things in regards to your Masterbating.

Hormones
Routine
Addiction

Hormones is the one thing you can do nothing about. That will get fixed with age.

Routine. I am guessing that you will masterbate at the same time of day in the same place. Be busy and active during those times. I would usually masterbate right before bed, so I made sure I was doing something before hand and usually I was so tired I just laid down and went to sleep.

Addiction. I was addicted to the endorphin rush of my orgasm. Which is why I 'had' to masterbate.

You need to completely shake up your daily life and build a new daily routine.

Start tracking when and where you masterbate and then during those times, do something else. Go for a walk, mow the lawn, call your parents, call your girlfriend do something that will require some cognitive thinking.

Next start getting permission to masterbate from your girlfriend. This is what I did. I started asking my wife if I could masterbate. This will begin to make it about her. Your brain will then begin to associate sexual pleasure with her. Start pushing the time between masterbating session a bit longer and longer. Start keeping track of how long.

Next, and this is a strange one, give ownership of your penis to her. I did this and started thinking that it not my to play with, it's my wife's. So when I asked for permission, it has more meaning. And again making my brain associate sexual pleasure with my wife

Finally, sit down with her and explain everything.

Tell her that you masterbate way too much. Tell her how much. Tell her about wanting to stop but you cannot do it by yourself. Tell her about what you have done to try and stop and how it did not work. Ask for her help. Together come up with ideas to help move your masterbating to love making.

If you are serious about this, and I believe you are, you might want to look into a custom cage. Someone on here has to know or have an idea of what cage would work best for you. Or keep looking for a cage on Amazon. Some of them, believe it or not, have free returns.

One final bit of advice. This is a process. There will be times when you succeed and times when you don't. Do not think of it as a falure. It is a learning experience. See what did not work and make changes. I have been working on my Masterbating addiction for almost a year. Believe me, it is a long hard process. But it is worth it.

Good luck and let me know if you need anything else.

Iso.

 

Oh and one more thing,

Welcome to the Mansion.

Iso.

 

great advice.

 

Thank you.

Iso.

 

If you have a specific time of masturbation opportunity, use some 5% lidocaine numbing cream/spray and add a condom. After 10 minutes or so, you won’t be able to feel much until an hour or longer after you remove condom. A month of this and it may help you break the habit.

 

I think Isopropylforyou had a lot of great advice. One thing I would add.

Also explain to her the things you said above about feeling that you take more than you give, and that you want to be a more giving partner for her. This way it's about both of you, and the relationship.

You totally got this!

 

luck.