My husband and chastity, the real world, not fantasy...

Hey! Very honest and inquisitive post, I have plenty to say!

I think skeptical is the wrong word, maybe more apprehensive. My husband knew more about this than I did when we first started our journey, however, I can honestly say that I am the creative one now when it comes to what we do. I had absolutely no idea where this would go when we first started, and honestly if it would last at all. I would say for the first two years I was nervous doing new things because I had no experience, plenty of fantasies, but no experience. Our shift to an FLR relationship was done little by little, we did it together, keeping open conversation about what we do and how it is working. However, now I am way more directive and confident than I was a few years ago and make the decisions myself, we still talk, but he knows his place. I mentioned this man times, he is not beneath me, he is my partner, not a doormat, but he is absolutely on his knees yearning for my guiding hand. We even pushed limits as more of a trust exercise, I wrote about that on here too, I think it was on page 2 or 3. We dabbled in diaper play, but that stopped shortly after it started never to be done again. I think that mid 2018 was my personal epiphany to where I now had almost no apprehension and nothing but confidence in what we do. As you probably read, we have tried some things that we never thought we would.

I even mentioned that I would not cuckold him a long time ago, but now, the tides have turned, we do some cuckolding activities and he has even participated in MMF activities willingly because it is my direction. 5 years ago, he would have run away, today, he is willing to try any new activity with me other than hard upper limits which are respected. Today, I would not give up what we have for anything, we enjoy the dynamics of our relationship and enjoy the lifestyle.

Life getting in the way, oh my, do I understand that. It was hard committing to the time at first, but as you progress, it is realized that the time spent is minimal and WELL worth it. For example, we have our punishment room, and restraints in the closet. I mentioned in a post a while back that there are times I put him in the closet, restrain him, hood him, whatever I feel like and leave him there when I need quiet time. We have fun with that too, we have code words that can be used during normal conversation that when he hears, he knows he is to go to the closet no questions asked, regardless of the company we have or what is going on, even if he is in the middle of watching a game, he is very trained and programmed to respond to verbal queues, it really is amazing and a huge turn on for me.

I will be honest about getting information, BE CAREFUL, the internet if full of things that can be truly destructive and even borderline abusive, however, as in a recent post, what is acceptable to one, may not be to another, so my best advice is to talk with your Mistress (Is it your wife or GF?) about each other’s fantasies and desires, help each other to be more educated on how you would like your D/s relationship to progress. I will be the first to say that NONE of this came naturally to me at first, but it does now, it is second nature, I grew, and enjoy what we do. I enjoy leading, punishing, isolating, denying, and everything else that we do. His behavior and who he has improved so much that it gives me the motivation to keep going, try new things, and continue to push limits in a loving and respective way.

-Ms. June

 

Hey!

I am always happy to help, just remember that what works for my husband and I may not for another couple, you have to find your equilibrium. I absolutely hate it when my husband talks back to me, since we have started our new lifestyle, he rarely does so now, but when he does, punishment is severe. I was so irritated one day I locked him in the closet for almost 24 hours, use your imagination on bladder control.

You know, honestly, topping from the bottom to get the rhythm going is not always a bad thing, especially for a new mistress, it is a journey of learning. Another way to help her is if she has any domme friends with more experience; I do, and I have asked them for advice in the past, less now than then. However, topping from the bottom in the long term kind of defeats the purpose of a FLM.

I used to have that problem that when things are going well, discipline was sometimes skipped for bad behavior. I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I was the type of woman that when he pissed me of, I instantly got turned off and had no motivation to be assertive with him, especially with punishment. However, now, I have no problem putting him away when he pisses me off, his 24 hours of banishment was one of those times. The punishment does not always have to be pain, sometimes isolation can be just as effective. I think everyone that reads my thread knows that I often restrain him in the closet. During his 24 hours of isolation, he wore a sensory hood the entire time. After about 3 hours that day, I went in and tied him to a spanking bench we have in the closet, it is not as nice as the one we have in our punishment room, but it gets the job done. I restrained him to it and left him there instead of punishing him right away. I came back about 90 minutes later and blistered his ass worse than I had done to him any other time with a cane and a spiked paddle. After that (and some sanitizing after care), I left him on the bench for another hour. I came back and he was still whimpering from the pain, but he deserved it for his attitude and his actions. I gave him 10 quick and hard cane swats, took him off the bench, tied him to the restraint points on the baseboard and left him there for 10 hours. I did put some water in a bowl for him. After the 10 hours I checked on him filled his water, and went to bed. When I got up, I released him and without saying anything, he went to do his duties. What is important is that when punishing that it happens quickly, in this case, he was restrained in the closet. He was out of sight, out of mind, and I was able to calm down before giving him the blistering spanking. It gave him time to reflect, and me time for myself. Long story short, I learned to use times I am angry at him to punish, that often includes just getting him away from me to where he cannot come and talk to me until I am ready, my husband now knows the difference between a punishment and just having some fun.

With that said, if your wife does not want PIV from you and does not want you released, it sounds like she may grooming you to be a cuckold, has she ever expressed interest in this? Would that be something you are open to, forgoing PIV for you and letting her be satisfied elsewhere? I mentioned years ago that I would never cuck my husband, but over time, our dynamic evolved to it. Years ago, even the thought of another man being in me was a strict no, but just as the recent “is it gay” conversation, is it cheating if the husband agrees to it and it also fulfils his desires? There is no shame in consensual activities, at all. The one thing I have learned is not to let social stigma sway you from activities that can strengthen your relationship dynamic.

-Ms. June

 

I think this punishment session was a turning point for him. 24 hours is a long time, that was the only time it went that long and the worst pain I ever inflicted on him; to make a painslut cry and hearing him whimper for hours was proof that it was a real punishment. There have been many overnight stays in the closet, but typically caging is an hour minimum to usually a maximum of 3. He now dreads closet time because he has no idea how long he will be there for, I do not tell him.

-Ms. June

 

Hi Again!

Oh, he did take notice, 24 hours isolated changed him in a good way. He now dreads going to the closet because he never knows how long I am going to leave him there so it is a huge psychological punishment as well. Seriously, your wife sounds like me years ago. I would punish my husband with many different things that I have talked about over the years and worried if he is ok, I would look at the marks and make noises that sounded like I was worried. Trust me, that never happens anymore; I know when to stop, I know when permanent damage is approaching, and he has a safeword. As a dominant female, I strongly believe that you lose credibility by showing regret for what you do, be proud, it is him that deserves it and that is ALL a dominant wife (or anyone else) needs to understand. It is a consensual dynamic, so there is no need to feel bad.

Just by your wife saying that she will not guarantee that she would not bring another man in is strong evidence that it is something she wants to try. If you are ok with it, talk to her about it. One important thing with cuckolding is setting and respecting limits together and that those rules are not broken. For example, one rule we have is that I do not spend the night with a lover unless my husband is there. However, right now, I just have the aforementioned “toy”, there is not much going on outside of that with covid going around. There have been times I was at a bar and guys would flirt with me, he has no problem with that as long as I tell him when it is happening and if anything goes further, I let him know; but that is a very rare thing and I respect his consent.

You, being a submissive locked and denied husband owned by your wife, your number one priority should be her pleasure but as long as things stay within limits. My husband has never regretted our cuckolding activities, he rather enjoys it. I will be honest, at first, it felt strange having someone else in me while he watched, it felt like I was doing something wrong; that did not last long, it was just an initial feeling. As a consensual activity, there is nothing wrong with that (in my relationship dynamic) and we both enjoy it, a lot. It really has shattered his boundaries with some of the things he has done while being cucked.

OOOH Panties!!! We are not into sissification or anything like that, we have no pink chastity cages, I do not try to make him a female; but panties, I love when he wears them, even early into our journey. There is something about it that just makes me melt seeing him in them; the trashier the better. Before covid, I would love when he would put my panties on over his cage and then put his suit on for work, it was so damn sexy. When he would come home and undress, every bit of me wanted to unlock him and have him take me, but that would be counterproductive to training; 95% of the time now, he is in panties. I would enjoy meeting him for lunch with his friends on occasion and whisper in his ear that I am going to tell his friends our secret, or send them a picture of your cage in panties; sometimes I would just pull up a picture on my phone and pretend to drop the phone with the picture up. The fear in his face was priceless. I never did tell his work friends, but I have had him send me pictures when I am flirting with someone when they do not believe I keep my husband locked up. Of course I have some on me already, but it is nice to get fresh ones so he knows what is going on and to not only make him realize his place, but to play on fantasies as well.

One thing that is a punishment that is worse than pain for him is when I deny him access to me whether it is not being able to sleep with me at night, restrained while I am pleasured by someone else, or anything else that makes him feel isolated. One thing when it comes to punishment is that I learned to not let him know that he is about to get punished sometimes, I make it a complete surprise. I try to make it harsh and memorable in a way that he understands it was a punishment. The day of the 24 hour lockdown, I was simply pissed off and he is lucky I did not cane him right away and I waited a few hours, it would have been much worse than it was. It did take time to shift the dynamic of a fully realized punishment and he knows the difference now. One thing I stopped doing is spanking for pleasure but reserved it for punishment only, which helped a lot.

-Ms. June

 

Hi!

It is not that he is scared, I do not want him being scared of me, but more worried about what will happen if he upsets me, I think that is the better mindset. Being scared of a person, to me, is abuse. Being scared of an action, but not the person is more like it. The punishment was the roughest ever, we did talk about it later the next day, he said he was very close to using his safeword but felt it would demean my punishment. Of course, I stayed aware and made sure there was no permanent damage. just bruises that took a few weeks to heal.

When it comes to maintenance spankings, we almost do not do them now; we did a lot at first. The way I see it is that if it takes a spanking to keep him in the right mental state then I need to improve my training or set better expectations.

-Ms. June

 

I want him to be aware of my demands but not to be scared of them, there is a huge difference between being scared of a punishment and scared of a person psychologically. I do agree that there are times when a moment sets the standard moving forward, or at least the bar higher. I do like the idea of being cuffed in the shower. That could be done in a stand up shower with suction cup restraints or tied up laying down in the tub. I have never tried that before, but may steal your idea!

-Ms. June

 

Hey billz!

I would e honored! Have her PM me if she would like to chat. I am not an expert but always like talking to, and meeting new people.

And I'm the luck one...

Ms. June

 

Good Boy!

Your replies are so interesting and remind me of how I was a long time ago. When I first saw a male chastity cage, I will be honest, it was a bit off-putting, but now it is a required piece of hardware that I like very much; especially making him bulge while wearing it. Life does get in the way, but that is the great thing about chastity, it can be done anytime, even when family and friends are around, it is a nice secret to have. When life gets in the way and causes inhibition of intimacy, a chastity cage is a great way to remind him that not only is it not the time, but that he cannot pleasure himself and he must be a good boy and wait. Getting started is difficult, but when you find your routine like you have, as well as my husband and I, things are fantastic.

Obedience is a great thing about chastity as you have found out, you do more, are more observant and attentive to your wife’s needs because you know your release is dependent on your actions, this does not mean that your behavior should slip if you are given a break from the cage by the way… my husband has bought toys in the past, and I had absolutely no problem with trying something new that he is interested in, that is a great dynamic to have. Oh wow, do I remember the days of feeling I have to be fresh out of the shower for my husband to taste me, as you have evolved too, those days are over. There are times I come home from work and my subby hubby goes down on me while I am changing, he even goes down after “toy” has finished in me. My inhibitions have also lowered over the years which heightens spontaneity. Just make sure, whether she showered or not that you tell her how great she tastes. There is a difference between not being fresh out of the shower and being just plain dirty and unhygienic, the latter is just gross in my opinion. My husband has told me on occasion that it tastes better when it is not fresh out of the shower.

I mentioned this in an earlier post, but what is REALLY fun is a shocking dog collar around his balls and shocking him mercilessly as I orgasm or if he goes “off target”, we both really love that. Tell her what you fantasize about, my husband did and how I am pretty much in charge of the fantasy department because I know what types of things he likes and it makes me more creative. There are still occasional times when he proposes to try something new, but I try to keep things adventurous and new. You do mention something important, keep it simple, when things are overcomplicated, it can take the fun out of it (sometimes).

My husband and I have tried many things, and I am sure you will do things that we have not! To each their own in an FLM, there is no playbook, the most important things is finding what works for you both. Also, in no way were you offensive, I never thought that! Bull’s do not have to be the hardcore alpha male. “Toy” is more bi-curious and does not mind. My husband was not bi-curious but likes the things we do because he knows it is pleasing me. Like I said many times, any activity done between us has no label; in my opinion. Have there been a few times when they did not rise to the occasion, sure! But most of the time they do. You have no need to explain anything hun, I appreciate your perspectives.

As for ballbusting, that is still part of what we do, crushing, stretching, binding, humbler, spiked rings/cages, etc… It depends on the reason why I feel he needs it. Is it just playtime, or a punishment? One of my favorite things to do is put him in the humbler and beat his balls with a riding crop; that is a lot of fun, especially when they get nice and cherry red. Actually yes, that idea was mine, I did it to get ideas on how to do it, then I would watch, tell him it was never enough and do what he was doing, but a lot harder while mixing it up with my own ideas. We do not just use estim and shocking dog collar on balls, I do love watching him wired up and squirming, sometimes we do it as an interrogation role play and other times as punishment, depends on my mood.

Good boy....

Ms. June

 

It is... very joint with a lot of communication, that is the key to making everything work!

Ms. June

 

Multiple posts are because I reply to everyone, if you interpret this as playing to locked subs fantasies, then I cannot help that.

Ms. June

 

Thank you for reading, I do appreciate it. You are absolutely right that every FLR is different and finding the dynamic hat works for you is important. Too many try to imitate others in total, which often results in failure. There is nothing wrong with getting ideas, but in practice, that needs to be unique. I was not sure how to interpret that comment either, it happens. I am not playing to anyone's fantasies, I do this for me...

Ms. June