Introducing the idea....

Sounds like a tough sell. Every relationship with chastity is different though between couples and you know your SO better than us. It doesn't sound like you will have what people would say is a generic dynamic with chastity in your relationship...

If I were I would think of some things the chastity has helped you with and possibly helped her with, without her even knowing & go from there. I am not sure what you are looking to achieve but it sounds like you would be happy being lock for a month or however long she wishes & she might be willing to go about doing that if you make some concessions as well.

What are some things you know she would like you to start doing... a lot of things in marriage are a short order bartering system... Maybe that is a good way for you two to start this? Maybe not though, who knows.

 

You know your SO and it does sound like it would be a hard sell. My wife is very similar, perhaps even closer to asexual than vanilla. The idea of trying to discuss chastity or a FLM with her would be so out of bounds that I know it would never work. Sometimes you have to face reality and move on with other options. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Hello and welcome Robb!

I understand where you are coming from in some ways for sure. I myself am in a rather similar spot but we have been married for a much shorter time but do share intimacy.
My advice is tell her what intrigues you about it and why you wish to engage in it. My wife hated the idea at first and became very upset. After some talking after she calmed down we talked it out.
She did not wish to hold the keys which is absolutely fine and her choice. I currently self lock and she is fine with it and doesn’t mind me wearing it. I think the initial shock of it is the lady’s feeling it is something they are doing wrong and it’s an attack on them. Try and honest and well worded when bringing it up... I know I could have been better in this realm.
Life is short and if your married I would hope that she would at least hear what you have to say. After all it is your penis so if you want to wear it, who is to say you can’t? I will say it is a hard conversation to have and I was nervous as hell but it was important to me so be it. Ps sorry for the long post. Best of luck!

cheers,
Ransom

 

She may never want to hold your key, but over time and with honest communication she may at least accept you self-locking.

It’s incredibly hard to have that first conversation, and some of the conversations that follow will be difficult as well, but they are worth it for the intimacy they engender.

 

please whats SO mean

 

I got my wife to read "Locked in Love" it is on Amazon. It is not written about being an over dominant cruel woman or anything, but more of a loving way to control husband's masturbation and how the woman can benefit from it. We both read it and there is a lot of truth in the book. Not written too kinky.

 

@Ron33 and what was the outcome after reading the e-book together? What did your wife said afterwards?

 

Sounds pretty familiar. Vanilla SO, or even asexual... scared... Dunno.

To many, this is a kink or fetish or whatever you name it, that is going to be so far removed from what your SO considers to be "normal" that makes this a very, very hard sell. I am trying the way of getting my SO and me to talk to a sex counselor and try to get her to a point where she at least considers sex to be normal... Can't imagine the point where male chastity would ever fit... but one keeps hope up.

 

She has never been one to read sex books, but I did get her to read this one, the whole thing. She said she understood and would try it. After trying a couple of devices, I found one the fit pretty good and wore it for a day or two, then we did a two week lockup. I could take it off for cleaning, but that was it. After the two weeks, we discussed it and she said she had surprisingly liked it. She said I had acted a little different.

She enjoys cuddling when she knows it won't lead to sex, so we did that daily. She it gives her a break from sex.

I am now a part timer, I wear it a week to 10 days every month. I actually look forward to it. My wife probably thinks it is a little kinky, but goes along with it.

 

Can you say Locktober challenge?

 

Perhaps have a chat with her about what's already missing in your relationship. Listen more than you talk.

You can't simply jump from no intimacy to chastity as if it is some magical fix to all problems.

Get your relationship in a place where you're closer and more intimate and then you might be able to bring it up.

 

This is the key thing. Remember, you've had time to think about chastity, process it, work out that it's a good idea. She hasn't had that opportunity. Confront her with it and she will become immediately defensive - it will just sound freaky. You need to work up to it slowly.

Good luck.

 

I'm in a very similar situation... however my Wife knows I'm a kinky person and has entertained a number of fun activities, bit of fetish dressing up, bit of bondage during sex, but does not know about all of my kinks.. including chastity.
I have been tempted many times to bring up the subject, but always chickened out at the last moment.
Those urges to start the conversation have been bubbling up again recently,
but is this one quirk too far? Thats the worry..

I think if I could get to the point of be known to be self locking that would be fine, any KH even if in brief stints that would be a bonus.

 

What he said! Just go slow! And the best of luck!

 

Feel like we’re in a similar position. I’ve introduced the idea to my gf but she’s basically laughed it off or rejected it. So I just self lock every morning and remove it before going to bed. Tough to know if you should just accept things to way they are or try to push forward.

 

I have been on a similar journey for about three years. When I first told my wife about it, she got very mad and cried. We then moved on to orgasm denial without a device. We soon figured out that my masturebation problem was the cause of many of our marriage problems. She figured out that when I am denied orgasms, I am more loving and attentive and do more chores around the house.
I then started to use a cage just at home, then on the weekends and finally I can wear it full time. She knows I need it to keep me from cheating.
The key is to show her how it can benefit her. Like was said above, find out what she wants out of the marriage and how chastity can help you fulfill that need.
It's a long process, but if I can get my vey vanilla wife to accept it, then you can to. You only live once, might as well be happy.

 

Hi so recognizable my wife however beeing vanilla as can be, does know my kink side. She knows I wear a cage and says fine with me but nothing to do with it. However trying to communicate is the best but yes take it slow. She does notices when I am wearing it as I am in a better place !

 

As others have said, it may not be easy and may make time. I have a very similar situation as you, as I read your history in your post.

I wouldn't give up, but not to rush either. My wife was just not into it at all, but over the last three years I have been locked 24/7/365, she has notice some changes in me, and has come around, albeit only a little, but enough that I have turned a corner.

You can start a conversation if you want more info, since we have a similar situation.

 

It amazes me how a couple can go 20 plus years and not be able to talk about sex with their loved one. You can’t really fast forward 20 years of intimacy and trust into her suddenly opening up about sexual issues. What you can do is start.

In my experience women are very giving if:
#1 you’re honest
#2 appreciate them and their efforts
#3 you ask them

So be honest about what you want, you want to concentrate on putting her first, you have a hard time with self control, and you want her to do you a favor and hold on to a key. Explain how much this means to you, and how much it would help you. Do not mention anything about you helping out more or it making it easier for anything. This smells like bullshit and she will resent that you have to be horny and locked up to treat her better...stay away, it may be true but let her figure that on her own.

You are not asking her to wear a leather catsuit, whip you with licorice, and stomp on your testicles, your asking her to hold on to a key and give it back when she wants to fool around.

It’s a favor so appreciate her efforts when she gives it a go. She may not understand it, like it, or even want to do it, but more than likely she will give it a go because she loves you. So don’t be a dick, say she’s doing it wrong, or steer her where you want her.

Most importantly, do not give her a cage or keys to a cage for a gift...happy Valentine’s Day! I got you accessories to the kink I’m into that you know nothing about! You’re welcome

Be open,this means a lot to you. Be honest, you need this to control yourself and need help. Appreciate her and what ever amount of support she’s willing to put into it.

Good luck

 

Well said Nicoftime.

You are spot on with the thought of being honest, showing appreciation, and keeping your level of expectation in check.

Though I will say that not all situations are created equal. There can be many mitigating circumstances that have to be considered.

For example, my wife's health has made intimacy impossible for a very long time. That is why I locked three years ago and have been ever since. I explained to her exactly why I was doing it, and she had no interest.

She has come around to understanding why I decided to do this, and is a lot more receptive to it because she knows what it means for her. Relief from worry, guilt, physical pain, etc.

She still doesn't participate, but I am pleased she has come to this point, and hopefully will continue to be progressive in thought. But, I will not push the issue.