My Hands Free Journal

5/24/19
Today marked day 7 of my self locking target of one month. Is it a little too soon to be proud of myself? (Seven days being my longest locking so far in my fairly recent chastity experience). Apart from having the occasional urge to masturbate only to touch steel, so far my biggest frustration has been trying to have a conversation with my half deaf mother in law. I have a feeling that I've only seen the tip of the frustration iceberg. It's amazing how easy it is to take a good wank for granted. I think I will either adapt fairly quickly or become a frustrated Onan the Barbarian. More random thoughts to follow.

 

Perhaps I should explain. As I am self locked I decided that the best way to replicate the whims of a keyholder was to download a wheel of fortune type app and assign a different lock up time to each pie slice, as well as 1 or 2 days unlocked, an orgasm pie slice, an edging for 1 hr pie slice, etc. If I land on an Orgasm or edging slice, I have to lock up immediately after I'm done. I call it The Wheel of Chastity. Wouldn't you know that my FIRST spin of the wheel went just over the line and instead of getting 1 Day, I got 1 Month. As I promised myself I would abide by the wheel's decision, 1 month it is. I have a very strict keyholder. So I decided to share this experiment with any here who are interested.

 

Due to physical problems my wife lost all interest in sex. It was only recently that I learned of Chastity and cages. I decided to formalize what I had been doing for the last 10 years so I began experimenting with locking up, finally hitting on a Jailbird. I told her of my interest in chastity and that I had bought a cage. She told me as long as I was ok she was ok with it but showed no other interest. So I don't presently have a keyholder. I am fine with the current situatiion as I don't want to take on too much all at once. Baby steps.

 

5/27/19
Day 10 of my goal of 1 month. Time does seem to drag with more than 2 weeks to go. Tonight I want to address something other than orgasm denial. I'm finding out that frustration comes in many forms. For instance, using a men's room in a restaurant, movie theater, etc. I've found it's easier to urinate if I unfasten my jeans to pull out my cage, which is something I'd rather not do while someone is standing at the urinal next to me or might walk in while my open jeans are sagging at my hips. The obvious solution is the stall which might be unoccupied if the establishment has one at all. This is frustration with the addition of possible humiliation. I recognize that some of us might see that as a bonus, lol. And the seats in the stalls tend to be kinda sketchy. So it seems that wearing jeans out while locked is not a good idea in terms of using men's rooms. And I've seen bars which have a communal trough instead of urinals. So if you're going out drinking, it's a good idea to know what kind of facilities the place has before you have no choice where you go. Just a word to the wise. Of course your keyholder might want to bring you to such a place for just that reason. That's all for tonight.

 

Jessica, I am approaching this as a test of will power, so the key resides in my desk. To approximate the teasing of a key holder I make a point of periodically viewing porn. It's not only about denial, the teasing has it's place in the experience.
Chaste J, I do the same thing with my underwear, lifting out both cock and balls over the waistband. I wear pouch underwear for support when not wearing the belt which I MacGyvered from a strap on harness. I cut it down so that a centered loop would support the cage. You can seee it in my gallery

 

5/31.
Day 14 locked. I read somewhere that you only begin to experience the reality of chastity after being locked for 2 weeks. So based on that things should become more intense and interesting during the second half of my scheduled chastity. I find that a somewhat daunting possibility. When washing I make it a point not to touch my penis (washcloth only) although I'm not certain whether that makes chastity easier or not. The purpose of denial of skin to skin contact could be viewed as either character building or focused punishment. Personally I'm not a big fan of chastity as punishment, but rather as a participatory experience. Potato/pahtato. I have found myself thinking fondly of masturbation. Fondly of fondling, so to speak. The phantom keyholder who resides in my imagination has been whispering for me to watch a litttle porn to up my sexual frustration. I think I'll create a Wheel of Teasing to determine when/if such teasing should take place. The idea here is to insure that decisions are made randomly and not the way I might want them to. I want to expand the self-locking experience but realize I might be following in someone else's footsteps. To boldly go but not to cum. Couldn't resist that.

 

6/1
Hi Jessica. Thanks for your reply. I am approaching chastity as a way of dealing with a sexless life (something I've had for about 10 years now) without denying my own sexuallity. The use of porn replaces the teasing that a wife/girlfriend/keyholder would engage in. What you are talking about sounds like the Buddhist concept of "emptiness", which is not what I'm going for right now. As an example, this morning my wife and I were in bed cuddling. Her hand accidentally brushed my cage. I told her what it was. She said, "I know" and that was the end of it. I tried to talk about it with her but she had no interest in the subject. Now that's frustration. So I'm trying to do solo what others do with an engaged partner. That said, I do appreciate your thoughts on the subject.

 

6/5 (very early morning)
Just passed 18 days locked in my cage. I found I'm thinking about sex a lot which soon has my cock straining at the cage bars. (gallery photos) It's a new level of frustration for me, but I'm determined to last the full month. While that is only 12 more days, it seems longer right now. I had a sex dream last night that woke me up. Been a while since that happened! At 61, I thought I was finished with them. Had I not been wearing the cage I would have masturbated right then and there. Instead I calmed down and eventually went back to sleep. Not being able to masturbate gives me the sensation of leaking precum even when I'm not. Most of it leaks out through my PA, which can't be easily seen while caged. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. At weaker moments I ask myself why I'm putting myself through this, but then I remember that it's partially to assert mastery over my own urges no matter how desperate they seem. Orgasm denial touches the very basic part of male identity. Hit puberty, start to masturbate. It's who we are as males. To conquer that, whether by turning that power over to a key holder or to fly solo, requires a commitment we are not usually called upon to make. Even marriage does not ask the husband to surrender his sexual activity/identity to his wife's whim, with no guarantee of ever having another orgasm. That's all the meandering thoughts for now.

 

19 days now. Getting there!

 

Hi bulldup, thanks for the encouragement. I passed my personal best after 7 days. Now it's all uncharted territory both physically and emotionally. For instance, having my urine stream shoot off to the side and have to struggle to correct it due to the position of my penis in the cage becomes more aggravating the longer I have to contend with it. Especially as it doesn't always happen. Force of habit and expected ease keeps me from sitting to pee. I suppose that if I make an effort to make sitting my normal way of doing things, I would eventually do so without thinking about it. At least at home. Have a good day.

 

6/8. 22 days locked up.
Just over a week to go before I complete 1 month in chastity. So far I've unlocked for washing and once to apply a damp cloth due to a sore scrotum. I figure that was bound to happen as the constant pressure of the steel ring takes getting used to. I would like to know if anyone who' s spent extended periods of time locked has noticed a toughening of the skin. This is the sort of information it is difficult to find.
Anyway, I expect I'll manage this upcoming week fairly well. I've noticed that I'm more aware of being in the condition of orgasm denial. The first couple of weeks you adapt to a relatively minor inconvenience. The third week in I began to feel the frustration of not getting full erections, much less orgasms, over a period of time. It's hard to appreciate such things until you're denied them, whether through self locking or surrender of the privilege to a key holder. While I never intended to look at chastity as an endurance contest but rather as a way of experiencing how something so fundamental as erections/orgasms aren't necessary but desired, much like an addiction, I've found them to be an unexpectedly powerfull force. I can understand how men who are commmited to chastity find having a keyholder to be an integral or even necessary part of the experience. I can't help but wonder if the Wheel of Chastity will land on "1 Month" again, when I have to spin it in 8 days. Interesting that I now think of it as having to spin it rather than it being a choice. I also noticed, as my month approaches, a certain pride in having been locked up for a good period of time. I wear my cage with a sense of pride. It's true, chastity does change you.

 

6/10
My sack continues to be sore from the pressure of the ring pressing against it. I am beginning to think I should take the device off for maybe a few days so as not to cause any harm. I'm a firm believer in "listen to your body". Maybe I just have to be more gradual in toughening up the skin. If I choose to do this I won't look on this as a failure but rather as correcting the mistake of attempting too much too soon. Affter all, 3 weeks locked isn't bad. Will decide tonight what I'll do. I'll update this sometime tomorrow.

 

6/11, 11pm
Well the soreness seems to have passed, so I've just locked up again and will hope to have a comfortable night. As a reminder of my chastity, I put my PA back in during my unlocked time. The hole had become smaller in the couple of months it was out so I wound up trading one soreness for another. I had tried wearing both PA and cage at the same time but found it a bit too uncomfortable. BTW, I have had my PA for years and am new to the cage. I have read that some people get a PA as further security but I guess I'm a bit backwards. More to follow.

 

6/13
Four days to go to complete my month locked up. But who's counting?

 

6/17
Whew, there were a couple of bumps in the road but I did make my month. It was eye-opening how aware of my body I became. Just sitting down became a new experience. Of course I speak as someone new to being locked. A few years ago I had a stroke followed by a heart attack. As a result I found my erections were not getting as big as they had been for this grower, so my natural male insecurity kicked in, making me concerned that my penis would retreat even further due to being restricted from full growth. However it could just be my imagination. Also, I found myself thinking about how chastity runs the gamut of occasional bedroom play to a 24/7 flr incorporating b&d and/or s&m. In short, there is no right or wrong way to do chastity and it is a source of pride that the chastity community is inclusive, accepting and welcoming.
I have just spun the Wheel of Chastity for tomorrow and came up with an orgasm to be followed by 3 more days locked. The big experiment continues.

 

Thanks, tinykev.

 

As I self-lock, I decided to add another level of surrendering control of my chastity to my phantom kh by purchasing an electronic padlock. After fitting it to my cage I can set it for a fixed time, open for cleaning and reset the timer. It should be one more reminder of access denial. Waiting for it to arrive. Wondering if anyone else has tried this.

 

Well, the lock doesn't fit the device so I use it instead to lock up the keys. Ingenuity.