Chastity, How much is it really in your head?

Being self locked I was in control of the when. However, when I did it I had never planned it or thought about a life in chastity. I found my desire to do it was rooted in giving up porn and masturbating. It was a means to an end. So I walked into an adult store and bought it on the spot and immediately put it on. I didn’t even JO before putting it on. So, yes, I think ones head has to be in the right place to accept it.

 

For now I am until a find an appropriate KH.

 

I’m with Mr. Martini. Self locked with a means to an end with porn and masturbation. Puts my focus back on my wife- where it should be. Looked into ChastiKey and it looks great.

 

One of the most difficult aspects of chastity is the down time. I’m not talking about evenings that you don’t get teased, or time you wanted sexual attention and didn’t receive any, I’m talking about the dead space that nothing is erotic at all, and you find yourself wondering why you’re even locked in the first place.

Some examples of dead time are after an argument. At first it seems unfair that you’re locked, one of you are upset, and you’re penis is held hostage until things settle down. One more is sickness. Let’s face it, if you are sick, the last thing on your mind is playing with your pecker or trying to fool around with her. It’s not sexy, and you both know nothing is going to happen. There you are feeling miserable and you wonder why you go through the pinching, the pee issues, the constant irritant, if it’s not even an issue. Family issues also cause a hold on everything. Sick parents,or some crisis will eventually make wearing a device unnecessary.

Does that mean I say “let’s take this off, we aren’t going to be playing anyway”? No you don’t. You carry on, and when things get back to comfy, things will eventually get sexual again. It took me awhile to disassociate being locked and sexual fore play. When I eventually let go of there needing a reason to be locked, and that it just is locked until she wants to unlock it, it became easier to let the dead time happen.

Acceptance. It’s one of the stages of grief. And I believe when we agree to this for a lifetime, we go through them:
Denial...there is no way I’m staying locked up all the time!
Anger... She was the one that started the argument, screw this, I’m not living my life this way.
Bargaining...ok, I’ll stay locked but I’m going to act super nice and see if I can bribe her with kindness and she has to want to unlock me.
Depression...she’s really not going to unlock me until SHE wants to. What did I get myself into? I went from an orgasm every day to 20 a year. I miss jacking off, orgasms, erections.
Acceptance....this is happening, this is what I asked for, this is how often she wants it unlocked, and I have less than a few hundred orgasms left in my life. I am happy though, she is happy, and our relationship is stronger with the cage than without it. I trust her to do what’s best.

Chastity is in itself, mostly between the ears, so if you’re not in the right mindset, it can be difficult at times.

 

This is an interesting thread! My take:

1. There's a huge technical aspect to it. A really good device - like the one I'm wearing - doesn't feel uncomfortable or cause any issues, so there's no sense of an endurance being required. Being ill, for example, doesn't make a difference. If anything, the device is a comforting presence.

2. There is a massive difference between being self locked (including by any sort of service) and locked by somebody with whom you are in a RL day to day relationship. That Xena wants me locked removes all the second guessing and decision making, and it feels good.

 

Absolutely right on both points- having a cage with no issues makes it easier. I literally forget I have it on- except for that 3am reminder!
Being self locked I can only imagine the sensations of a KH but the differences must be huge and I can’t wait for that to happen!

 

I absolutely agree with you that you have to put in the effort even when you don't think it's fun. If you really want to live the lifestyle it's all about keeping a positive attitude toward it and keeping your mistress happy.

 

Just the opposite with me. My wife says I get moody and lazy after a full blown orgasm. Guess that's why I haven't had one of those in almost 10 months.

 

All sex is primarily in the mind. The brain is the horniest organ there is. So if it has got round to thinking "denial is the most interesting way to explore sexuality" then go with the flow. Enjoy your explorations

 

I've only been experimenting with chastity devices alone, for a short time now. I'm not in a relationship and haven't been for a while. I've fantasized about chastity and other BDSM activities for as long as I can remember, even before I was old enough to know that it was a thing that other people were into, but I've never had the courage to come out to anyone. I've also never visited a professional for various reasons.

I would love to find a dominant woman to be in a relationship with and have her be my KH, but right now I have to settle for locking myself up. I haven't used any KH services because I haven't yet found a device that's practical to wear for more than a few days at a time, although to be fair, I've only bought cheap plastic ones off eBay. Even with soaking my most open one in the tub, it gets nasty after a few days. I just wore it for 7.5 days and when I removed it yesterday afternoon for a doctor's appointment, it smelled and it was disgusting inside.

Even though I'm not ready to spend the money on a custom made device, I'd like to find one that can be worn for an indefinite period of time and which I can't pull out of. Also one where the lock can't just be cut off so that the only way to get out of it without unlocking it would be to destroy the device by cutting it, which preferably would be as difficult as possible to do.

My fantasy is to experience real tease and denial and be at the mercy of a KH who will keep me locked much longer than I'd want to voluntarily stay locked. Being alone, I sometimes have to ask myself if it's really worth the bother when I'm lacking that human connection and can just unlock myself at any time. I have nobody to tease me, so I look at porn and imagine that I'm being teased. It's a poor substitute though.

People may say that I may not really know what I want since I have no real experience to draw on, and that I might not like having my fantasies become reality, but I'm willing to bet that I would if it was with the right person.

 

JD, you should look at the inexpensive steel cages on aliexpress or dhgate, perhaps the A226 or A273.

 

I definitely have to have my head in the right place to start after a break but once I’m in I do as I’m told and it’s amazing for both of us.

 

I've been looking at the larger size of the A274 or even the A276, but I have a couple reservations;

Cages that are just welded on the bottom always looked sort of fragile to me and I stumbled across a blog a while back (I've since lost the link) where the author at first recommended a device like that, although I don't remember if it was that exact one, but later retracted his recommendation after he said that one of the welds broke while he was wearing it, leaving a sharp edge, which could have lead to serious injury. One of the commentors on that blog said that the same thing happened to them.

I also remember reading a post, I think it might have been here, where someone had gotten a cheap "stainless steel" device only to find out that it was just chrome plated and bits of it were coming off and working their way into his skin.

I'm also never sure what size ring to get. Every device is different and a particular size with one device may not translate properly to another device. For example, the ring is similar to the HTv2, but on that device, the cage goes through the ring reducing the size even more.

I also like the look of these devices;

https://www.ebay.com/itm/New-Stainl...Restraint-Bird-Cage-Cock-lock-US/253817380196

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Latest-Des...int-Cage-Cock-Lock-Male-Chastity/142790367815

There's also a cheap Bon4M copy, but it's only available with a short cage. I'm only 3" flaccid, but I'd prefer the cage to contain my entire penis, rather than having one that only fits 2/3 of it and the other inch is scrunched up behind it.

 

I've been in the A273 and A226 for over 18 months, with none of the snapping or peeling issues you're concerned about and I'm very active.

You'll like the serpent cage less when (not if) the viper teeth dig into your glans.

As a general rule, my experience is that it's the shape and design of the back ring (not the size) that makes the difference.

As far as sizes goes, there's a consensus around here that approx 1/2 inch less than flaccid length is the correct size of your cage, including the back ring. Most guys start too big.

 

Good to know.

Ooh, now I definitely want one! I thought the teeth were just for decoration.

I can be a bit of a masochist at times and I actually like the idea of a chastity device that punishes you for getting aroused. For a while, there was a spiked cage on eBay that I was sorely tempted by. Ultimately I decided that $50+ was a little too much for something that would probably only see occasional use. Unfortunately now it's gone and I can't even find a photo of it on the net. It was similar to the hinged, spiked cages that other manufacturers sell, but this one had a single, square bar that the cage lid onto and it looked like it would be more rigid when locked.

Well, I know that I can wear the 43mm ring (which is just a plain, wide ring) with the A358 device, but even the 45mm ring with the HTv2 clone tends to cause that burning pain under my scrotum after a while. On the other hand, I have a thick plastic shower curtain ring, which basically looks like a miniature donut (about 13mm diameter thickness, 42mm internal diameter, fake wood texture) and I've worn that for several hours with no discomfort at all.

I'm 3" flaccid, 5.5" when erect. I have a copy of the CB-6000s and the cage alone measures 2.5 inches. When I try to put it on, only the end of my penis goes into the cage and the rest ends up scrunched up between the cage and the ring, which I don't find all that comfortable. However what ends up happening that the ring works forward and the portion of the penis not in the cage ends up behind the ring. This happens even faster if I get aroused. The cage doesn't prevent an erection, it just gets pushed forward and the rest of the penis pushes out the back. I don't get super-strong erections any more, so it's not enough to really pull on my testicles, like in some photos on the net, but it definitely pushes the whole device forward.

The same thing happens with the HTv2 copy. I fill it up and erections push the whole thing away from my body. I don't find this painful, but I consider it an unpleasant feeling because only about half my penis is inside the cage at that point and it feels weird. I'd much prefer it if the ring stayed up tight to my body and my entire penis was inside the cage, with no room to grow.

As for the A358 device, even with the cage being about 3", I still push out the back some when aroused, but not quite as much. The cage seems to grip a little tighter than the others which helps hold it in place. There's definitely some "push out" though.