I'm not dominant. I'm a Keyholder.

What a lovely posting @Goddess Gaia. Thank you. I find what you say very refreshing as I think there are certain pressures in the D/s world to fulfil roles. Though many (probably the majority) do fit naturally and comfortably into variations of the stereotypical categorisations, those categories are not for everyone. We are all individuals and though we may associate with many definitions in this world, each of us has are own desires and interests.
I think what you have described is true for many. Chastity is quite a unique dynamic between 2 people and ultimately is only about the connection between those 2 people. Any rules should be defined between those 2 people and not set by external influences, though what we all read, discuss and learn will inevitably have certain influences on us too.
Chastity as a form of healing is an interesting discussion in itself. I have met others that see it similarly and for the right dynamic it can be a powerful and positive force.
Very cool posting. Thanks again

 

Excellent post! Key holding doesn't have to be "cruel" or a "harsh, lots of beating" lifestyle! It can be and is what ever works best for you! So if FLR and Femdom is your thing great, if not also great! As is said there is no right or wrong way.

 

Though of course for many, being forced into a box has its appeal

 

it's wonderful when you make a breakthrough and finally start to understand what it is you're really seeking. I'm delighted for you.

 

It's up to you how much power and dominance you want express to your partner. There's to much pressure and expectations on KH's to be picture book "dommes" and many of us guys stress our partners out with these expectations taking the fun out of it.

I do believe you can still have a fulfilling relationship using chastity but not being a domme. Many people start using chastity in their relationships to enhance some lost intimacy and rekindle their flame. If you've asked your partner to lock you for these reasons or asked to lock your partner for these reasons than this is what should be the foundation, the start of your rekindling and then go from there.

 

Great post with a lot of great points. I think many people can get the wrong impression of chastity and the things that go along with it, especially from the fantasy point of view. We have kind of an FLR marriage but have picked what's worked for us and our dynamic best. I think you and my wife have many of the same ideas regarding all of the domme stuff and chastity in general. All the labels and whatnot can definitely take away from the experience and turn people away. There are lots of great things that can come from living this lifestyle, especially coming from a healing and loving perspective as well as all the societal stuff. I know it's been a huge thing for me and @Clotho_ulloo

 

I absolutely see you're perspective and have gone through a very similar gamut of emotions myself... we've struggled with all of the "labels" in BDSM. Not to judge anyone else, by any means! To each their own, for sure! (Which I also love the non-judgmental attitudes most have in BDSM or at least that I've experienced)
But, we'll get excited and feel "oh we "fit" here".... haha generally not quite! Which is OKAY! Everyone brings fascinating perspectives to the table! Thank you for sharing yours! I absolutely can relate!

There is SO much sweetness to chastity.... I know it makes me want to share and help others through their journey as well! Sending you all the love fellow keyholder! <3 Dead on with this sharing!

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, and congratulations on your breakthrough. It sends an important message that while we're all different, our mutual love for chastity can surpass labels and expectations when our minds are open.

Not all keyholders are dominant women - and that's more than okay.

 

You and my wife would probably get along. She is not a Domme, or any other kind of dominant, aggressive type. She loves me, loves keeping me chaste, but is a kindhearted, loving woman. She isn’t cruel or bossy or any of the other stereotypes.

 

Makes me wonder how far Mrs Chaste will go! She's definitely "flexing" her muscles on the dominant front! I'm sure she'll find a level that suits her best!

 

Exactly what I expect from a KH Goddess, the real meaning of being dominant.

 

You may be the best publicity to the idea of chastity that there has ever been. You have wonderfully worded it as if it were an herbal supplement to help all parties involved get back to their tranquil center. Hopefully all goes well for you. It would be an interesting subject if it were possible for you to write about during your experience. Healing through chastity.

 

One does not have to be a "Bitch Goddess" to be dominant, but I kind of get what you are saying. Being one thing (a key holder) should not trap you into other, commonly associated roles or types.

Most people are kind of mutt-like -- aka we have a lot of different traits that make us different than a pure breed type.

On the flip side, most dominant women hate device chastity and may not be fans of chastity at all.

 

I hope many 'curious vanilla' ladies find this thread and realise that being a keyholder needn't be about being a ball-busting leather-clad uber-femme.

If it's what you desire, the overtly sexual aspects can have very little to do with it.
Perhaps that's called love.

 

Thank you for a beautiful and enlightening post, @Goddess Gaia. Testimony to the importance of finding one's own way through all the stereotypes and pre-packaged roles and methods. Everything is customizable and we shouldn't be afraid to ignore the seeming conventions and do what's right for us.

 

Self awareness is never a bad thing.

It reminds me of someone that told me they were catholic. I said no you’re not, you’re Christian but not catholic. She said “I was born and raised catholic!”. I told her,”you believe in contraception, premarital sex, divorce, and gay rights, don’t donate 15% of tour income, go to church or confess your sins...your not catholic.” This kind of hit home and she said I guess not. I told her that she’s still the same, her belief and faith hadn’t changed, just the label.

I know my wife is not mean or cruel. She often does things which aren’t “domme” because she enjoys making me happy. Sometimes she rubs my feet, gets up early to make sure I don’t oversleep, or tries to make supper. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she wants, or feel less respected, it just means she doesn’t fit into a “domme” label, and that’s ok. She loves our dynamic and chose what to keep and what to toss.

It sounds like you see which direction you want to go, and the path is clearly lit. I am happy for you and wish you well on your journey.

 

Great post and thread! I feel like I finally found a KH that reminds me of my beautiful wife more than any of the others I have come across here.

My wife is not a bossy domme type at all. Asking her to take that kind of lead freaked her out. I did it because I thought she’d jump right in. Man was I wrong. It scared her away from all chastity related stuff. She is accepting of my chastity desires but not involved hardly at all.

But after reading this post today I have a totally new perspective that I plan to share with her tonight. We’ve just come off a long weekend away and the timing couldn’t be better to share this new found philosophy for vanilla and/or non domme ladies. I believe this path is exactly how she would view chastity in our relationship if I hadn’t pushed so hard at the start. Thank you so much!

 

I think the appropriate term would be loving key holding. You be you. Life is a dance it is more fun when both people learn to lead and follow during the entire time on the dance floor.

 

I agree 100%. I too am not demanding and threatening. So being a "domme" at first kind of scared me. I enjoy the cage and the personality I get from my husband when he is in it. Very accommodating and pleasing but I know it's just because he is locked up and wants out. I see pictures of Dommes dressed in all black with high heels on and a whip making their men do what they want, lick shoes, call them mistress, etc. That part hasn't reached me yet. I don't see it as my personality. Not sure I will ever get there. Reading this post helps me realize I might never get there and it's okay. We all have our own ways of doing this. There is no right or wrong. If you try something and don't like it you can change to something else.
In this group I just want support and guidance, ideas on what to do.
Thank you!