Training Wheels

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Breathe, Jun 25, 2018.

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  1. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Pet and I are wrapping up the remainder of our distance as our immigration journey comes to an end. Lately, we've been talking a lot about our D/s dynamic and how it'll evolve once we're together every day. There are many things I can't predict, but I am convinced our relationship will only get deeper as we start the next chapter of life.

    As an often primal Dom/me, I do fantasize about making @_and_smile spill in certain scenarios. As we all know, however, subdrop is quite an inconvenient result from a full male orgasm. We've been thinking of ways to combat these effects. Obviously, Ma Nature wins every time... but I'm of the opinion that we can at least curb the effects by taking additional 'corrective' actions afterwards.

    For several years now, I've had the occasional urge to leave him completely empty, bringing every drop of hard-earned and mostly-denied cum to the surface... multiple times, every day, for several days in a row. It's been a long four years and I've never had the option to even consider something like this, since subdrop over long distance is one of My least favorite things. Times are a-changin', though, so My mind is flooded with daydreams of the not-so-distant future...

    We're spending the next weekend together and this morning I mentioned keeping him unlocked so I can use him at any time I want, with no restrictions. I also mentioned the desire above, as a possibility for when we're finally together for good. The following conversation was exchanged afterwards.

    [​IMG]

    Such a good boy for Me. :love:

    ---​

    I've tried immediate lockup in the past and it's definitely cut down on the length of his refractory period. However, as you can see by our exchange, I do not want to rely solely on the cage to change his behavior. Neither does he.

    We've discussed a post "Owner orgasm" mandate; having him pleasure Me afterwards, regardless of his satiety, should help get his mind back on track more quickly.

    I've also entertained the thought of 'smothering' him between My thighs while he spills, as to positively reinforce the fact that My pleasure is his own. Making him associate his orgasm with My wetness all over his face and My flesh against his mouth seems like it could produce lovely results over time. I love the mental alterations... and reconfiguring his mind has been a delightful experience for us both so far.

    I'm curious to know what measures you all take (aside from chastity) to handle subdrop after a full male orgasm. What works (and what doesn't) for your relationship?
     
  2. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    Not sure if anything works, once you allow a full blown orgasm. My wife only allows ruined orgasms, and does not notice any subdrop on my part.
     
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  3. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    I can understand her desire - I've considered that hard-line requirement, too, as I adore the results of ruining him. It's like the best of both worlds when done properly; that's the exclusive tactic I've used for the last four months and it's been lovely.

    But sometimes a horny wife just craves making her husband cum, y'know? ;)
     
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  4. Retired
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    Retired Locked 6 years Nov 2018

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    You may be overthinking things. We make things very simple. We just do what we want and do not care if it even has a label of not. Then we play it by ear when we communicate what is working or not.

    As far as chastity goes we do not bother with ruined orgasms but they sometime happens during an edging gone wrong. I actually never feel them. I have to ask my wife if I ejaculated. All it does is make a mess and does not have any mental effect on me. Edging is more effective for making me more aroused or simply watching my wife make herself cum does it for us.
     
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  5. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    I'm curious @Breathe what constitutes "a better serving pet". If you've covered your guys dynamic in another thread, just direct me to it. I'm just curious if there is a component beyond the sensual/sexual of service you get from your "pet"? It might help me pose my answer to your original question. I guess put another way, what are the undesirable symptoms of sub drop? By the way all your ideas sound like a lot of fun to try.
     
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  6. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I don’t notice it, but she said she certainly does. She also said she is certain she would notice if I had “cheated” and came without permission.

    A quicker rebound? Told to clean up gets my mind there pretty fast. As does some verbal humiliation...although seeing his pic here, size teasing probably isn’t realistic. Watching her get herself off gets me going, and sending me pic, captions, and gifs of what she wants also gets me back into the swing of things rather quickly.

    You mentioned multiple orgasms and draining him, I have heard this theory before but had never tested it. Theory is that men orgasm a lot and then the sudden lack of orgasms jump starts his neediness. Something about our bodies producing high levels of hormones the more we engage, and add to that the sudden lack of having them creates a “overflow”. That and the first few days after lock up are usually the most difficult.

    Would LOVE to test this out lol!
     
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  7. sissy_connie
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    sissy_connie Long term member

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    Good to know that women can and do get horny too :)
     
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  8. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Sorry but I just have to ask..... What planet have you been living on all your life?
     
  9. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Oh boy ... another thought provoking thread!
    It will need a short story to accurately comment on - and quotes from just about everyone (which I won't at this juncture).

    I'll interpret SubDrop as the male tendency to relax his focus on the Her after he has had a release.

    That is partially true for me.
    Sometimes I wish I had the luxury of 'taking a few days off' after a full O. A full release does let a lot of pressure off - and I'd love to soak up some time after that long awaited full sigh.

    But, alas - my chores must get done! Cleaning the house daily, doing all the laundry, better make sure we have all the groceries we'll need for whatever meals she wants, making sure there enough ice cubes (believe me, i dont want them to run out - and in Texas, they DO), the TP & PT better not run low ... you get the picture. No rest for the maid.

    Plus ... after a few weeks, a single O. (which is all I am really ever allowed) is never enough. The 'wanting' an O. starts up right away. Its insidious but I love it.

    That speaks to how awful/delightful a Ruined is. I love the sensation if not the place it leaves me - no SubDrop there for me.

    The few times I have been 'emptied' (such as it is) are a love/hate event!
    I love O'ing my brains out! I really do. I can imagine that is what it is like for her - all the time.

    Do I SubDrop in those very rare moments?
    Yes & No.

    No - in that when I have been blessed with such a week - its been with my foreknowledge and I go into it with incredible anticipation & every intension of having as many O's as I can per day. As the week unfolds, each day has less volume than the day before.

    There are times later in the week where I just cant O. again - drained, exhausted ... and frustrated for a different reason - lol.

    The last time I was treated to such a gift, it was during the days my cage shipped but had yet to arrive.

    Of course when the week was over, my body was still going through overtime efforts to maintain fluid levels ... the desire to continue O'ing is more than ever. Abrupt termination of O's is very hard to ignore!

    Yes - in that after such a week, I am totally spent. Its hard to get my head back in the game. I need to rely on rote behaviors and just put one foot in front of the other - and just keep going. I dont have a choice - it has to be transparent to Her.


    Two other thoughts ...
    1. I dont have to worry having to pleasure Her after I have spilled.
    She O's before me - Ladies First. Always. Me after, every now and then.
    2. That Texting example left me breathless!

    My apologies for going into such detail - tend to avoid this.
    But the impression I got was that @Breathe was looking for such detail - so ...
     
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  10. Guest 8306
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    Verified Female

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    I very much notice a sub drop when I allow release, however she doesn’t seem to think so or see that she has.
    When I have her denied and bursting with frustration she will hang on my every word and waits with phone in hand waiting for me to message her.
    Yesterday, as mentioned in my rabbit hole post, she got to have her release.
    There is nothing more thrilling for me, especially at work when there is such a risk of us getting caught.
    I was kissed like her life depended on it, serviced by hand and mouth and then turned round, dress hitched up, hair pulled and fucked savagely for all the frustration she had pent up! It was devine.....
    Although she wanted to stay near me, to me her attentiveness dropped, more so after we left the work environment. This was pointed out. The only way I see to stop this happening is the 24/7/365 lockup I have on my mind, and moving up her PA piercing to this Wednesday!
    Thank you @Breathe for such interesting topics & similar thoughts to my own, just more eloquently put ;)
    LP
     
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  11. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    So does my wife...my tease and deny sessions include a lick and a rub. I get to lick her pussy and ass and then I get to rub little willy on her pussy and ass. A few minutes of this, and I'm extremely wet with pre cum, and she will say stop, but sometimes she will say "spoil it for me". A few more rubs, and I hold little willy at the top of her pussy, and a few seconds later, cum dribbles out and runs down her pussy on to her ass. Then of course, I get to do my clean up duty.
     
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  12. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    If that ^ is the yardstick, then I have to admit there is SubDrop for me.

    Its interesting to dissect this ...

    Kissing can be (and is!) passionate in many forms - and have noticed a difference depending on where they originate.

    When my frustration levels are rising & the thoughts of caving in to my desires start crossing my mind, I can feel a desperateness to my efforts while kissing (wherever those kisses are planted). Somewhere in those moments, my irrational mind builds hope that if my efforts send Her into the realm beyond bliss, She might be momentarily swayed to be reciprocal.

    When I am in 'Rote Behavior' mode, my actions are still driven by much enthusiasm (pleasing Her brings me no end of pleasure) ... but ... there is an absence of 'desperateness' and 'hope' - its as if my life doesn't depend on it. Of course 'life' is a metaphor for ___fill_in_your_own_blank___.

    What an eye opener this was for me to recognize & admit - that as much as I try to keep my focus on Her needs and wants, and my deep belief in FLR, and maintaining a self discipline to abide by Her wishes, and my distaste of 'subbing from the top' ... my desires do creep their way into the picture. I suppose that is a natural part of the human condition.
     
  13. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    You have such a fantastic mind!
    I forgot ... what university are you getting your Domme Doctorate from?
    Hahahahahaha.
     
  14. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    One thing this thread has made me realize is that I am almost never given an opportunity to have all the O's I want over any amount of time. Can't remember the last time that happened. She allows me one, although I don't really think that is always Her intention. She always has her O's first, and regardless of how many She gets, things end with my one, if She allows one. More often than not these days I am not allowed an O, but get edged extensively or things end with me kept frustrated. I asked Her a few months ago if She noticed a post O drop in me and the way I handle myself. She said no, and She did not notice a drop in my attentiveness, etc... I think it would be more obvious or noticeable though if I were allowed multiples over a 24 hour period or greater. I do find it more desirable lately to be locked right after my O, as I it helps bring to an end my desire to want more sexually, and brings me back to the subservient space I need to be in. My desire to be relocked after my O is not because of a post O drop. In the past, She would not let me lock up right away after my O, but lately She has allows this. I can understand pets desire to deal with post O drop in other ways beyond just putting the cage back on, and I believe with the right "training" and attention, that is most likely a real possibility.
     
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  15. jshackleton2016
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    The time I felt the least post-O drop was when my wife/mistress used the strong vibrations of a magic wand vibrator to bring me to climax while still in the cage. Something about not being let out of the cage to climax made me feel so controlled and dominated, I stayed in a very submissive state, despite the post-O hormones that usually bring me down after climax.
     
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  16. Mojoman
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    Mojoman Long term member

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    Many years ago, as a much younger man, I was in a long term D/s relationship. I have always loved the way submission maintains in me a feeling of constant arousal and well-being, so I have always found it a bit of a let-down that this is diminished by an orgasm, as nice as that orgasm may be. In those days, my powers of recovery were much better, so with no action at all, I was back in sub-mode fairly quickly. However, we found that we could shorten that period by ensuring that my submission continued immediately after orgasm. It was always my job to clean up after orgasm with no rest and sleep until I had done so. Sometimes I was told to go and get her a drink, load the washing machine, do the washing-up, or some other domestic chore, while she relaxed or fell asleep. An occasional post-orgasm spanking always seemed far more painful and difficult to take. With such immediate action taken, I was back in sub-mode the next morning, as if no orgasm had been allowed.

    I have my doubts that this would work quite so well for me now I am older and my natural recovery period is substantially longer, but I hope to find out soon.

    I'm not sure if this would work for you and your partner @Breathe and I'm sure you have already considered this. We found that after a while, my expectation was that an orgasm for me would trigger immediate servitude.
     
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  17. CZSteve
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    CZSteve Caged Submissive to my Beautiful Wife/KH n2toys

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    Excellent and timely post @Breathe

    Last Saturday I was permitted a full orgasm after being just shy of two months since a full-O; my previous length of denial had been eight months - my Goddess @n2toys had previously informed She probably wouldn't push me as long as wight months but She'll never tell me when.
    She immensely enjoys and get's a kick out of ruining me but also enjoys to make me cum with an intense orgasm and then followed by Post-O Torture.

    This past Saturday it had been two weeks since we've been able to have an intense play night and my Goddess really went to town, starting with being bound to the bed and some sensory deprivation via blindfold, harness gag, posture collar, and head phones w/ white noise.

    After teasing and torture I was released and informed She was not done with me and I going to be pegged while tied to the foot of the bed - this brought back memories of one of the most intense orgasms I've had back before we started denial.
    My Wife left me uncaged; normally I'm caged while being pegged which increases my submissive mindset - being uncaged and flashing back to the orgasm I had a few years ago while being pegged had me begging to be allowed to have a full-O.
    After some questioning from my Goddess inquiring if I really wanted to cum and informing me that if She allows it I better not be an ass over the next few days.
    My Wife granted my request and gave me an incredible orgasm that put me out of my mind.

    I initially felt my loss of desire to worship my Wife but I do cage back up right away and mentally work on focusing on doing the same routine of servicing my Wife - She knows I don't have the 'same' intense desire and is understanding.
    It's now a full three days (Wed morning) and I'm just now starting to feel the submissive desires start to build - last night I was Worshiping my wife and as She was teasing me while doing so the thought popped into my head equating my submissive desires to that of something that's down deep in the ocean and brought back up to the surface while being teased; after being denied for some time and over the post-O drop this desire remains constantly at the surface, teasing only amplifies to a boiling point this desire that's simmering on the surface.

    I think getting back into the horny, submissive and craving state for my Wife mindset is aided by being caged right away. I'm usually let out on Saturday night for torture and teasing and wonder of being kept locked and not allowed to grow will speed up the craving - prior to last Saturday I was also kept caged for two weeks and noticed the craving just to be let out was more intense after not being released as normal on the previous Saturday night.
     
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  18. Beck
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    Beck Banned

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    This is a bit of a non answer but, ...The chemicals process behind the drop is an unavoidable drawback to be sure. Mitigating the effects through distraction or verbal reminders works, but allows some daylight into the cave of control. For me, even a view of the exit triggers my fight or flight intuitions. I have often thought such survival skills so intrinsically embedded must prevent me from being fully perfectly submissive, even with the best circumstance. It may be my opinion only, but in wanting to submit, I really want to relinquish all control. I believe that doing that requires a certain amount of 'negative' or strict feedback or discipline. Without the cage, there needs to be a dynamic that is almost oppressive. There can be no way out. I know that sounds a bit dark, or obsessive, or perhaps just unrealistic, but as soon as those things wane, the so-called sub drop is a near death blow to our D/s dynamic. When we had been involved with D/s and chastity 24/7/365 a caged ruined orgasm was usually the best I could hope for, and it is a good thing too as I know that I would be very difficult to coax back into the cage willingly or without hesitations. Without the chastity device, it was at least leg shackles or some kind of restrictive insurance plan to get me to comply. But, I suppose it all has to do with incentives ultimately, if the incentive to comply is worth while then one will do so, sub drop or not.
     
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  19. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    This is actually a pretty deep rabbit hole to go down.
    Some good threads around here - not just about the physical aspects of confinement ... but delving into the headspace of having all exits blocked.
    Not dark in my opinion.

    I have been on the honor system for 3 decades - and it works for me. Mostly.
    Since I have never been locked 24/7/365 ... and of course that would be essential for 'no way out' to have real meaning for me - I can only have a limited understanding of the dynamics.
    I could totally imagine the hedging when it came time to be 'put back' though.
     
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  20. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Indeed, 87 ... them's two facts!

    [yes, i am aware that is improper grammar ... but that is how 'they' talk here.]
     
  21. Beck
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    Beck Banned

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    @Breathe - forgive my negativity. It seems you have an excellent command over your destiny. It would also seem your Pet is very dedicated and willing. Since children have entered my life, time is more fleeting than ever. It is tough to not be disappointed by the lack of time to be intimate with eachother. It is tough seeing your world change before your eyes, and beyond your control. But, such is life. I also realize the irony of that last sentence, but children really are a whole different dynamic.

    As long as your communication remains strong, I am quite sure you can have your way, no matter what, and reep the benefits of intimacy with a very dedicated partner(sub) for years and years to cum.
     
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  22. Couple4517
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    Couple4517 Active member

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    That has been a really interesting thread, we are currently in a long distance situation where we see each other every few weeks and so my lockups are usually a few weeks long. Had not considered that once we are together all the time how that might work to keep in the right mindset as would likely have more frequent orgasms (I assume...).
     
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  23. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    For us, the T&D frequency has increased... But almost two months into our no-distance situation, still no orgasm for him.

    Although I will say I find Myself thinking about it more often.
     
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  24. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    Depending on why you started chastity and the future.

    You never know what will develop. I never thought I would have just two full orgasms since Jan 1st
    and then May 24th our #38th anniversary. We still have plenty of sex just no orgasm for me. The
    mindset is I enjoy Her pleasure more than such a short spurt. There is something very deep that
    is within that makes me crave Her pleasure. There is no known cure and I am happy about that.
    What She wants is what She gets, pretty simple. I can never go back.:+1:[/QUOTE]
     
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  25. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Correct me if I'm wrong... he did agree to give or even ask to take FULL control didn't he? specifically when and if he may orgasm ... which surely does give you the complete and last word on frequency. Be that never, once a year or every hour.
     
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