Hi, I am new to chastity but it seems that I am looking for something different than most people here. I have been married for over 20 years and sex has been amazing. I have a bad masterbation habit but it was never much of an issue. Now that I am late 40’s it is hurting my performance. Sex is not great for me anymore and my wife complains I am rarely in the mood and when we do have sex I am not great. I have read about chastity devices for this issue so I bought one and have been wearing it while traveling for work. I come home extremely ready for sex and it has been awesome for me and my wife. I finally got up the nerve to tell her what I was doing. She thought it was weird and not interested. She said I could try it but was uninterested and pretty turned off . I really want to try it because I think it will help us both but not sure how to approach it again. The reason I am not sure if this is the correct forum is that I am not looking for a female led relationship or to be sub. Neither of us want that. I just want to be ready and perform when we have sex. Any help would be appreciated.
There are many aspects to male chastity and lots of us here are in vanilla relationships. If you have spoken to your wife and she's not bothered one way or the other than surely that's OK. If you are looking for her to keep hold of the keys for you then that adds a different dimension! I must admit most of us here "do chastity" as an active part of our sex lives, some to a greater extent than others. This forum is a platform for us to share our experiences and ideas and to possibly learn from as well. We are generally a friendly bunch and are always ready to offer an opinion if requested. From your introduction you seem to wish for nothing more than to be ready for your wife, which is as it should be and I believe a chastity device will certainly help. Please feel free to join us and participate as much or as little as you wish! There is no right or wrong way to chastity after all!
Thanks for the very nice reply. I do want my wife to hold the key, mainly for two reasons. The first is not trusting myself. I know I will take it off if I can get myself off and then put it back on. The second reason is my wife knows about my masturbation habit and would assume I did take it off whenever I wanted to get off. It is important to me that she knows I did not. My thoughts are to bring it up again and not ask her to hold the key yet. Do everything I can not to take it off and have amazing sex like we used to., probably for a few weeks.Then ask her to hold the key letting her know I do not trust myself and like that I am making her happy. I think it might work plus it is totally honest.
My situation is very similar in dealing with the issue of no buy-in from my wife. You may just have to go it alone and continue to self lock for a while. My hope is that natural curiosity will eventually build, and she will ease into participating.
I agree about the self locking. She has told me thousands of times not to masturbate and perform better for her so hopefully she will embrace chastity if she gets what she wants. Maybe you can find something your wife can get out of it.
The tongue can be a wonderful tool for ensuring your wife gets what she wants! Just be careful, she might just get to like it to much!
I love using my tongue and she loves it but what totally drives her crazy is when I am rock hard from start to finish. The only way I have been able to do it is when I have secretly looked myself while I was away traveling.
You are totally correct that she needs to know it is about her. I have tried but need to do it better. I think she thinks it would be too mean for her to subject me to being locked up and she would feel guilty.i maybe need to let her know how much I enjoy it when I can satisfy her.
That is my wife, flat out thinks it is gross. I have been trying to sell the idea that my pleasure doesn’t need to matter, and that as long as I please her I will be happy.
I really appreciate your response. I have been going crazy with nobody to discuss this with. You are totally correct that we need to do a lot more talking about the subject. I do not think I handled it well when we talked about it couple months ago. I got a little upset she was not buying in on the idea. She also made a comment that she would like to shove a dildo up me with the device on and I said no way. I probably should have found out why she made that comment
I think my wife will be more open to it if she understands we will both be getting pleasure from it. Maybe try to convince her that it could spice up your relationship and you would like to try it for a month and see what happens
Looking at it from her point of view, it's all going to seem a bit weird. And quite possibly that it's all about you, when you are coming at it from the opposite point of view. Our usual advice on here is: "don't rush her, remember you've been thinking about this longer than she has, so it's all new and strange to her." Good luck
Thanks. I agree I need to take it slow and discuss it with her. Everyone’s response has been very helpful
Yes, as I said above I am self locking now. I have been for a little less than 2 months. From what I have read here of other experiences it can take months even years if they have no immediate interest in the idea regardless of the reasoning.
Thanks everyone for the great advice. I think I jumped into the disucussion about wearing a device wat too fast and expected to get quick agreement. We have done a number if things to keep our sex lives intersting over the past 25 years we have been married but we had a lot of comminacation before we ever acted on any of them. I have not brought up the subject in about six months during this time she has seen the device in the drawer with some of our other toys so it should not be as scary looking at it. I have also been thinking of the best ways to approach it that will make her agree to try it. I am pretty sure if I handle it correctly I can eventually get her to want to try it. This makes me think about some of the other postings about be careful what you wish for. I have never worn the device more than one or two days at a time. I will be taking some business trips the next couple weeks where i will have the chance to wear the device for a week at a time. I think this needs to be my first step to see if I can do it and also see if it going to enhance my performance like I think it will. I would appreciate any comments or recomendations.
After hearing everyones advice of how I should approach wearing a device again with my wife I decided it was time try again. The reason for me wearing a device seems to be different than most here but all the concerns and the way I mishandled it in the past are all the same. I had jumped way ahead in the discussion and my wife was not ready. I was away all last week on business and put on my device as soon as I left. My reasons for wanting a device is to stop constant masturbation which is ruining our sex life. I took the device off before going home and then got close to my wife. She noticed a major difference in my intensity and drive. I told her what I had done and then we had the best time together in many years. This continued a few times over the weekend and she was very happy. I told her I thought it would be a good idea to wear the cage. She had some concerns from the past that I never even thought of because I was so intense about wanting to do this. The first was she thought I wanted to put her in a female version, which I do not want. Secondly she thought I wanted to give up sex because of my poor sex drive due to my masturbation, my thoughts were the total opposite. We discussed and I left for work Monday locked up with little discussion about it. I think I just need to follow everyones advice and let her get used to the new situation without scaring her off again. The intial comments really helped and hopefully she will start to love having me locked.
I apologize if this post seems like a repeat but I didn't want to read the 17 other messages lol. You are definitely at the right forum for what you are hoping to achieve and there is a lot of great information here do you and your wife. Your wife's response to your chastity request is not all that uncommon, it took my wife a couple of weeks before she decided that Chastity was something she wanted us to pursue as well. She was unsure about saying yes but after I fruitlessly tried explaining why this would be good for I ended up going to Amazon and finding a book titled "Male Chastity" by Lucy Fsirbourne and bought it for her. She read it in 45 min, came out of the bedroom and told me she wanted to lock me up. She just needed to see male chastity from the female perspective. @Mistress Jules here on this forum is a great resource and offers great advice and different perspectives. She also has a book regarding male chastity that is very good. There are a lot of good people in general here that can offer great advice. My suggestion would be to give your wife some literature so she can learn about chastity and understand what it's about versus you trying to explain everything. There's still things about this lifestyle I don't understand and I'm always learning something new about myself and mistress. Make sure your wife is armed with good information and let her make a decision from there.
Thanks for the information. I did preview the books you mentioned. I did get some good ideas to discuss but within these as any other literature there are many aspects that do not fit our situation and would turn her off immediatley. If she reads anything about me being submissve and her being dominant, she will be done plus that is not my intent of being locked up. I just cannot seem to stop the masturbation, sometimes it happens without me even thinking about it. For myself personally I am not submissive and have no plans or interest in even experimenting. Thanks for the information, there were a few items I will discuss as she is getting used to the device.
That's why I wrote my books. I couldn't take the full on Domme sub thing as if that was the only way to go. The book for ladies is written in a chatty manner as if we are sitting having a couple of glasses of wine together. As so many females have no clue about any of this or as something that could be done in daily life, it needs to be more relaxed to introduce the idea. I hope that I have managed to do that for some ladies at least.
I know what you mean, sometimes some of those books can have some stuff in them that if your mind isn't open can consume your whole idea of chastity. Seriously check out Mistress Jules book, her advice is realistic and level headed. There are many different levels of chastity and you guys just need to find a good starting point. There is a chance that she may not be into it at all but I think from the direction you're coming from hopefully she'll be more open to the idea. Good luck, I hope to see you back here with a success story!
I am sure your books have helped many couples and there are many useful ideas I picked up. The only thing I meant, in my situation now even if she read that this can be looked at in any way as Dom Sub she would not be interested in pursuing, even knowing that is not my interest either. As my title of the post says, I might be in the wrong place but the only reason I am here is that I am Desperately trying to stop screwing up my sex life and marriage. This may be the wrong approach.
I think stopping wanking as much seems to be the right approach, whether that is through chastity involving your other half or you getting some self control is your call. I think there is something called no fap that is a group or website or something to help males who masturbate too much and doesn't involve chastity. That may be useful for you.