Interesting Changes Lately

As many of you know, I wear the cage somewhat reluctantly. I won't deny that at times it adds some great fun to the mix, but on balance, were it not for how strongly @Thatgirl feels about it now, I most likely would not wear it. It's not like I would immediately rip it off if I had my way. I just know that once it came off for normal reasons it would be quite likely I would want to keep it off "for a bit", and that would probably turn into indefinitely. But, alas, that toy from the porn shop all that time ago sparked something in her, and by the time I realized my wearing it had taken on real meaning for her, it was too late. SO here I am, two years or so later, pierced, in the cage.

Part of the problem for us has always been my inability to even pretend to be submissive very well. Mixed with her unwillingness to use a heavy hand, and chastity for us has been a challenging learning process.

That all said, this last few months, and in particular this last several weeks, there has been an undeniable shift. All of a sudden, my ace-in-the-hole; Thatgirl's inability to keep me locked up for more than several days, and her habit of making lots of empty threats, has changed. Not overnight, and not 180 degrees. But absolutely evident. All of a sudden not only have the lock ups gotten longer - on the order of 2-3 weeks and getting longer each time - but more importantly, she seems to have realized how counterproductive for me to not be taking a whole to of stock when she made a demand / threat / set a rough release date. She still isn't much for physical punishment (usually), but that's just fine by me.

The effect of the changes snuck up on me, but are as undeniable as they are evident. Having so drastically reduced the frequency of my releases and my Os, things have started to happen that I've read about here but genuinely always thought was bullshit - just submissive men taking their desires and calling them reality. For one thing, She will tell you unequivocally that by and large I have shed a lot of the sharper edges of my natural dominance. I guess you can only bang your head against the wall for so long. Kudos to her for sticking with it, because any number of the KHs here would long ago have thrown the keys at me and been done with chastity. And while for most men here thats the trump card they fear, for me, it simply would have marked the end of the cage, and I would have been okay with that. Now all of a sudden the submissiveness that she's been craving is taking shape. I do try and fight it some (we'll come back to that in a bit...), but for the most part, it's simply the path of least resistance since she's all of a sudden found her backbone and gotten so firm. Moreover, O's having been so drastically reduced, I've started to notice something that I honest to God thought was pure CM member fiction: Over time, I really do crave to give her an O as much or more than I yearn for my own now. I have no idea when that snuck up on me, but when it became apparent I was shocked. And She is thrilled.

All of a sudden instead of yearning to be dominant in the bed like I have always been, but giving in to her control so she would take the cage off finally, I find myself yearning for something different. To feel her assert her control. It did nothing for me for the longest time, yet now, when she takes a heavier hand and makes her assertive demands, it seems to bring me some sort of... comfort? I'm not sure how to express it. Beyond that, and honestly more unnerving than the rest of it, is that what I fantasize about, and what I yearn for now has changed. It occurred to me just the other day that it's much more rare that I am focused on finding a way to get the cage off and have traditional sex. Instead, I find myself hoping for any number of things that she does with me frequently now, none of which require my penis at all.

Bottom line, she's taken notice, and a sort of chicken & egg snowball effect has developed. As a result, I feel not only way more submissive than I ever thought I could, but I actually appreciate what that means, and am enjoying it for what it's worth. I think about pleasing her not just because it will make her feel good, but because it really does provide some relief amidst the orgasm denial.

The down side is that she told me flat out that this is what she's been waiting for, and that if she knew honestly denying me orgasms for longer would have got me to this place, she may have been able to muster the self control to keep me denied longer a long time ago, and therefore, I should emotionally prepare myself to have FAR fewer O's. Im not sure how I feel about that, but It somehow seems less relevant than it did not so long ago. It normally would have garnered a negative reaction from me. Instead a "yes ma'am" was all I had. What else could I say? There's simply no denying that things have been going so well with her asserting herself, and me letting go. Now that she's gotten more dominant, I feel somehow more comfortable being (rather than acting) more submissive. Now I just hope she can keep it up, because Im starting to understand what going without the O can do for us, but I know if she relents, I will fill the void. Maybe that won't always be the case, but it is still at this point.


Back to how I 'fight" the submissiveness taking over. Every so often, and more and more now, I really notice the changes. And sometimes, for whatever reason, I feel like I need to counterbalance it. So Ill spend some time pulling up real maledom vids and reminding myself that THAT is who I am, not her submissive slave. It's a losing battle, but nonetheless I do it. That's what brought on tonight's events (she caught me) and was not happy. She'd been asking me to post this thread for a while, but I've resisted. Tonight she was having none of it.

 

It’s all very unexpected and at times i don’t handle it well. I subconsciously and quite passive aggressively push back. It’s only recently that She’s begun to push me through those periods by coming down harder rather than getting nervous about my silent pouting.

I have not been easy. She’s worked so hard to shift my mind from its original state, All while trying to grow her own dominant side. It’s only now that her dominance has grown to the point that i was able to let more of my dominant side go and allow the submission to take up the space left. I sometimes feel bad that she has to act so dominant to keep me in line, but nothing else did it. When I’m whining about the device / chastity she seems more likely to assert herself and demand I be good, whereas normally she would have sensed I was stewing and got quiet and Disengaged.

That’s the hard part. I have to say blatant shows dominance from her are has allowed me get to this point. It’s just such a surprise, for all the reasons listed above.

 

Well thank you for that. Coming from a totally different direction, as you said, sometimes complicated things. She had to keep me somewhat happy so I’d agree to keep it on. Now she’s realizes she doesn’t have to do that - she has to be extra firm and keep her word. That shes done so much better with it lately is what allowed to past that hump.

And since she was pissed about the porn, she’s telling me that after the 4 days left in lock up expire, she’s going to be extending it. Which is going to a lot of denial for me. She said something about finishing the month. So I’ll take that as worst case and hope she ends up only adding a week or so (or less) to the lock up.

 

Thanks for your interest. I never really considered myself all that dominant. But it’s all relative and it’s become clear that regardless of what I thought, dominance was ( was? Is? I don’t even know any more) definitely the defining characteristic especially of my sexuality.

I realize it makes for interesting reading because it’s decidently different than the paths of most men. But sometimes I feel bad because I know I make this much more challenging for her than it could otherwise be. I almost wish it came more naturally so she could focus 100% on her instead of always having to be careful to spot and correct my decidedly not-submissive tendencies.

But the reality is that at least once or twice per week I genuinely and truly want to quit chastity. It happens less often now that she’s gotten more comfortable maintaining authority, and it usually passes within a day. But during those times, I want this thing off. I want to show her a romp that leaves her sore and spent - the kind that I’m used to, or used to be used to I guess. The sort of aggressive use of force that made her weak in the knees for me from the first time we slept together. I want to stop working on being submissive. I want to jerk off when I want to jerk off. These times of doubt got worse as chastity became more serious. Most of the time I just “misbehave” at those times. Because I am after all still securely locked, but I resent it and it shows.

I’m better now about letting them pass, because they do pass. But it’s also happening less becauxe she’s letting it happen less. I do see that. And with her asserting herself so much more and in ways I never expected, it’s made it somehow easier - I don’t have to struggle as much to be submissive when her dominance leaves me no space to be any way else. And obviously a part of me enjoys it or I never would have let any of this happen, and that part of me is growing whether I like it or not. That’s where this recent resolve of hers about denying me orgasms has really had an impact. It’s one of those things I thought was CM bullshit, but being denied beyond you comfortable timetables simple makes you more inclined to follow and to please then to push back.

I’m sure I’ll continue to put up a fight, sometimes on purpose, sometimes subconsciously. But I’m running out of ways to push back that work to get her to give in, or that work to remind me of the dominant sexuality I always identified with and loved. That sounds like a bad thing, but it’s opened me up to amazing experiences. Plus, she nips that stuff in the bud so much faster now, and with so much more force that she actually snaps me back into line, which wasn’t possible earlier on.

It can be hard sometimes, but it’s always fun, even when it’s not, it actually is on some level, so it’s wirth it. And the bottom line is, there’s just no way around the reality that she loves it this way, and when my mind lets me actually let go of control, I do too.

 

That’s all very true. Without the piercing this couldn’t have come this far. Knowing that there’s no sense trying to get out of the cage is so helpful in submitting to it (once it’s on anyway). Just like having a device that isn’t legitimately secure would not have worked for me, I suppose it’s the same with dominance and submission in general. Maybe I can’t really feel submissive without feeling the dominance that I’m supposed to be submissive to. At least not quite yet. And sometimes I’m not even sure I want to feel submissive. That’s where She has had to step in. During those times.

And I hope you’re right. I hope the fact that I’m difficult at times makes the increasing success of Her efforts that much more enjoyable for Her. That’s what’s most important. And I don’t ever want my mixed feelings to be confused for actual unhappiness - this has been a crazy ride that’s pushed my limits in all sorts of ways, and it’s absolutely been a blast, and continues to be.

 

***heavy sigh*** To react or not react. That is the question.

Lets see if I can split the options down the middle here.

@David.2k - go away. Thanks.

@Jasmic68 - don’t let him blame Brazil. I know many Brazilians, Colombians, Venezuelans, and even a “handful” of Puerto Ricans. This is Florida, after all. And while it’s true there’s a stronger element of machismo in many of them then most white Western cultures, most all of them that I’ve known have the cranial processing power not to say such dumb shit. David’s analysis wouldn’t be entirely without merit if it weren’t entirely shallow, and didn’t repeatedly lean on flawed analogy. Not to mention everything @ineverknew says is of course absolutely right, particularly when he points out the small fraction of our daily activities our fun - and that’s what it is - accounts for.

My bet - David is alone, and not so deep down, jealous as hell of much of what he reads here. He wouldn’t likely have found the place if that weren’t the case. So he takes on the role of antagonist, like a grammar school bully resentful of the kid with nicer clothes or the one with a girlfriend. I can appreciate the role of antagonist, but don’t phone it in. How old is this thread? Digging a little deap into the archives to rustle something up, aren’t we?

Recommendation: return to your basement dwelling with lotion and tissue. Where you feel safe, strong, and in control. Because I promise you I’m happier than you are.

 

Gusss that would fall closer to the “react” end of the spectrum. Hard to fight nature