Locked

Oh yes. It does indeed. I suppose it is rather on the large side for a closet too. More of a boudoir maybe

 

Was invited to bed last night. Not for anything other than to sleep. I earned it she said. It was bittersweet in a way as I have this feeling like she is taunting me. I did do as I was told, that is true. I earned it yes. But I have this very strong feeling that she only allowed me to sleep in her bed last so she could toy with me. The question kept me wondering in a paranoid circle for hours. I ended up getting less sleep than I would have locked in the closet. Which brings me to another thing making me kinda think too much- the inescapable parallel between the saying 'in the closet' and the recent territory revoked from my domain. She has been very obviously teasing but says things like "you're locked in the closet because I want you there" or "you are my closeted sissy slave" or "too bad you cannot come out of the closet" --- I am in this state of aporia constantly. I spent so many years avoiding truths and things that speak to my personality I have made myself self loathing, and rather hard to gauge. Those things I do not like, are the things that physically dominate who I am. The elements of who I wish I was, are mostly right under the surface, always guiding what I do, but emotional and tired of being ignored. There have been times in my life when the surface some how rolled back and exposed the real me. I was horrified by reactions I encountered in my tiny bubble, and recoiled into my shell for so many years. Only my wife has been able to talk down my defenses, and thereby allow me to show my authentic self. I owe her so much. And yet she puts up with me and gives the gift of keeping my chastity cage locked, which has changed us forever.

 

When she carries her keys loosely, they dangle together and produce a distinct sound. My body has begun to react to this sound. She had said it was time for bed, grabbed her keys and began to head for the bedroom, pausing only to lead me with her glance. I replied yes Ms and followed listening to the clink of the keys she carried in front of me. Once in the room she instructed me to lock the door. I replied that I needed a shower, to which she said ok but to be quick. Once out she was waiting in bed, and told me plainly that if I make her cum she will let me sleep in bed, but if she has to turn to her vibrator I sleep in the closet.

I did my best, but she was impatient and went for her vibrator. Once she came, she laid back and said to go wait in the closet. I felt my chest sink and though she had warned me, I began to feel kind of freaked out. But, I did as I was told. I heard the keys. She came in a moment later with the shackles and fastened my legs to the wall. I felt myself struggling not to say anything stupid. She then presented two pink leather mittens with wrist locks and locked them on. She then mounted me as I lay there restrained and somewhat disappointed and began to slowly rock over my cage with her still wet pussy. She told me it is for my own good, and that next time l should try harder to make her cum more quickly. Pain intensified deliciously as my cage tightened to the max. As I felt my legs and hands restrained, the sense of panic suddenly disappeared turning to a euphoric daze as I watched her slowly dry fuck me. Just when I began to push back and moan from the pleasure she was giving she leaned down and kissed me, and said goodnight. Quickly she was gone, leaving me in the darkness of the closet, restrained and waiting for morning.

While I love every moment, there are difficulties to be sure. Mostly it is a mental game. But there is no doubt in my mind how serious she is taking all of this, and I've never before been so obsessed with pleasing her.

 

I have not had a break from my cage for fifty days now. The goal my wife has in mind is 90 days. Lately I've had many moments where the cage is not even noticeable. I do of course notice it, but I have actually adapted quite well. When she directs her attention to me, it immediately reminds me how strict my chastity cage is. She has become very good at teasing, which is the best thing in the world. She can keep my attention very easily with only a few tricks and I am humbled by the cage and its grip within seconds. On the other hand, my abilities to arouse myself seem to still be working, but it is as if my body does not allow a full effort. Chastity has become normal to my body, but my brain is still fighting. Her focus has been very bondage oriented lately. I have been very obedient, and I know she loves that. I have been submitting more fully and more quickly, though I still like to protest from time to time. She has been relentless with quick follow through, and that is still kind of new but both fantastic and humbling at the same time. I still am amazed how much of her power resides with me keeping my mouth shut. I shouldn't be though. She loves me very much, and respects what I have to say. When I go on yapping I tend to both sabotage my good situation and myself simultaneously. Learning to be submissive to her is allowing me to see myself as fully respectful, not that I haven't always been so. Just, now with her loving authority and its ratcheting grip on our relationship, I see where I was an ass before, and how ironically it was allowed because of what is 'normal' -nor was I inclined to be submissive about any of it. I wasn't exactly domineering either, but given the typical dominance society has ascribed to men, some of it was just nurtured into my DNA and a matter of day to day interactions/everyone else. Now we are more centered on each other than ever before, and I see so clearly what she needs. Of course, she feels more open to directly tell me what she needs now that she has me under her lock and key. So there is that too. I feel more able to tell her what I need also, and I get her exclusive attention intimately. I am lucky

 

No she is not, but I agree! It would be very nice, but I think I might also be terrified by that prospect! haha!

 

Ok so I do not want to brag but, I had a completely hands free orgasm that practically put me into shock.

I was being very obedient but still found myself locked in the closet to sleep, but because I had been so well behaved I was getting a lot of attention. She has really taken to edging me lately. She has noticed that once I am restrained I am particularly susceptible to being teased. I almost go completely nuts and then slip into subspace, which further subdues my mood and my submission goes into autopilot. I get the feeling of weightlessness. She loves to tease me right to the edge... well, I got there and jumped!! We were so into the moment all of a sudden from subspace I went straight to heaven. With almost no touching at all, she coaxed me to a very powerful orgasm that absolutely shook me and left me a drooling puddle. It was an out of body kind of experience. The cage, my body, all seemed to disappear into some kind of abyss where all that was left was this gravitational pull on my soul, ripping this energy that was pure orgasm right out of me. My ears rang for a good minute before I felt back to myself again.

A good orgasm is like being above life, where for a few moments a sensation of adrenaline and happiness is all you are. For me, that is what this is all about really. Fucking awesome pleasure. Hers. Mine. Who doesn't want that? I cannot believe it is hard to imagine what it might be like without the cage. Only another month and a half to go...

 

---

So only a while longer and I will have been locked for the longest amount of time in a long while.

While this seems like an accomplishment, maybe, it also feels like the end. She is more confident and strict than ever, and I more submissive than ever. As I dive deeper into submission, it begins to feel like suffocation. The deeper we go, the longer my device has remained on, the more romantic we are towards each other. The more submissive I am, the more strict she is. The more repetition I show in being obedient, the more repetition she shows in her dominance. If I question her she backs off, and if I remain obedient, she gets more determined. If I act upset, she leaves me alone. If I act according to her direction she is happy. I want her to be happy. The paradox is that it is at the cost of my penile liberty. yes. penile liberty. Yet, sometimes I want my thingy gone. Sometimes I just want to get the f out of chastity. Change is the only constant, really.

Out of nowhere, she told me point blank that my chastity is all about me. She did not elaborate, but, I was a bit bewildered. I did not expect her to say that, but I guess is there is some truth to it. When I get a chance, I want to ask her again what she gets out of it. But, even if she can't say anything definitive, I fear there is no way to convince her that I shouldn't have to wear the device. Her resolve seems to be cemented. I could of course destroy the device if I really wanted out. But if I did I know she would be hurt. I do want out, but I won't be destroying anything. My more submissive state seems to have forced silence over my resilient side.

 

@ineverknew coming up on 70 days.
@Mascara^Snake my belt hasn't come off, so no change there!

In my opinion, the only way my chastity is all about me would be if I self locked. I have never had ownership of the keys. She has always been in charge of that. She wouldn't be motivated to engage in BDSM if I weren't locked, and only continues because I cooperate. However, as I stated, we're at a point now where she is very familiar with what I can handle or put up with in terms of the device making my release from chastity less than likely, even with some considerable complaining. Because Ms. Lori makes inescapable devices that are extremely well thought out, there is basically no difficulty with the device, hygiene while locked, and long term lockup is completely possible.

I am getting what I asked for, even though I didn't actually know what that was, and still am not entirely sure. I think I thought I was giving something, when in fact I was asking for something to be taken. I am also a paradox. I've seen some posts about 'it isn't real chastity until you want out' or something to that effect... well check that box. It isn't that I want an end to our situation at all, it is just that the bondage can be a bit much at times, more than I ever expected. I feel like I've been a farmer begging for rain, where one day the rain finally came in the form of razor bladed sleet.

 

@ineverknew yes basically. I can either live within the box I have created, or destroy it all and probably now much of our relationship with it. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Or chastised if I don't, lol!

 

You're always a voice of sanity for my world Ms Amanda. Thank you.
I've been dealing with some stuff lately and it has probably made me more anxious than normal.

 

My life, like a cosine wave, always a step or two out of sink. My life has changed very dramatically recently. There is no time for chastity because of this. The reality is even when chastity was becoming a full time commitment, it is still a game behind a lock. A very fun and enjoyable game, but not one I cannot entertain at this moment where I have a lot of work to do and no time at all for anything even remotely slowing me down. In a way, my personality has to adapt too. I must not be submissive or timid at all right now. I must face head on that which has faced me and caused such turmoil. There is no option.

 

In the last few months I have not been a participant in chastity. I was released during a moment of high intensity but not due to consequence from miscommunication or a relationship issue. Life gabbed me by the balls. Now with my liberation, I have found that it is likely that I will not submit again so easily. Perhaps, I will never again. Something has awoken inside me. I am a survivor. I have not had an easy life. Until the last decade I made Holden Caulfield seem like a very well adjusted and happy individual. Then my life became somewhat tame and normal. I had persevered over the difficulties, yet I hadn't, and still haven't looked deep enough to resolve them. You might say I am lacking personal authenticity. While I am extremely empathetic, I am not able to really help myself. I allowed problems to become deep seeded, and they began to surface while I was in chastity and submissive. I was dealing with them. Life was somehow hopeful when the weight of having control was lifted away from me. Then there was a dramatic change. The change, is only temporary but the effect may be lasting. I cannot see myself letting my guard down. I cannot see myself as submissive. She, my former key holder, will have to put up an argument like never before to get me back into that device. For now, my mind is made up, and an arrogant fortress of stubbornness.

 

One thing in life is certain, normalcy is an illusion.

But, I suppose if what you are referring to is my stubborn nature, then that would be an apt observation.

 

Ok.
So there was a very brief discussion last night about chastity. I was not asked to lock up, I was just told she liked things better when I was. I made a snide comment (SURPRISE!) that the only way she'd get my submission would be if she really took ownership of the situation, or if she purchased a neosteel. She did not reply right away, but later she texted me from the bedroom she was going to sleep and that getting a neosteel was very likely going to happen. I did not reply. I'm not sure I believe her. While we already have a Lori device, we don't use it right now. She has not asked me to lock back up at all, and I cannot imagine things would be any different with a new device, not to mention the major investment. So the question is would it be worth it? I mean, if I consider all that has happened, I know our sex life was incredible when we used chastity, but the let down of letting it fall out of favor has been substantial. Also, why would getting a new device change anything? I doubt it would. I know I should just lock myself up and hand her the key, but I feel a certain obligation of defiance in that realm considering all that we've been through. If she really wanted it, she would try harder, right? Getting a new device, no matter how insane, is likely to not change her level of commitment. It might be a fun thing for a while, but I fear I cannot submit to her anymore. It is weird how a life event can change a dynamic. Although I readily admit things were awesome when I had submitted to her, and increasingly getting more beautifully delicious, I have this sense of needing to lead right now, and I think she is the one who should submit! Ha. Yeah, that'll never happen.