Gosh, where do I go with this?

As someone who spent nearly two years as a hormonal eunuch (my balls quit working, and it took my doctors a while to figure out what was going on) I'll second the words of caution.

I too have had similar experiences re: dysphoria, and have in the past considered and fantasized about both castration and/or penectomy.

The reality of being a eunuch was (for me) nothing like what I'd read. I don't doubt that some find the "eunuch calm" they seek. What I found was massive weight gain, depression, mood swings, uncontrollable temper, hot flashes, and unrelenting dark suicidal thoughts.

Now that I'm on T replacement and back to mid-normal levels, I'm a lot better (still working on losing the weight tho).

Like everyone has said, take it slow and steady.

(I'd still jump at the chance for a professional penectomy though)

 

No idea, and I'm honestly not really qualified to have an opinion. Medicine and biology is weird. That's one reason we have really effective anti-depressants that can have side effects in some people like "causes suicidal thoughts".

I can give you some anecdotals though: my doctor said I had the lowest T-levels she'd ever seen on an adult, male or female—well below "clinically low" even for a 40 y.o. woman.

So maybe there's a "sweet spot" for low T that brings on the calm? Or maybe something in my biochemistry makes me react differently to low/no T? I know I'm not alone in that though. I've read of other eunuchs who experienced similar outcomes and they eventually went on T replacement.

All I can say for sure is to make sure you're under the care and monitoring of a skilled endocrinologist if you go this route, and make sure you and your wife are paying attention to your moods and behaviors. Depression and suicidal thoughts are not at all rational and can come on with shocking rapidity.

 

Shepherdsflock, you might consider the effect that accidental exposure of your penectomy (if you have one) might have on your children. Accidents happen.

 

The truth is that male and or female hormones (both sexes have both, in different ratios) are needed to maintain optimal health especially at older ages. Dementia, and osteoporosis are two effects of low testosterone that jump immediately to mind.

If you want to be impotent, I'm sure that a calculated series of penile injuries can induce that. Being impotent will not, of course, affect your desire - just your ability.

A counselor will be able to advise you better, but it's possible some high dose SSRIs like Prozac will reduce your libido greatly.

 

I cannot think of anything worse than to still have the desire but not the ability to do anything about it.

 

I don't know... to me that seems like a much easier conversation to have than explaining what a chastity device is. We've already had the "everybody's bodies are different" talk, and our kids have seen people now and then (even other kids) with limb amputations...

 

That it is, but having a penectomy whilst not having a castration would be chastity on a completely different level!

Not that I get to use my penis much any way!

But there is always hope...

 

Shepherdsflock, I've been a lurker on here for the most part, checking in and out from time to time. I was interested in your posts because I believe we share some of the same background. You mentioned you were Christian and had only been with your wife. I share the same history with my wife, and as such I'd like to chip in from a fellow Christian's perspective. First, I applaud you for being committed to your wife and seeing it through for you and your kids despite the sexual issues you've experienced. It's so easy in today's society to call it off and break the promises made at your wedding. Second, I'm glad you found chastity as something that has awoken some sexual desire in your wife, while at the same time showing your love for her by being chaste for her. From a biblical perspective I believe most things are 'permissible' from a biblical perspective inside a committed marriage. Exploring fantasies, toys, roleplay, etc are great ways to bring more intimacy to your marriage.
However, i would stop short at anything that is damaging to yourself or your marriage. For example, porn can be damaging to your relationships inside and outside of marriage. (Side note: Ironically, porn helped me discover chastity, and then chastity along with a good support group and church helped me reduce my porn intake and stop masturbating)
So going down the road of damaging your God given body is something you should think long and hard about and pray about with your wife. I don't know everything about you, but on the surface I would say that a dysphoria is a disease. You don't treat a disease by catering to it. For example, you wouldn't advise someone who suffers from anorexia to continue to starve themselves. You would get them help to cure the anorexia.
Another thing to think about would be, God forbid, your wife were to pass away. Permanently altering your genitalia would have major implications for a future spouse if that were ever to happen.
I'd be interested in private messaging with you for some advice of my own if you're up for it at some point as well. Cheers.

 

No doubt, castration is a complex and permanent process and it's heartening (and wise) that you're consulting experts. While I'm uncaged (irrelevant because I'm flaccid due to medication), my wife and I have decided that my penis is only to be used for urination and that sitting down. If my wife desires it (she never has mentioned it) and I were to get the go-ahead from medical professionals I would happily agree to surgical castration. My testicles no longer have a practical use and their removal would neuter me visually, which would please me. Thanks for sharing your journey.

 

One thing I'm not sure you people are considering is that when you go the route of chemical castration it not only destroys you libido and ability to get erections(though that can vary) you also lose the mental initiative. So say months and months from now you chemically castrated and your wife wants to make love whatever that is, your mental attitude most likely will like "meh", or no thanks, seems like a lot of work, not interested. Whether your penis works or not your sexual libido comes from testosterone which you will have none of. just a thought I think you should consider. From my personal experience I was put on an anti-anxiety medication a few months ago after some health problems, I'm only 43, and this medication destroyed my interest in sex in every possible way. Nothing turned me on and just had no desire. Was not fun.

 

Howdy, I just read the entire thread and am a bit worried for you.

Having some issues with my hormone system right now and have seen several different doctors and specialists. I have a whole different situation than you, but know from speaking to them that this is a delicate balancing act that you probably shouldn't mess with unless you HAVE to.

I was born intersex, had many female secondary sexual characteristics. In the 70's it was treated with surgeries and massive doses of hormones to jump start my system into being male and to grow male characteristics. It worked for the most part. My labia and pseudo vagina was sewn shut, testicles were surgically moved down(after a few years), and the hormone treatments allowed for some penile growth and was hairy in all the "right" places. Somethings developed after puberty breast growth, hip development, female fat distribution, and I don't sweat or smell like a normal guy. It all seemed to work, I grew up male, look male besides some awkward years when my breasts developed as a teen, and acted male. Yes I said acted. I never felt male and have overcompensated my entire life. So much so, I have trouble just being me because sometimes the role is so engrained.

Anyway, I guess I didn't need to share all that but since it's already typed will leave it. My point being, is that it's a delicate system, and now after many years, my body is having trouble converting testosterone. The doctors say this will take time to fully happen but is slowly becoming estrogen dominant. More testosterone will not help, I make plenty, it's not being processed. All three doctors told me I would eventually need to take estrogen at some point. Your body needs these to do various things that stabilize your body.

You say you do not want to be feminine or change...a certain amount WILL happen. I am going through this now, it's not all at once or openly noticeable to the general public but changes occur. I do not feel comfortable taking my shirt off anymore. They aren't man-boobs, they are and look like breasts. Also, although I am lacking testosterone conversion, I am horny all the time. Mostly through chastity I'm sure and all that has happened from it. My erections are still right there when I need them once the cage is removed and can finish in seconds if allowed.

So I guess what I'm saying is be careful. The endo system is not something to be messed with unless it's needed. Yes people take hormones to change gender, but it's not without risk, and usually comes down to saving their life because without it they are miserable. Not something to be done on a whim, so your wife doesn't have to see you hard, or so you can cuddle with her without her feeling guilty.

 

Your wife needs to understand that castration is permanent and that it literally would be your sacrifice. The only question is: do YOU want castration?