Why do i have these fetishes?

I know where my fetishes come from. When I was 13 my friend's overly developed sister slapped my face for grabbing her breasts on a dare. She slapped me so hard that my ears were ringing when I went to bed. That is when I masturbated to the thought of her slapping me and what her breasts would look like. Throughout the years, what I imagined her doing to be grew to the extreme. I was her whipping boy and toilet slave. She would kick my in the testicles so hard that I fell to the floor where she would spread my legs apart with her feet and kick me again. In my fantasies she did everything I ever read about with knives, lit cigarettes, various impact devices, nipple clips, bondage, etc.. She was and still is the only face I see in my fantasies. That is how I got into BDSM with a major in S&M.

Unlike you, I focused on her and not the body parts or what she was doing to me. I remember the look of pure venom on her face after she slapped me and that was what I concentrated on. I am 66 and her face is still the only one I see in my fantasies and is the girl I think about every day of my life and who I think of when I have trouble getting hard or ejaculating. There is nothing she has not done to me in my masturbation fantasies. Every fetish you will find on Fetlife and more so. That is where all my fetishes stem from. Even chastity feeds my masochism and all the stuff you mention is just part of the general sexual submissive masochist in me. In my case, I am not aroused by feet and other stuff like that. To me it is humiliation and submission to do those things that do not turn me on.

P.S. - Although I lost touch with that buxom shapely and tall blonde Norwegian goddess, I married her best friend unknowing 7 years later and my wife asked her girlfriend to have sex with me while she waited downstairs. After we were done I asked my wife to join us and she did. We both discovered that her girlfriend was secretly bi and that my wife was repressing her bisexuality too. So it all worked out and that big breasted girl moved in with us and became the third member of our poly triad. Yes, she was naturally dominant and enjoyed hurting men. She would sign with pleasure with every moan of my pain. Her thighs would be soaked with her lubrication after whipping me or CBT. She only allowed me to have intercourse with her about 3 times in all those years because she felt it was a submissive act for a female but by doing it while slapping and punching my face while wearing nipple clips and then choking me until she had an orgasm, it was not submissive in her mind. Dreams can come true and she ended up being better than anything I fantasized about. Funny thing is that although I think about her during ex with my wife, so does my wife.

 

My then partner and I created boarding schools for adult boys, girls and 'special girls', back in 1987.

One of the early pupils used to come to many of those 'school terms' though they lasted less than a week.

He'd look out for new pupils on the first night, who were wandering around dazed by their first day.

He'd say, "Don't worry about the why! Better men and women have gone mad thinking about that! If it feels 'right' and you're enjoying yourself, carry on and make the most of it it. If it feels 'wrong', make your excuses and leave." Wise words!

 

right and wrongs tend not to be universal. society, parents, schools and religion is where most guilt originates often about the things that naturally make you feel good. most of us have sexual triggers. most fit society's norm and some don't. so we learn to keep private that which might effect our lives adversely. that's doesn't mean we are wrong. the ones that judge us poorly for what gives us pleasure should be the ones who question their behavior. obviously both parties consent and no sex with children.

 

I can remember like yesterday, I neighbor girl that was 4 years older got me alone in a tent when I was 8. We really didn't do much, but it was the tone of the encounter that stuck with me.

She was very much in charge of the whole deal, told me exactly what she wanted me to do, and was even threatening in a way, although I kinda knew she wouldn't tell anyone.

My next experience that had something to do with my kinks was I had a sexual relationship with an older woman when I was almost 16 who I had worked with(32). She was a very giving and loving lady but sexually very domineering. It stuck.

I suppose it also has to do with some issues I had with my mother...and now seek a strong loving, stern female authority figure.

I also suppose even knowing why, doesn't make any

 

I remember as a little boy (less than 10) being fascinated with and attracted to girls underwear. It obviously wasn't a sexual attraction as you don't have those feelings that young, but it was an attraction. I think my first foray into it as an adult was in my early 20's. I realized while watching porn I was attracted to the thought of being the woman in the scene. I thought maybe I'm gay? But I wasn't the least bit aroused or interested by gay porn. Then I found some early transvestite porn where it was guys dressed up as women, not like today where they've had boob jobs and a lot of other plastic surgery. Anyone remember Karen Dior? I also found some of my first strap on porn (babes ballin boys I think). Really identified with those. A girlfriend at the time who was somewhat adventurous would finger bang me and worked her way up to 3 fingers. After we broke up she left behind a few lingerie outfits I had bought for her. I started wearing them while masturbating to my TV and Strap on videos. I went through a long drought without a serious relationship and my main sexual release was masturbating to porn. I bought more and more crossdressing stuff and got more and more into anal play.

Fast forward a decade and I'm married, but no kids yet. Wife plays with me in some of these scenarios using the strap on, but not her favorite thing. One day we are talking about her past relationships and she's talking about a guy she dated where the sex was really good and it slipped out that the guy was black. I'm not sure why this was a big thing, but I couldn't get the image of my wife with a black lover out of my head. Around the same time she admits that one of her great sexual fantasies is to be with multiple partners at the same time. Now we have the cuckold fantasy developing and with it naturally comes husband humiliation. We both start getting aroused by the dirty talk of her being with other men because I can't satisfy her.

So to recap we have a healthy dose of cross dressing combined with certain gender fluidity and then we add humiliation to the mix. Seems like the logical jumping off point for either a dominatrix and/or cuckold type life style. Well having kids changes a lot and for us it dramatically altered our sex life. I love my kids and I wouldn't change anything about having them in my life, but it nearly ruined my relationship with my wife because of how much it shook up our sex life. Fast forward another 10 years and I keep trying to get different kinks up and running with her to no avail. One day while browsing on Amazon I come across a cheap pink silicone chastity device and the book a key holders guide. So I give it to her for Christmas and boom, just the right thing at just the right time and it takes off. We still have our issues, but it plays naturally for us. It's not forced like the strap on play was.

So why the kink I am attracted to? Was it the little boys panty fetish? Was it the girlfriend who stuck her finger in my butt? Was it the porn that altered me? Or was I that way and the porn resonated with me because of who I was? Why did chastity suddenly click for my wife when so much else hasn't? I don't know the answer. I do know that trying to run from your desires is as pointless as being a slave to them. I don't think it's a simple cause and effect relationship either. I think like most things in life it's an evolution over time. If we fast forward another 10 years who knows where any of us will be?

 

I do t think anyone can clearly answer the question where do Fetishes come from but they do come from something we've experienced in our life. If we we're never exposed to something different we wouldn't know it existed right. Maybe we're more curios than other people or crave more Excitment.

As for my spanking fetish. The first time I was exposed to this was when I was at home alone. I was about 14, I was already interested in girls,sex,seeing girls panties, seeing them nude etc. I was ready some of my Dads magazines when I came across a story about two people going for a walk in the woods when the lady bent the man over a fallen tree. I thought what she would do next was get on top of him and have sex with him, like every other story. Nope not this one. She bent him over a fallen tree and spanked his bum with a tree branch. I Rememmber getting excited and getting a Hardon. I went to the bathroom and Masturbated just thinking about this guy getting spanked.

That was my first exposure to sexual spanking, something that I still crave 40 years later.

 

I can relate to a lot of what @PouchPantyLover has said , I always was fascinated with female underwear from a very young age maybe 8 or 10 years old but at the time did not understand my feelings , at 13 / 14 I started to find my thoughts on this underwear sexual , then at 16 I had my first real sexual encounter with a lady of 25 , she straight away noticed how excited her underwear made me and suggested I put it on which I did , as we made love she kept telling me what a naughty boy I was for wearing her clothes which only exited me more , Well that was it after that all I wanted was to dress in female underwear and have ladies dominate me sexually , the feelings have never left me and have only got stronger and now plays a big part in my relationship with my present partner / Mistress ,we have been together for 25 years and now love our roles in our relationship . so I think for some fetishes whatever they may be are built in us somehow they just need to be brought out and explored and are part of our make up as people and should never be suppressed as it is what makes us the true people we all are

 

I think that my fetishes are as a result of early experiences

The first was when I was 10-12 years old and our next door neighbor played tennis. There one day was a pair of white frilly tennis knickers on the washing line. All I can remember was just looking that this mind numbing item of woman’s clothing. Even to this day there is always something special about a pair of frilly knickers.

Another early memory was of watching a TV programme, “Jewel in the crown” or something like that
During this drama, a girl (older than myself at the time I was about 12 years old) was spanked on her bottom for some misdemeanour. At the time of watching this I had a strange tingling feeling in my groin.

A final early memory was of a pair of trainer pants that belong to my sister. These where cotton with a plastic outer pant. I used to occasionally wear these, and had to hid them from my parents and sister, to stop them been return to her.

I also wonder want a fetish will be seen as in the future , after “fifty shades of grey” , has the accepted boundaries changed. With spanking as been “normal” part of one way of making love. Not just where the woman has to “lie back and think of England”