What do you expect out of CM?

A great post by @Thatguyontheinternet which neatly goes over some topics at play here, thanks for writing.

On Miss Lucy - You're right, she could be abrasive, mildly delusional, and made some ridiculous claims about 'the men here' etc.
Without a doubt she rubbed people up the wrong way at times.
The correct way to deal with this sort of poster when they appear is very easy.
Report anything you really don't like and ignore the rest. That's it.
If you can respond by engaging in positive ways, and I know many did and do, then great do that, but if they're being an idiot in response then leave the thread. It's that simple.
*edit* I'm not saying that I think Miss Lucy IS an idiot, just quite particular, and not your average poster by any means, and the world is a better place for having odd people and her in it.*end of edit*

You're also correct to say that none of the moderator team post about their own chastity lives. I can only speak for myself really, but one element that affects my own posting and probably the same that affects the others, as well as many members here is that once you have been in chastity for some years - there's not so much new to discover and the excitement of sharing about it wanes. This is the No1 reason that I think most members stop being so regular in their posts and visits to CM.
As to why I share little to nothing of my personal chastity experiences on the forum, it really comes down to two things. One is that my partner, who I refer to here when I do as Wonderful, is a very private person. If I share of my own life then I am sharing of hers as well, and it feels wrong to do so. So out of respect and deference to her preferences I choose not to. The second thing is that I am an observer rather than a talker. In groups I tend not to speak much, but I do listen. In one to one chat I'm happier to be more open with my life. If anyone has a problem with that I would just say that none of us are under any obligation to post or share here anything more than we choose to. If you choose to share your life, that's fine, if you choose not to, that's equally ok.

So am I, are we, as moderators, any less welcoming to those in relationships living an FLR, or working it out as they go, or picking up bits that fit into their hectic home lives as best they can when they can than we are to individuals who may well have ploughed their own furrow for so long without turning round they're now waaaaaay over the other side of the valley and heading off into the back of beyond? Of course we're not, we're welcoming of all sorts. Apart from fake dommes and scammers. We don't want them.

I've commented about CM being a refuge, and it is. We discuss things here that we cannot discuss even with our best mates, and those things are deeply intimate parts of ourselves that touch our core values. For that reason it is really important that the place IS supportive, that it IS accepting, and that if someone is baring intimate details of themselves that they are given space to do so. I'm not saying that anyone here doesn't do that btw, I'm just on a soapbox now, grinding my axe and thumping the tub.

It was recently pointed out to me that my own moderation was biased, and not entirely fair, and I've given this some thought.
I'm from a dysfunctional family, my parents fought and ultimately separated but continued to fight. I was bullied as a kid by my elder sister as well as in various playgrounds at various schools. As a young teenager I was sexually abused by 2 different individuals in different times and places. As an adult those experiences have all had their effect, and they have shaped my sense of ethics pretty strongly, and it is this strong sense of ethics that made Jens the administrator ask me to become a moderator here.
Without a doubt I have a bias, I have several in fact and I admit them happily. I have a bias towards the underdog in most situations, I have a bias against bullying, and although I have a strong dislike of fighting I'm prepared enough to stand my ground and to stand up for what I believe in.

I strongly believe CM is not only a place for male chastity and FLR, but a place that is and should be welcoming of any form of chastity. Yes, there will always be a good sized element of FLR, but that is and never will be IMO the only element. Sorry, I'm on my soapbox again....

We want posts that are energetic, as much as we want posts that are calm, but we don't want swearing.
It's pretty simple really.

 

Mistress Lucy did put up with some fairly vile abuse on occasions. She showed me a screen shot once of a PM some jerk had sent her (I think he got himself banned shortly afterwards). I'll put it this way: she had a strong case. It was far beyond abusive. Anyway, I'm proud that I supported her (and I still do actually), it's interesting that a 'mob' could feel so threatened by a 23 year-old woman with an unbreakable will. And I'm sorry to disappoint the skeptics, I'm not all alone looking for an illusory Domme to worship, I'm in a long-term relationship with a beautiful woman I love dearly. I work 6 days a week, often 7, long hours.
Someone here recently said I'd come out of retirement to say something or other he didn't agree with. Well, I'm definitely retirement age but no immediate plans to do so.

We practise tantric chastity techniques and take an interest in the associated philosophies. I don't wear a chastity device, never have. It's a state of mind, a form of devotional chastity. I'm pretty much in the minority here (probably a minority of one), I doubt if my thoughts on chastity are particularly threatening to anyone. I actually don't regard it as a fetish at all, it's definitely not used as punishment, it's not an endurance test or some kind of competition, the nail-biting drama of countdowns to the next Big O ceased to mean anything years ago - it's simply a lifestyle. It does heighten many of the senses (for me anyway) and inspires feelings of love, respect and devotion for women.

I thought it was a shame that some women were leaving the site. Whatever the justifications (self-serving or otherwise) the bottom line is they just aren't here any longer. The site is poorer for them not being here, whether everyone agrees with them or not. The 18 year-old woman who left recently was genuinely interested in learning about male chastity. She wasn't too young to learn. Learning about something doesn't mean you have to put it into immediate practise the following day. It's there in the brain bank for future reference. Someone told me that her boyfriend, presumably also young, wasn't going to be very interested in practising semen retention. Maybe not right away, but his girlfriend was sure interested in researching it. Anyway, I don't know what happened (except that it's nobody's fault as usual) but she's gone.

Ms. Amanda's eviction defies every form of human logic so I won't even go there (out of sheer frustration mostly).

I would love to see Mistress Lucy return. Maybe somebody could pass on a message to her that Frank '95% Crap' Teardrop wants her back a.s.a.p. Thanks.

Mostly I just love it here because everybody agrees with me.

 

Oh don't be like that @LadyS, he was hardly making it all about Lucy as well you know. His comments are mainly about his own form of chastity, and his comments about Lucy are fair enough to be honest. A little bit over the top, but not the 95% crap he suggests. Certainly not off topic considering one of your questions was how can we make Chastity Mansion better.

What he's talking about is that there has been a certain lack of acceptance of others here recently that could reasonably be described as bullying. Many long term members have noticed it and commented on it in one way or another.

Now I'm not saying that the forum has always been free from it, but whenever there is a form of group behaviour that makes individuals feel emboldened, then there is a chance for bullying to occur. Another form of bullying is when an individual hectors another repeatedly, and attempts to misrepresent what the other has said. And I've witnessed both forms here recently.

I'm not sure what can be done about it, but if I were to start pointing it out every time I see it you might be surprised how often it happens.

Not having any bullying behaviour would certainly help make Chastity Mansion a better place. I think though that to some extent it's a part of human nature. Although I was bullied as a kid I know that I took some pleasure in return by bullying others and I was surprised and confused if I'm honest to have it pointed out to me.

Still, I think this is a great conversation and a great thread to have started.

 

Ok - a few things. You are of course allowed to disagree, but to claim that Frankie was trying to turn the thread into All About Lucy is just a bit dishonest as he was doing nothing of the sort. He mentioned the Lucy incident as it is there to mention, but his main point as I said, was not about Lucy per se, as much as it was about bullying.

You do have a funny way of revising what someone has said and coming up with something completely different. It's becoming a habit.

I thought your questions were good ones, and they invite a wide ranging discussion. Lets have that discussion.

 

Sorry, I put names in because lets not beat about the bush. It was obvious who ThatGuy was talking about and he made a reasonable point that was worth discussing, so I discussed it openly. He also made points about me not being open, so I was trying to be as open as possible. If that means mentioning the name of someone who's left then what's the problem?

Discussions on a forum around OPs such as yours meander like a river. They tend to stay with one topic for a while and then move on. It's ok if there are 3 posts in a row discussing the same thing.

 

Leaving bullying aside for a minute, it can't hurt to try using language that is respectful to women. Maybe just give it a go and see what happens.

I actually come from a background that was loud, violent, misogynistic, disrespectful to women in every way imaginable - lots of swearing, it was the standard form of communication - and after a while it's just headache-inducing and, well ... boring!

Whilst I don't expect everyone to be James Joyce or Bill Shakespeare, there are other words that can be used that aren't demeaning to women and that can be used to express all the usual emotions: anger, frustration (gosh, there has to be more than that!) Oh yeah ... happiness!

 

And this could have been a good learning/mentoring thread that encouraged members for their input that could have made this place even better...

 

And just a reminder before I have to go to work that it was actually Thatguy who brought Mistress Lucy's name to the forefront. We thank him for his continued interest and fascination with the esteemed lady. We agree, she really is a Goddess.

 

Shall we get this thing back on track? Clearly we don't need to discuss Lucy at length, as there are plenty of other things that could be discussed or suggested.

It's one thing to sit back and say what others could do to make this place better, but far harder and far more worthwhile to think about what you can do yourself to make this place better. Like Michael Jackson said - 'Look at yourself and make that change'.

Any takers?

 

Actually I would expect out of CM, that there might be less threads where everyone feels threatened, offended, insulted, affronted, assaulted; attacked, humbled, demeaned, abased and irritated by different opinions than the own one!
Oh, and: yes, that includes continuous wrangling about Miss Lucy as well!

 

Michael Jackson is a decent singer

 

@SubVerity - I appreciate your evenhandedness when it comes to all this. I've clearly run afoul of a moderator or two, and that's okay. But I respect that when I speak what I feel is basic truth you see and recognize it. Beyond that, you're absolutely right that the correct approach to abrasive members, or ones you otherwise don't get on well with, is to ignore. I certainly try, but I have NEVER made any grand claims about my own skill at not "taking the bait". Ive said before, not taking the bait, or getting goaded into crud I don't want to be part of, is an ongoing life project of mine. Whether I should be better able to take the high road or not though, it doesn't change the fact that it would be pretty nice not to have to be having that internal argument here on CM - I don't see why we can't just sort of hang our, tell our stories, interact with the replies, and be cool about it.

I totally get why you personally don't post more, based on what you just said. We've only been at this a year and we post far fewer original threads than we used to. I don't think you or any moderator (usually) has shows a strong tendency to come down on one side or another. Like I said, I've clearly personally not got the love of Mistress B at this point, but personal relationship aside, I thin she and the other mods do fine. But theres a LOT of people on here, and I feel as though over the year or so I've been here I've watched quite a few guys and gals who live a more tempered chastity lifestyle fade into the background. And it's a bummer. So yes, while I try generally not to get sucked in, when I think yet another decent member who is VERY active in posting and contributing is getting pushed aside for what he himself implied was his failure to abide by the hard-core FLR/Femdom norms that certain members seem to expect, it just bothers me. You'll note I rarely defend myself. But when I see someone like him, or my very own @Thatgirl getting shi*t on sometimes I do find it hard to just "walk" away.

Either way, this is a great place, and that's why I keep coming back. These contentious interludes a relatively few and far between for me, this one only spurred by @Nicoftime and then @LadyS who's post got me thinking about the way the newest among us observe us when discussions include guys like myself, or @frankie teardrop who clearly aren't on the save wavelength in life, or on CM. Then the response that alluded to the member who got run off was the final push, I had to clarify reality (AS I SEE IT), and we're off to the races!

I have fun here often. We have fun here often. Please don't ever mistake my periodic rants against the small minority of folks who I feel treat members like me poorly as a reflection of my views toward CM as a whole or those of you who work to keep it moving.

 

i like Bono better.

 

What?! Go and wash your ears out young Lady!

 

100% Lady S

 

I totally agree with you that this is a place where I can open my heart and just talk about something that's so important to me. Sitting in the local coffee shop and talking about Chastity and FLR could be a little bit awkward.
It's amazing how much closer my wife and I are also. She wasn't really into the idea at first but she's growing into it more and more all the time. I enjoy your posts

 

Neither of them are in the same league as Elvis and Little Richard. One of my jukeboxes is full of their records, they make Jacko and Bono sound like they're singing underwater. I mention this fact not to be controversial, it's simply not in my nature, but to improve CM.

 

The way Topics turn always makes me giggle!

 

oh, and: Ian Gillan, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright!

 

What, as a comparison where one I've never heard of, one I think is carp, and the other is awesome?

It has been said that the best thing about Michael Jackson was Quincy Jones.

I think we're a bit off topic now..

 

To go public, like being a gay person coming out, then try showing off your chastity cuckold, slap his face hard in public and then offer your hand to be kissed, my, does that attract attention especially when he tells you I love you Master.