Love and Denial - Year 2

I started writing my Mansion journal on November 16, 2015. I had no idea what I was doing, no idea what chastity was and no idea where things would go or how this would develop. I called my journal Complicated Start because getting started in chastity hadn't been straightforward and I wasn't doing it because it was my fantasy.

https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/complicated-start.16347/

Then, in June 2016 I started my second journal called Love and Denial. By this time the use of chastity was having surprising affects on my marriage, bringing us closer together, strengthening the bond between my Wife Elle and me. Chastity hadn't started off as a fantasy but it was rapidly becoming evident that I had stumbled into a fantasy world of tease and denial, one that Elle was beginning to thoroughly enjoy.

https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/love-and-denial.18328/

Even in June I had no idea how far Elle would take me. I didn't realize at that point that I would only have one more orgasm in 2016 and that wouldn't be until August. Elle was really getting used to the idea of how much fun she could have with me. She loves how I respond to her attention, loves the fact that she can now make me dribble precum more than ever before and she gets wet with excitement each time she runs a hand down my back and destroys me.

I still have no idea how far this is going to go. Last night Elle told me that she doubts I will have an orgasm before my birthday which isn't until mid May. That would make this period of denial which, at almost four and a half months long, is already my longest ever, nine months long.

There is no doubt that chastity is changing both of us. I trust Elle implicitly. I am eager to see where this year takes us.

 

2016 in figures.

Elle had 72 orgasms to my 5. I had 7 ruined orgasms, 2 of which were sanctioned. The others were nocturnal emissions.

4 of my orgasms were in the first half of the year, one in the second half.

My longest period of denial in 2026 ran from August 21 to the end of the year, 4 months, 1 week and 3 days long. As of Jan 1 2017 this period of denial is continuing. Elle does not use target dates and generally speaking does not let me know what her thoughts about orgasm dates are. As I mentioned in my last post she did say she doubted I would have one before my birthday in mid May but she might change her mind.

 

Elle was too tired to do anything sexual tonight, after two very late nights over the new year period. But that didn't stop us being very close. We shared a shower, I read a chapter of our current book to her, massaged her feet while she Skyped our eldest son and I cooked a really nice dinner for her.

And I completely agree with you. What I would define as sex has utterly changed in the past year.

 

Like others have said in their own journals Elle and I are having a period of zero opportunities for any Us time. We have travelled together back to England but Elle is working a lot and we are driving between meetings for much of each day. This leaves her tired and, apart from a quick cuddle each night, nothing else has happened. It didn't help that I left our wash kit with all our play products on the ferry when we travelled over. Luckily it was handed in to lost property and I will pick it up again later today when we travel home.

Play products? Lubes, delay spray, my vaseline for when I put my device on, massage oil, nail varnish, face mask sachets. I assume some people would be humiliated about being made to go and get it back knowing full well the contents would have been looked at. I don't really get this humiliation aspect sometimes, this won't bother me one little bit. I'm just relieved it was found.

Only one event comes to mind when I think about the past week or so. Life has thrown us such a nasty curve ball that it has circled round and has smacked us on the back of the head. And it's a really heavy, obnoxious curve ball at that. Add that to the travel and lack of play time opportunity, plus I am unlocked yet again due to Holy Trainer issues, and you get a nice recipe for stress.

We were sat on the ferry, having a coffee. The night before I had got into an argument with our son. It was ridiculous, as arguments usually are. I tried to apologize to Elle and explain myself when she criticized me for getting involved. It turned out that I hadn't known all of the information. The problem was my brain decided to get upset at this criticism. Essentially I was being told off for not knowing something that i hadn't been told! How was I supposed to do anything about it if I didn't know?

Anyway, my voice went up an octave or two and several decibels as I complained about this. Elle immediately looked stern at me and just said one word. Attitude!

I shut up, immediately. I waited a few moments before apologizing.

Before we started recognizing the FLR aspect of our lives and using chastity there is no way that Elle would have ever spoken to me like that. It really stopped me in my tracks and mad me think about how I was talking to her.

 

Sorry @LadyS I have been unable to reply as I have been traveling extensively over the last few days. I am back home now and can relax a bit.

I am not sure how long you and your husband have been doing this or what your background is, so I don't want you to think I am some kind of wonder sub. I have made mistakes and upset Elle a fair amount over the past year. We had some definite down moments amongst the amazing ups, it certainly hasn't been an easy transition for either of us.

The thing is when I first read about FLRs I realized we had been living a form of this style of relationship since we had first been together. We have been married 26 years and together for 29 so this is an embedded part of our dynamic. At first Elle didn't agree but over time has come to agree and enjoy the FLR role she has taken on. As I have said before I am not expecting Elle to tell me every little thing I have to do or what I am allowed to do, we discuss pretty much everything but always from a perspective that she has the final say.

It hasn't been easy but this discipline side of things has been a definite side effect of my chastity and of how I have ceded control of my orgasms to Elle. For me to accept that control I have to, in my own head, treat her like she is in charge, give her the respect someone in charge deserves.

Once I had got over the period of getting used to chastity it was my own decision to start to work on the discipline side of things. I have had to ask Elle several times to discipline me, she really doesn't like it. She is however beginning to flex those leader muscles and is getting used to the idea. It has been my own response to her the times she has done this, such as with the 'attitude' incident, that has given her the confidence to move forward with it. The simple fact is it is making both of us happier.

There was another example a few days later. Elle was working on her computer and I got into a heated discussion with our eldest son. Elle looked at me and told me to take the argument elsewhere as it was distracting her. I started to answer back and had only got an 'I...' out when my head clicked and I realized she was right. I said sorry and just walked out of the room and shut the door.

Later on Elle told me she had noticed how I had responded and was really happy with me. In the past I would have argued and then would have probably sulked for a few days. Now I just get on with what I am told to do. More often than not I realize that she is right and even if I disagree she has the right to tell me what to do because of her position within the FLR.

As we have discussed elsewhere everyone is different. We have similarities in how we approach this chastity game but that doesn't mean our personalities are the same. Also not everyone is in an FLR who does this but it does work for us. It has brought us closer together and made us happier but that is because it suits us.

I wish I could be more help with your own situation. My advice is not to give up and take it slowly.

 

I am a very happy stubby hubby. Last night on the boat I gave Elle a full body massage and then she had her first orgasm of the year from the oral attention I gave to her bottom and pussy. I think I am going to blow my own trumpet here and say I am getting very good at licking her pussy. It's the noises that Elle makes while I am doing it that makes me think I can say that!

And then, tonight, she let me decide what we were going to do. I have pleased her with my attention over the festive period and then the trip back to England. I haven't pestered her or sulked due to the lack of playtime, I have supported her through some pretty horrendous meetings and generally been there when she needed me. Tonight was my reward.

I ran her a bath, read her a chapter of The Island, washed her and dried her off. I sprayed my penis liberally with delay spray, put on my penis rings and took her to her bed. I gave her back a quick massage, licked her bottom and pussy before asking for permission to make love with her. Elle had already agreed to this but she had the veto if she changed her mind. She didn't.

As a man is there anything better in the world than seeing the woman you love respond so magnificently to the things you are doing to her with your body, your hands and your penis? I really don't think so. Elle had her second orgasm of the year because of the things I was doing to her. I came close to ejaculating but was able to hold off by changing position or slowing down.

I mentioned this to Elle. She laughed and told me she had forgotten to tell me I was allowed to cum! She had been enjoying herself so much it had slipped her mind. I suppose I can't be too upset at that, it was effectively the things I was doing to her that meant she forgot to tell me. To be honest I don't mind at all, tonight was all about her. It wasn't kinky, it was actually as vanilla as you like but it was exactly what we both wanted.

I got the chance to take control for a while and Elle got treated to a session where she was the passenger rather than the driver.

 

I'm not a blasted stubby hubby! Bloody autocorrect! Arghhhh!

 

My Wife and I have reached a point in our lives where many couples struggle. Both of our children have left home and we have been left to look at each other across the dinner table. We are each others only company when we are at home. This is a point where many couples realise that they don't know each other, have little in common and, with no reason to stay together, drift apart. I have friends who this has happened to. One even came out on Facebook and admitted that she had absolutely hated her husband for the past 15 years of their marriage!

Chastity has saved Elle and me from this. We were talking last night and both of us feel closer to each other that we have in a long time. Given how difficult life has been for us since last summer (we have been dragged into a nasty set of court cases that are nothing to do with anything we have done but are costing us an absolute fortune and are a major cause of fear and anguish) this really shows how much of a miracle this is.

Think about it. Go back a year before chastity started and tell yourself that, because you are not allowed to have an orgasm whenever you feel like it, you are going to be in a much stronger marriage, feel much more loved than before, feel closer to your Wife. Does that make any sense at all?

As we finished our conversation, before I went to my bed, I said to Elle the good old 'be careful what you wish for' trope. I then just said that there was no going back. A look of something almost like fear flickered across Elle's face. "You don't want to go back, do you?" she asked me, very quietly. Of course not! I was shocked she would even ask. At my reply she gave me a big smile, a big hug, a big kiss and sent me off to bed.

 

"What are you doing?" Elle asked me, as I leant away from her and picked up my iPad. I had been taking the nail varnish off of her toes for her, one of my jobs that I really enjoy doing, that bring us closer together.

"Just looking at my Chastity Mansion ticker." I replied.
"How long has it been now?" She said.
"Four months, three weeks and six days."

Elle just smiled.

Later that evening I told her that I felt that using chastity on me had definitely changed her.
"How?" She asked.

"Well, for one, you are having a lot more fun with it now. Earlier on you enjoyed it but, since a bit before Christmas, you are really having fun. All the stuff you got up to with me on holiday in Austria for instance. As for when you tell me how wet I am making you, and grab my hand and press it to you, and then laugh at how this affects me, pre-chastity Elle would never have done that!"

Elle giggled, and we discussed this for a bit before she asked me how else I thought that she had changed.

"The main change is how you have mixed the fun with the serious, the 'real' side of chastity. You are exerting a control over me which is absolute now. Earlier on you were not happy with the idea of disciplining me. That has changed. For instance the 'attitude' moment on the ferry to England. You were sat in a public area and you didn't hesitate to tell me off, didn't try to lower your voice. there was no acting, it was real.

Elle agreed that she was feeling more confident with her assertiveness now. Each time she tried something that I liked, or disciplined me and I didn't complain, it gave her the confidence to move forward. She told me how funny it had been when we were shopping during our recent trip to England and, after I had questioned one of her choices, she had asked me who was in charge?

"The look on your face was soooo funny!" She giggled again. "It was like you was saying 'Not here!' And then you got an erection! hahaha!"

All this talk of control and chastity, and how long it had been since my last orgasm, had again given me an erection. I was still unlocked from my Holy Trainer while my penis recovered from the skin issue I had first had back in Austria, before Christmas. Elle looked down and noticed my engorged penis. Actually she probably noticed it when she pressed her leg up against me on purpose as she enjoyed the anguished moans of desire I gave as she pressed her knee into my testicles. Elle suddenly looked surprised, confused even.

"Why aren't you locked up?" she exclaimed?
"You haven't told me that I had to" I replied, quietly due to the fact that I knew I was in trouble.
"I thought you were still recovering from the skin problem. How long has that been gone?"

Knowing that I had better not lie I told her I had been fine for a few days. So now I am in trouble for having not said anything. Luckily at that moment our son Skyped, so I was able to go to the bathroom, wait for my engorged penis to go down and slide myself back into the holy Trainer.

Before I went to bed we discussed one more way in which Elle has changed. When we started I went two weeks without an orgasm, then four, then eight, then ten weeks a few times.

"Now I am getting close to five months and you show no signs of letting me have an orgasm." I said. "You seem to be enjoying me far too much to let that happen. I am certainly not holding my breath until you let me cum again."

Elle smiled at me. "No, you had better not!" she said.

 

I talked about this with Elle a few nights ago. She had had a shower and was lying on her bed, on her front. I climbed onto the bed and started kissing her back. It was extremely sensual but never developed into anything sexual. Elle thoroughly enjoyed it. Later on I asked her if it had been OK for me to do that as I hadn't asked permission. She told me that it was more than fine, that she loved how I show her affection, that she wants me to do things like kissing her back.

If I go anywhere near trying to develop the affection into something more sexual then I would have to ask permission, or wait for her to tell me to do it.

I told Elle that I had read about people who, like you mentioned, have to ask permission for pretty much anything they do, but Elle isn't interested in that at all. The main thing she has got out of all this is how intimate we have become. It has increased the belief she has in herself a lot, and she doesn't want to put rules in the way of making it happen. Elle is also very much against humiliation of any sort, it is one of her hard limits. She wants my obedience and she isn't scared about telling me off in public, such as the 'Attitude' moment recently. She doesn't go out of her way to humiliate me though.

Early on in our FLR relationship Elle was against doing things like getting me a slave collar, she doesn't want to sissify me as a way of humiliating me and so far hasn't used any verbal humiliation against me. Elle has actually stated that the only thing that would make her stop doing this chastity thing is if she thought it was becoming abusive. I make sure to let her know regularly that nothing she has done so far has pushed me too far.

I am glad that you have seen that I am in a true FLR. Others have too but it is always nice when I get this sort of confirmation from other people.

 

That is so good to read. I feel sorry for the guys who want this and are told they are freaks, or when the woman is horrified by the idea. I honestly wish they could talk to the women in our lives, or to guys like us, so they could get a better idea of what this is all about. Many of those men don't help themselves with the way they try to introduce this but even so they could still get a lot out of it.

 

It isn't all plain sailing, this chastity thing with the move to a more defined FLR. Real life gets in the way. Not that our relationship isn't real life, but the external influences on both of us take their toll and at times put hurdles in the way.

Since June last year one part of our lives has been pretty horrific. I have never in my life had anything to do with the police other than to report a stolen car radio, and never had anything to do with solicitors other than to get a will written. This has now all changed. Elle and I are being dragged into two separate but inextricably linked court cases and the levels of stress are unbelievable. Neither of us are guilty of anything, or charged with anything, but we are deeply affected both emotionally and financially. Both of us have admitted that what we are doing with our relationship has actually made the last seven months more bearable.

Two nights ago, after a stressful online meeting over Skype, Elle decided I needed a shower to cheer me up. Usually her touch is like a mixture of fire and ice running up and down my nerves. But this time, absolutely nothing. Her touch was nice, but the usual response, where I can barely stand after a few strokes of her hand down my back and between my buttocks was totally missing. I made an excuse and we finished the shower and I read another chapter of our current book to Elle. It shocked me though. I am getting very close to five months since my last orgasm, usually the slightest stimulation from Elle has me dribbling pre-cum like a teenager. I felt broken and scared.

Then yesterday Elle noticed that I was feeling down when she got home from work. As the caring, loving Wife that she is she went out of her way to cheer me up with light touches, caresses of my bottom and generally being nice. After we had done our exercises she decided another shower was needed, a bonus for starting up our fitness routine again after the festive period. She also told me she was going to cut my hair as it was getting messy.

The vibrations of the hair trimmer on my head and neck removed any worries I had about being broken. It felt incredible and I was soon moaning with pleasure, my encased penis attempting to get erect. And then, it all went wrong.

Elle asked me a question about the meeting I had in the morning. It was like someone hit a switch and turned off all of the feelings that had been building up in me. There was no pause, no slow calming down, the feelings were gone, instantly. I had phoned Elle up when I was driving home and explained what I was going to be doing next, answering the very question she asked before she even asked it. My response to her question was rude, spiteful and came out of me without thinking. She told me off for shouting at her and went very quiet.

I realised I had crossed a line and immediately apologised. But the mood of the evening, my hope that we might end up doing something to pleasure Elle, was gone. I had completely ruined any chance of anything happening. It wasn't until we were in bed a few hours later that Elle gave me a chance to explain what the problem was. She accepted my apology and agreed that my explanation was a reason for my outburst but not an excuse. There was no excuse for my response.

The difference from our relationship now and how it would have been before is with the speed with which we resolved the issue. I would have yelled at Elle much more than I did at her apparent lack of understanding, Elle wouldn't have said anything about me having a go at her, I would have then sulked for a few days while I worked out for myself that she didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, then a few days more would have passed before we managed to forgive each other. This time my first apology was immediate and her acceptance came a few hours later.

One other thing came out of our discussion about what my issues had been over the past few days. Elle had thought that one of my problems was I wasn't happy spending time in the house doing the chores, cooking dinner and so on. I told her nothing could have been further from the truth, I value this role I have been given, the past year, if it wasn't for the bloody court cases, would have been the happiest of my life. Elle thought that I felt the housework was beneath me, that I wanted to be out of the house doing other things. I told her that was not true at all, that I have done all of the jobs she has given me this week gladly. This seemed to put her mind at rest. My deep sadness ( I am not going to use the word depression as I understand that is linked more to brain chemistry imbalances than to just a vague feeling of sadness) has been caused by the court cases and made worse as she had to go back to work after the festive season, leaving me on my own all day.

So I am making a definite attempt to put those feelings behind me and try to cheer up. I have an amazing Wife and it is the weekend as soon as she gets home from work this afternoon.