The Wife Files.

It definitely needs exploring, but don't feel like you have to sprint along the path. Take a slow meandering walk and enjoy the scenery.

 

This is indeed one of the major hurdles of the "Chastity Lifestyle" I had the same problem when we first started out. It can really take the edge off things.
At first I had no actual interest in devices at all ( I still don't) but without something that works, is practical, comfortable and hygienic your interest in the whole thing can very easily become a pain and fizzle out.
If he is sore for example or wants it off because it's chaffing and then back on again and then he wants to try another and another one that might work better and can you unlock him and then lock him up and can he have a week off to recover etc etc.

Over the years of me mentoring and assisting couples and individuals I've learned to be able to swiftly identify and select a device that will suit the individual and works in respect of both comfort and hygiene.

So , painfully uninteresting thing but such a very essential basic. For that reason I have had to take an interest.
if this issue is starting to get to you then you can mail me here and I will see if I can help. xx

 

I struggle with this as well. Before I introduced chastity and femdom to @Mistress Amanté she was more of the submissive type.

She would tell me to fuck her harder, tell her she was a dirty slut, etc.. I had a hard time with it. One I couldn't fuck her harder or my back stroke would end up taking me out of her(not long enough) interrupting the moment to put myself back in. Two, I am not wired that way. Did it turn me on seeing and hearing her want to be fucked harder and begging to be called a slut...yeah, but I would feel self conscious about my ability and would even lose an erection worrying about it.

We did find some middle ground where she could feel taken like she wants, and I can still feel adequate to do it. "Johnson" our strapon dildo harness makes its appearance. It's much bigger than me, am able to pump with full thrusts without worrying about slipping out, or cumming to soon.

I can become the dominant alpha male, fucking her brains out, slapping her ass, and calling her my dirty slut. She still stays my dominant, im still caged,and still under her control. One time, she came really hard and moaned how my cage hitting her clit was going to make her cum.

I was told to please her in a certain way, so I still felt I was serving. So there is hope for other ways to switch without losing control. Hope this helps a lil.

 

He'll not get the chance to use power like that again, will he??

 

You have one?

 

A towel over the couch seat is handy.

 

I just want to say how thankful I am that this community exists with such awesome people willing to help each other in this journey.
It's weird though too. Because locked up dicks.

 

So weird, we talk casually with one another about locking our dicks, what kind, how often we orgasm...things I don't share with my closest friends.

It is nice being here!

 

I often think about this. I have spent a year sharing my most intimate experiences and thoughts, talked about things that I wouldn't share in any other way. I have asked myself, why? Why chastity? I wouldn't do this if I was 'just' having normal sex. Are there forums where people talk about normal sex? Obviously there is Fetlife which covers the wonderful gamut of kink, but I don't use that even though I have a profile.

For me I think that this need to share what we are doing boils down to a few significant points. First and foremost is the way chastity requires a man to rewire his sexual expectations. He is battling against his very chemical and genetic coding. His DNA is telling him that his role in life is to have sex, as often as possible. Modern social expectations limit how many children and how many partners he has, but at the center of everything is our lizard brain.

When I first joined I was warned by @Caged Wolf that this was going to be like a mad roller coaster ride, and he was right. Now it is me, oh so experienced and wise, helping other newcomers to understand that the best thing to do is calm down and take things slowly. And this is why CM is so wonderful. Many of us never get bored of the repetitive questions, the how do I tell my wife? or the night time erection problem, or the why the hell am I doing this?

Obviously the only understanding I have of the experience women go through getting used to male chastity is from having been through the past year with Elle, then there are the few women who share their thoughts and experiences, like @LQsLady. Just as every mans experience is going to be personal to him so I am sure that every woman is different too, but a few common themes do pop up.

First off is the sad number of guys who do the intro all wrong and basically get told no way, get away from me you freak. If a woman gets past that bit she then has to get over her own social programming. In many cases a woman sees her own sexual worth as being almost inextricably linked to the male orgasm. All of a sudden she is having to get used to the idea that this is no longer the case. That male orgasm is a gift she can give, if and when she desires it. It is not a right that the male can demand. Even though I was telling Elle that this is what I wanted she still felt guilty. For months! (She doesn't any more, not one little bit.)

I get upset with the hysterical fantasists in CM because I see what they do as diluting the worth of our collective efforts. Living this lifestyle is wonderful. It isn't easy, but it is the best thing I have ever done with my Wife. We are closer than ever and our sex is the best we have ever had. Our entire relationship has been strengthened and Elle is becoming far more confident of herself in so many wonderful ways.

People who make stuff up affect the expectations of some newcomers, or members of CM who wish that they were doing all these amazing things. Wow, this guy has had x, y or z done to him. My wife never does that! Well, man with unrealistic expectations, maybe she doesn't, but isn't what she does do great?

Just my thoughts, I am no expert. I still feel like I have a lot to learn and will carry on sharing as long as I think people are enjoying what I wrote and are interested in what I get up to.

 

Beautiful
Don't rush xx

 

This shows me that what you are doing is no longer a game, if it ever was. My Wife took my chastity seriously from the start but only in terms of helping me get something that I had asked for. I still remember when it went from something she did because I wanted it to something she did because she wanted it. The change might be small to say but was huge in its implications.

In my very humble opinion he should only deserve punishment if he was fully aware of your feelings regarding the sanctity and depth of your control of his orgasms. If he did know then yes, he should receive a punishment, and not something that panders to any punishment fetish he might have. If he was unaware of the depth of your commitment then that should be taken into consideration. The fact that you talked about your feelings is so very important.

While post orgasm play is described as torture I am not sure it could be used as a punishment as you are still giving him and his penis attention which, in this instance, he probably doesn't deserve.

 

Going to have to claim complete ignorance on this one. I thought I was being naughty for sure, but would never intentionally do something to cause my lady sadness like that.

I feel the same way, my love. I'm so excited for every moment with you and for what the future holds.

 

I often look down and think - I have a lump of plastic encasing my genitals. WTF!? What am I doing!?

But then Elle teases me, or tells me I am a good boy or, after several months, lets me have an orgasm. And then it all makes sense. Apparently Elle also has moments of incredulity as well. Just moments, most of the time we are 100% committed to continuing with this from now on.

 

It is kind of starting a hole new relationship. But with a person you know everything about so you have that comfort factor with the excitement of new.

 

I'd be interested in the list. Might be something I could do with me wife.