Complicated start

I am very much at the start of my Chastity Journey and how I got to this point is quite complicated. The shortened version goes like this.

Early in 2015 I became really interested in genital modification, in particular a meatotomy. The interest became an obsession and I gave myself a meatotomy in August. It certainly isn't for everyone, I used a scalpel on my glans which would terrify most men, but I loved the experience and wanted to take it much further. I knew I couldn't do that without my wife being part of the decision, so I showed her images of penises with meatotomy's, subincisions and split glans and asked for permission to carry out the mod to my own glans. Her response was that it was my dick and I could do what I wanted with it.

At no point with what follows do I blame my wife. She gave me an honest response at the time with the information she was given, and meant what she said.

I happily went ahead and carried out the mod myself. My wife did not see what I had done until I had very nearly divided my glans completely in two. Unfortunately she had not realised how negative her reaction to the mod was going to be. The problem is I absolutely love it and she cannot look at it, cannot go near it because it freaked her out so much.

We have been together for 28 years, married for 25. She is my best friend and I would do anything to protect her from getting upset or hurt. So when I caused the pain she was in I am honest enough to realise I had a bit of a break down as well. It didn't help that We were moving to a foreign country at the same time, so stress levels were already elevated.

During the period I was carrying out the mod I started a Tumblr blog that became quite popular. I posted videos and images of what I was doing and collected all sorts of images as well including those of men in FLRs, D/s relationships and of course chastity devices. The problem started when my wife saw one of the videos and was really shocked. When I realised how upset my wife was I spent a night really worried about what to do, how to fix the mess I had made. When I woke up the answer had come to me, Male Chastity.

It suited our lifestyle, she was always the most dominant in the relationship, the one with the career, the decision maker. I like this and I work well as her partner, we work well together as a team. Submitting to her control turned me on and made sense, I would make reparation for what I did by literally handing the key to my sexuality to her. I would then be able to concentrate on her and her needs rather than continuing to be self obsessed like I had become whilst I was doing the mod. It would also mean that I would be unable to continue modding my glans.

I was ecstatic when she agreed and I ordered my first device from Bondara.co.uk, a chromed metal device I liked the look of. When she locked me into the device that first time I knew 100% I had made the right decision, the click of the lock and the fact she held the keys was good.

There is a lot more going on underneath this skimmed version of the events. We have survived though and I am really happy with how things are going. She is trying to get used to the mod, my glans will never 100% go back to the way it was though the healing has been considerable. We are nearly six weeks into this so we obviously have a very long way to go.

 

Device issues

Deciding to start being Chaste was just the start. I had no idea how to buy a device or what was suitable. I read some advice and ordered one that I thought was suitable, a chrome chastity device from Bondara - http://www.bondara.co.uk/chrome-chastity-device

It was great getting locked up, especially when my wife did it and took the key. It was also way too big, my poor little penis was nowhere near big enough to fill the cage. It also taught me about hinges on the rings, it pinched so badly. I also found that I could only wear the 50mm ring even though that was too big, the 45mm ring was too tight. In the end I actually fell out of the device whilst walking up some stairs. Not nice.

I ordered a cheap version of a cb6000s. This taught me that I did indeed need a much smaller cage, but it also taught me that I have issues with my scrotum in the mornings. For some reason my balls are nice and loose most of the time but in the mornings they really tighten up. Every time this happened the device was way too tight and the edges of the ring cut into my skin. After three days it left me with some nasty open sores.

Undeterred I used my knowledge to order the Attica Chastity device from Uberkinky, choosing the small version. http://www.uberkinky.co.uk/attica-chastity-cage-82646.html At first it fit like a dream but after a few days the problems started again., again with the ring and again my tight morning balls caused it to cut into my skin and left me in pain and with some nasty creases. Luckily no broken skin though. I am going to keep the Attica as an evening wear device because I do like it. If my balls are loose the 45mm ring fits really well. The problem is it is another hinged ring, so it will eventually be replaced.

My final chance was the Holy trainer I ordered last week. I looked at BonM and Birdlocked as well, but that issue with my balls means I thought the ball separator bar would not work for me. My wife let me choose which device I ordered but she chose the colour. The black opaque device, as it meant she did not have to see my glans. It arrived last Thursday morning and I immediately put it on.

My confidence had been knocked pretty badly by all the failures, so I was unwilling to say that the HT was the one, even though it was much more comfortable right from the start. Only today, four days later, when I have removed it for a wash and put it back on can I say that I have at least found a device I can use for now. I still want to find a metal device that fits comfortably, I much prefer the looks and weight if the two I have had, but the HT will do for now. I also need a device that will be suitable for going to the Gym and running, which the HT is much better at than a heavy, clunky metal device.

My only issue with the HT now is the smell. It was pretty bad when I took it off, I am glad I did not wait until tomorrow when my wife gets back from a business trip. I read on another forum post how the issue of taking the HT off every few days put some people off and I can totally agree, I am going to have to find a way to neutralise the smell of the device and clean myself thoroughly every few days. No way can I leave it on any longer, which is something I want. One of my personal goals is to stay locked up with no relief for at least a month, this will not happen in the HT.

The good thing is my wife did not want to start taking the Male Chastity exploration any further until I found a device that worked for both of us. That has now happened, so I am looking forward to finding out what she wants to do next.

 

Thanks for the tip. I did try something similar but didn't use soap. It seems so obvious now!

 

Our FLR 'flavour'.

Although we are both new to the idea of a FLR and Male Chastity, and my wife has yet to set out all of her conditions and rules, she has said several things she doesn't want. This was my idea but she has taken to it well and I think that now I have found a device that fits things will start to develop. Like the tag line of the Mansion says, be careful what you wish for!

She is not interested in a 24/7 S/d relationship. We are looking at bringing elements of BDSM into our sex life but again we are beginners, so this is something that will develop over time. She is not wanting to sissyfy me, she wants me to be a loving attentive hard working man. She is not interested in abusive language, her style is one of positive reinforcement, not negative.

I have told her that I am pretty comfortable with any direction she wants to take this. Of course I have limits, we all do, but my natural inclination is submissive, I need her to take control. Whatever she decides I will abide by, it has to be that way, it is what turns her on and gives her pleasure that is important to me. It always was, since the start of our relationship.

It looks like we will have a FLR where she decides when and how I get to have an orgasm and I get to use my initiative to find ways of pleasing her both in and out of the sex side of the relationship. She does give me jobs to do but she is not wanting to have to tell me every little thing that she wants. She is not wanting me to fawn over her every minute we are together, that would drive her mad. I am however expected to be more respectful and thoughtful and it is interesting how being in the chastity device focuses my thoughts on her and what she wants more often.

One interesting element to all of this is she actually wants me to be more dominant in the bedroom sometimes. She is the dominant person in our relationship when it comes to all of our life decisions, she sometimes wants a break. There are going to be times when she will surrender herself to me where I will be expected to take over, the only proviso being I don't get to cum. This thought really excites me. Again we haven't worked out how this will develop, it just means the next few months are going to be very interesting.

 

Rules

So far we have two rules that my wife has set out.

1. Only she gets to instigate conversations about the FLR, femdom, BDSM and Male Chastity exploration. The only exceptions are on a Saturday where as long as the conditions are suitable I can ask to start a discussion. If I am having issues with my device I am allowed to let her know, in fact she will be cross if I don't.

2. It is a Penis, so call it a penis. I'm not allowed to refer to male genitals as dicks, cocks or any other name. She hasn't decided whether balls are ok, as I did point out that Scrotum and Testicles sounded medical. She is making her mind up about this.

The first rule was set up as I was overwhelming her with information, thoughts and ideas. She was getting fed up so decided enough was enough. I am very happy with the rule as it is clear and easy to follow.

The second rule was set up because she said so. She doesn't need to say why.

 

Thanks Roses. My wife put the brakes on my natural desire to jump in feet first all guns blazing. The first of her conditions has just been met in that I have found a device that fits comfortably and isn't going to damage me in any way. This weekend we will discuss what we think should be the next steps. My motivation is I want her to be able to let me know what turns her on, something she has been hopeless at in the past (and that is said with love, not scorn.)

The best thing is this has started a conversation between us about our relationship and what we want out of it.

It is lovely to hear you say that you are crazy about your man. That means he is lucky as you are willing to work at this and make it your own. I will also let my wife know what you said about sometimes being dominated, she will be interested to know she is not the only one. I am looking forward to introducing her to the Mansion, like you I think this is going to be a very good place to learn.

 

Last night my wife came home from her business trip back to England. I drove to the train station to pick her up, it was really nice seeing her and I happily took her suitcase. For years now I have been joking that I would give up my job to become her Chauffeur (she could easily afford for me to do that!). Well, she thinks I was joking, to be honest I wasn't! Before I discovered anything about Male Chastity I really liked the idea of putting a suit and tie on and driving her to her meetings.

She was exhausted and hungry. I had cooked dinner earlier in the day and heated some up for her (They were Jamie Oliver's Mountain Meatballs - http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/mountain-meatballs/#7FlQtcTwFxjjOVDB.97 - absolutely gorgeous, I cannot recommend them enough! Well, to anyone not a vegetarian that is...) After she had eaten and had a shower she got into bed and we briefly talked about how my Holy Trainer had fitted. It had arrived the day before she left for England so we had not had a chance to test it before. She had left me with a key just in case anything had happened and I needed release. Given all of the issues I have had this was prudent.

I told her how well it had fitted, that I had had virtually no issues with it at all. I also told her that I would still like to get a custom made metal device as I now realise I prefer the weight they have to the HT. It is so light it is virtually not there, and like others the prospect of taking it off every two days to clean is not exactly what I want. I really want to be locked up for a long time, months hopefully, to really go through a period of denial, and somehow even if we do nothing while it is off it just doesn't feel right. I am interested in the Steelworxx range and I am going to ask her if we can go to Leipzig for a personal fitting.

She was pleased the HT had fit as she was going to call a stop to this experiment if it hadn't. Four off the shelf devices in 6 weeks had pretty much emptied my cash reserve and she had begun to wonder whether it was worth it. I handed her the spare key so now she has both, and I am truly locked up. She was really tired though so we kept our chat short, and after a quick hug I left the room and turned off the light.

 

I am an idiot

Yesterday I received a comment from @Caged Wolf to document the bad as well as the good times. Last night was definitely one of the bad.

Having read other peoples stories about how they integrated the FLR and chastity lifestyles into their everyday existence I have come to expect highs and lows, but expecting them does not make it any easier to experience them or get through them. I know that the issue last night was my own fault, there is no if or but about it. My wife apologised to me this morning about what happened and I told her that she had nothing to apologise for.

Do women who lead a FLR apologise? Are they even expected to, even if they do make a mistake? I don't know, and that is irrelevant here anyway.

As in many cases some good has come out of the bad though, but first, the bad, and why it was my fault.

I have researched some of the ideas and rules behind being a chaste male in an FLR. They appeal to me on so many levels, and one of the strongest is that she has orgasms, I don't, unless she says I can. This appeals to me as I was guilty as many men are of being primarily interested in my own orgasm, not hers, and also they had become almost boring, routine, too easy. I wanted to turn that around and make her the focus, and to make orgasms when I had them special, amazing again.

We have discussed ways this can happen, I am good at oral sex, with a virtually perfect 100% record over our 28 year relationship. I am getting better at it as well, I absolutely love going down on her and get a massive thrill when she has an orgasm. But she likes penetrative sex as well, so I wanted to find a way that allowed this to happen without me having an orgasm. On Tumblr I saw men wearing strap on dildos to achieve this and I thought that was a great idea, but she wasn't so keen. When I saw slide on penis extensions I thought that was a possible way forward, and she agreed, they did look more acceptable. She does not use dildos and doesn't get much pleasure out of the vibrators we have tried, so it isn't surprising she wouldn't be interested in me using one.

I ordered a Perfect Fit Fat boy Thin Penis Extender from Uberkinky http://www.uberkinky.co.uk/perfect-fit-fat-boy-thin-extender-92990.html that arrived yesterday. We have just moved to Germany so I had it delivered to her workplace, and she came home with it with a huge smile on her face. We even went to bed early so we could use it, she let me out of my Holy Trainer and we had a shower and got onto the bed.

The extender was not what I was expecting at all. I had thought it would be a bit like a dildo I slid over my penis, but in fact it was just like a very large squidgy condom. I had read they could be used by men suffering from ED but this would be no use at all, it was the very epitome of what ED looks like! Anyway, I used some lube, slid it on and started getting her ready. I was very aware I couldn't just jump on top, shove it in and go for it.

When I did insert the extender it was perfect for my needs. I could sort of feel what I was doing through the messages it gave to my balls each time I pulled out, there was enough stimulation to keep me hard but not anything like enough feedback to make me cum. The problem was it was too much too soon for my wife. She needed to be more stimulated herself, more ready to accept something considerably larger than my own penis. It was the smallest extender Uberkinky sold and I bought it for that very reason, but it was still too much.

She then told me to take it off and make love conventionally. Are you sure, I asked, and she said yes.

We have a German double bed. This is important because it is made up of two wide single mattresses in a double frame. The problem is there is a lovely gap that is exactly where my left knee normally ends up, as I am forever having to adjust my position it puts me off. I tried to move her but without saying why we ended up back in the same place and I kept sliding into the gap. That is the first thing that put me off. Secondly the extender had expanded her vagina so my poor penis wasn't being stimulated the way it would normally. She was also very full of lube, adding to the issue. Finally the trump card. My brain.

In my head I was still not allowed to cum. I had not been given explicit permission to do so, so I did not feel entitled. I was also not going to ask as I have read over and over again that this is not allowed. The problem, the idiotic problem, the most ridiculous part of all of this is I know that, but she doesn't. I was too damn good at telling myself to not cum, and in the end everything added up to me going limp and the lovemaking coming to an abrupt halt.

I tried to make light of it and go down on her, but she refused and clammed up. I cuddled her for a bit but after a while she got up and went to the bathroom looking really upset. I knew what I had done, knew why she was upset, so I went to my room and went to bed. (We sleep in separate rooms, have done for years. She is a light sleeper and I sometimes snore, also she goes to bed early and I am a bit of a night owl.

Part two of how much of an idiot I am to follow.

 

I am an Idiot part 2

Since starting this journey I have said over and over again that the primary reason for this lifestyle change is to make it about what turns her on, rather than what turns me on. I have implored her to research this the same way I have, to find out what it is that turns her on as she has never been good at thinking about this or vocalising it. I am finding things out constantly that I want to do. I look at Tumblr, at the things real people get up to, avoiding Hollywood sex and toxic porn being fully aware that it is of no use to us at all.

Then I go ahead and do things that turn me on anyway. It isn't exactly topping from the bottom, as she hasn't in any way got to the same place as me in this journey, but it is because I am manipulating her to do things that I want. I desperately want this to stop, desperately want her to just tell me what it is she needs. Even if that is just for me to go back to pleasing myself in my own way and us having the same sex we have always had, then fine, I will do that. But we had discussed how we wanted to move our sex life on, discover new things and try to add some spark in our sex.

We filled in a BDSM check-list recently and have all sorts of things we would like to try, some quite extreme. My problem is each time I try something new that turns me on it invariably goes wrong, like last night. I also know that everything she said would turn her on would also get me going, but I just do not know how to encourage her to take the step of actually doing that stuff and seeing if she likes it.

I read other peoples stories and the key moment for me is when the Mistress tells the sub male to shut up, they are going to do what she wants, that what he wants is irrelevant. If he keeps asking, pushing or manipulating he will be punished. I dream of my wife getting to this point, of taking full control. She has agreed to be my keyholder and I have tried to help her understand what that really means. So I am being forced to top from the bottom as I don't know what else to do.

None of this her fault. I am fully blaming myself for the situation and hope I have not done more damage to the route I want to take than can be fixed. As I said I want it to get to the point that what I want is not important and I even stop wanting, that serving and being controlled is enough. It isn't because I want an easy life, she has already told me that she wants me to use my initiative and get on with tasks and so on without having to be told every little detail.

Far too many uses of the word 'wants' in that paragraph but I cannot think straight enough to reword it.

She is at work now. I do not know when she will let me talk to her about last night or explain what happened. I know one of her rules is that I can start a conversation on a Saturday, so if she does not start one before then that is when it will happen.

 

@Caged Wolf I am actually using what I have read of your own story to help me realise how much I was pushing. When I got to page 7 I think and realised that covered a year of your life it really made me take stock of what I am doing and the speed I am trying to do it in. I have written down my thoughts for her and part of that is a description of why I want it, but also a promise that I will back off and allow her space and time to breathe and develop this in her own way.

 

I am lucky in that my wife was supportive from the beginning. She has said she isn't really sure about what to do, but she does understand my reasons, and she does like me in the chastity device. She definitely likes the orgasms and the release from any obligation to reciprocate. I have told her tonight that from now I stop pushing and we go at her pace.

 

@salonslave we talked tonight about what happened and we have agreed that I will do exactly as you suggest. If she wants me to plow her, as you put it then I will do that. I will also ask if I have her permission to cum, preferably before we start. When my head goes into 'not allowed to cum' mode I am too good at it and end up losing the ability to make either of us have an orgasm.

I must admit I am interested in the spray and delay condoms that @Caged Wolf has mentioned, but I don't know anything about them or where to get them.

 

So, my wife was upset last night because she thought every time we try something new it goes wrong, and it is her fault.

Guess what. I got upset for exactly the same thing!

I read to her the thoughts I wrote up this morning and really cheered her up. I have promised that from now we will go at her pace, not mine, and I will not try to rush her. I also went into a lot more detail about why the chastity cage is important to me, and that really got her all emotional.

The chance to slow down and let this develop at her pace is a very positive development.

 

I am so happy we had that conversation last night. Or at least my Wife gave me permission to say my bit, listened to what I had to say and was happy with my thoughts. She confirmed she does want to continue with the Chastity exploration and looking at a form of an FLR that would suit her.

I first became interested in Male Chastity as an option in late September and my first attempt at wearing a device was at the start of October this year. Things did not go well at all at first, my Wife agreed to be my keyholder which was great, but I had nothing but setback after setback with the first three devices I bought. Finally, luckily, I managed to get a Holy Trainer that fit and was comfortable on the 12th of November. While all of this was going on all sorts of turmoil was going on in the background that meant my Wife was not in any sort of way able to join in with the research or development of this new dynamic, She was also of the opinion that we would need to wait and see whether the devices I was wearing fit before moving onto the next stage.

This actually raises a point I am massively grateful for. Since discovering the Chastity Mansion, where the obvious focus is on Chastity and some kind of Dominant and Submissive mix in a relationship, I have come to realise that the Chastity Device, while important to many, is not 100% necessary. I have read how some people have managed to commit themselves to a partner and do not break the trust that is put in them to not break any rules, even when they are not caged. I think that now I have one that fits I will stay in it for as long as I can, but I also know that if my Wife commands me not to masturbate then I would be able to follow that instruction, with or without a device. I think it stems from the place my head has got to over the past seven or eight weeks. Even with all of the problems I have committed myself to not cum without her permission, and I have only broken that promise once. That happened before she was fully engaged in this and we were having some major issues, but even so, I felt guilty afterwards and in a way that feeling has heled my resolve since.

Here is a weird thing too. I don't miss it. I wasn't caged the night before last after she got upset, and I had no desire to masturbate at all. I didn't put the cage back on until after Lunch, but even then, I still remained faithful to my promise.

I was wearing my Attica Steel device for two days before the Holy Trainer arrived, and only released myself to swap devices. I then wore the Holy Trainer for exactly four days, to the hour, before removing it to wash. That was also on the advice of people here at the Mansion and pewee, they were right! I have bought some antibacterial spray to hopefully get rid of the smell and help clean the trainer, and now I will remove it every other day at least and any time I run or go to the Gym. Sweaty penis is not a good look! It also makes me much more determined to get a metal device that is comfortable in the future.

I put the device back on and then wore it for another two days before we took it off and had the disaster with the Perfect Fit Fat Boy Slim penis extender (which I have given a 1* rating on Uberkinky!) The device stayed off that night but I put it back on as I said Yesterday, and I am still wearing it now.

The last time I had an orgasm was on November the 1st. 20 days ago. I am not 100% sure but I think that is the longest I have gone since I was a very shocked lad who discovered nice feelings and stuff coming out of my willy that wasn't pee! Even when I was circumcised the year before last I only went a few weeks before gently masturbating. And again, the weird thing is I do not miss it.

I am still getting my head around that.

 

@Shaggy Slowing down and listening is my main focus now. The body mod process is on hold if not completely cancelled, I listened to my Wife's wishes that time and I am trying to now. I do tend to rush headlong into things. Another good thing about the device is it compels me to do what she wants much more happily, and now she has agreed that we should slow down that is exactly what we will do. I have a few things I want to show her this weekend but they are essentially variations on things we have done in the past, only with a Tease and Denial flavour!

 

@Caged Wolf Thanks - I found the Stud Delay Spray on the site I buy my supplies from and they have delay condoms as well, though not the Trojan brand. I am going to show my wife them this weekend and see what she thinks. The good thing about this method is she does not have to see my modified glans either, the negative is she has always preferred having sex without condoms, so she might not do the double and expect me to control myself.