Love and denial

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Jun 12, 2016.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I agree! All this talk about controlling erections through various means doesn't make much sense to me. My device doesn't stop my erection, it just changes where it happens. Instead of my penis getting hard it is the root, the part of the shaft that goes between my buttocks, that gets hard. You can see the top of my penis in my device, all happy and limp. My Wife knows that caressing my root and bottom gets a much more definite reaction from me than she could ever get stimulating my penis.

    And when the woman in your life finally, truly understands her power over you, wow, that is when the fun really starts!
     
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  2. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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  3. nvrsaynvr63
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    nvrsaynvr63 Long term member

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    quote: "This morning she told me I had looked like a confused schoolboy, not sure of what was going on, absolutely dumbstruck"

    It's so funny to read this today. Last night for the first time we used face time, we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks due to unforeseen circumstances. She was masturbating and got herself off to 3 orgasms, talking and teasing me while I just swelled in my cage and wished I was there. She kept having me pan down so she could see how hard I was and how much I was dripping. Anyway, this morning she said I looked like a schoolboy seeing a playboy or something for the first time while she was doing it. I kinda felt like one, it was extremely hot to watch and totally frustrating knowing I couldn't get myself off.

    She is really understanding and working this chastity thing to her advantage and loving it. I am really happy for her as well as myself, she deserves it.
     
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  4. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    whatsa playboy please.
     
  5. nvrsaynvr63
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    nvrsaynvr63 Long term member

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    Playboy is an "adult" magazine, the only thing us young boys in the 60's and 70's could get our hands on that showed naked women. We had to work for our porn back then, kids these days have it easy...lol
     
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  6. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    We have to accept it, we guys can not control our sexuality. We are prays of our own sexual programming. We see a pussy, we get an erection, our brain switches off and all we can think about is "pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum" Our brain repeats the thought loop until we manage to cum somehow. Then we wrongly believe we are freed form it because we finally can think again about things different than "pussy, fuck, cum" and then, just a couple of days later, there we find ourselves again trapped in the same loop. It doesn't matter if we are a teenager looking at a Playboy Magazine or if we are an 80 year old man. It's the same program, the same loop FOR LIFE. It's a life sentence!! Here we are, hoping that chastity frees us a bit from that loop, doing our best to trick the system.
    My wife had to laugh out loud this morning after I told her that I had a wet dream. Yes.... like a cute and horny school boy (more details here)
     
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  7. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    thank you for telling me. :)
     
  8. allaboutHer
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    allaboutHer Long term member

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    "We see a pussy, we get an erection, our brain switches off and all we can think about is "pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum, pussy, fuck, cum" Our brain repeats the thought loop until we manage to cum somehow. Then we wrongly believe we are freed form it because we finally can think again about things different than "pussy, fuck, cum" and then, just a couple of days later, there we find ourselves again trapped in the same loop."

    OMG!!!!!!
    HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    So funny, so true!!!!!

    allaboutHer
     
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  9. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    I would have thought that chastity control would have prevented that.
     
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  10. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    So passionately put @KatyTwilight , and so right. My Wife uses this very fact to tease me mercilessly. I wouldn't say that chastity manages to help us beat the system but it does use it to make it fun. It's at the core of why it is so damn sexy being told that no, we aren't allowed to cum, by the way have you noticed my warm, smooth, wet pussy and oh, oh, that's another orgasm I'm having while you can't!

    Gnnnnnnn...
     
  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I'm on holiday! I am sat on my balcony of my apartment, watching the sun rise, seeing the Aegean Sea slowly appear on the horizon. Interestingly this fact has made me think that it could be an opportunity to review with my Wife where we have got to and our thoughts on where we are going. Obviously that will only happen if she agrees to it.

    Personally I am really happy. I obviously have a long way to go but to be honest even if we decide to stay doing things the way we are currently that would be enough. I hope it develops further but this way of living is great. It really does depend now on what my Wife wants, what gives her the most fun.

    I travelled unlocked. I don't think anyone in our group noticed that I was bringing up the rear. This was because I was being stimulated with every step I took, having to really concentrate on what I was doing. Sitting down was mostly ok but getting to the airport was an experience.

    When I first started wearing a device I used to be woken up with an attempted erection. Now I sleep through, mostly, and don't notice it. This morning I was woken up with an actual erection and it felt really odd. I couldn't get back to sleep and, unlike when I'm in my device, trying to have a pee wasn't going to work. That is why I'm on the balcony watching the day start.

    One thing I did notice about my erection was it pretty much only involved my penis. Say what, I hear you Say!? Isn't that how it usually works? Well, when I'm wearing my device my erection involves the part of my penis outside the device, the root and area that travels through my abdomen to the area between my buttocks. This makes the area very sensitive and is what my Wife uses to stimulate me. My penis is usually nice and limp in the Holy Trainer. I know that in metal devices it does swell somewhat against the bars of its prison, but the HTv2 is designed to stop this happening. This morning the root of my penis had not become 'erect' at all, all the available blood was being used elsewhere.

    When is it time for breakfast? I'm hungry.
     
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  12. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @Mistress B You're right. I think that's on the many goals of chastity. We guys have to learn to be intimate without being horny and thinking about pussy all the time.
    I'm sure that with time that rewiring/reprogramming happens. I think it's just a matter of training and practice. My sexuality is already shifting from "pussy, fuck, cum" to "pussy, lick you, you enjoy, I stay horny" and also to "I'm horny, I don't want to cum, I crave for dildo".
    But I think that the basic instinct of feeling hypnotized with whatever has to do with pussy, just remains there. My wife and I are just getting started now. A couple of weeks ago we discussed many of my fetishes, fantasies and wishes. She was surprised how many of them involve activities around her pussy. I'm sure she wants to change that. SHE wants to be in the center of attention, not her pussy. It's obvious that's the way things are developing between us now. And that's how it should be also. I feel stupid each time I realize my focus goes to her pussy only. I'm glad my wife is really taking over control now. And I'm afraid I will get less pussy than I want. But I know it will be better for us both.

    @Jasmic68 I'm sure this vacation is a great opportunity to take some distance from your very intense development lately and probably return home with fresh ideas and renewed energy to continue with your development. I'm really happy that it's working so great for you both. And I really want to thank you for sharing your experience in so much detail. I already said this a couple of times, but after my lately developments I must think about you all the time and I'm so thankful I can hardly express it words. After reading all your thread I know exactly what is happening to us and it helps me enormously not to give up.
    What a great experience to feel your cock free after being in chastity for such a long time. It's surely a very interesting experience. I can't wait to have a device too and be freed form those erections all the time.
    Enjoy your vacation!! Hugs and kisses for you and your lovely wife!!
     
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  13. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Thank you for your kind words Katy. It makes me happy that my ramblings can be of help, especially to someone like you. Now my Wife is a member she gets to see nice comments like that too, and that is having a good affect on her as well.

    As for having a holiday from wearing the HT, it is 'nice' but my penis keeps rubbing on my trousers! Also my Wife has noticed I'm being particularly cheeky, so I do expect some retribution in my near future!

    The heat where we are means that wearing a Holy Trainer would not be an enjoyable experience. I'm thoroughly enjoying being on holiday (I'm having a full body massage tomorrow!) and the resort we are at is prett special looking. I am however looking forward to getting back to Germany and my doggie, and my normal routine.

    I haven't had a chance to pleasure my Wife since we arrived in the resort, but as you say we have to try to make our Wives the center of attention and not get fixated on their pussy. It isn't easy though, I'm certainly not there yet.

    I'm off to the pool! Tschüss!
     
  14. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    No doubt it's impossible to remove all thoughts of female attraction but chastity will eventually help with curbing the more aggressive male thoughts and enable them to concentrate more on pleasing the female as a whole entity and not just the parts that attract their dark mental recesses.
     
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  15. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    We are what we are @Mistress B, and that is a bag of raging hormones fighting a lifetime of social programming and a genetic history stretching back millions of years. We are however trying to be fully aware of the inherent weaknesses that this has left us with and to be the master of those hormones rather than the slave. Or at least allow our Mistress to be in charge of them and to use them against us.

    My Wife voiced this in terms of wanting a more holistic relationship with me, where instead of everything revolving around sex a lot of what we do has no sex as an endgame. I read to her while she has a bath, give her a face mask, do her nails, something nice, with absolutely no expectation of any sexual outcome at the end.

    And who would have thought it, but it only worked! She, my marvelous Wife, is happier, more relaxed, more in control, more sexy, more my Mistress than ever. She expresses her love for me more often and in more ways. I couldn't ask for any more.
     
  16. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    This holiday has been lovely but as I expected there has been almost no chance of any playtime. We have shared a shower but as that was stood in a bath Elle couldn't really do very much. One significant thing has happened though which we talked about in bed last night.

    We are in a group that has rented two apartments that are on a hillside, overlooking a view of the Aegean that takes my breath away. One of the other women with us had come over to our apartment to have a coffee with us and a rest from her own young children. Without going into details she is having issues in her own relationship so this was also a chance of a break from that.

    I didn't hear the whole conversation they had as I was our the bedroom, tidying up and getting ready to go to the pool. What I did hear made me stop in my tracks. Very clearly my Wife said "No, keeping house is his job." They carried on talking about what my jobs included, keeping the house tidy, making sure that shopping was done and our dinners prepared. My Wife sounded pleased with the arrangement and not worried about sharing this information.

    When we first started using chastity one of the things she said was she wouldn't tell anyone what we were doing. This to her is private, to share it would be to diminish it. Later in the evening, when we had gone to bed, I asked her when she was saying this was she thinking about Our Arrangement. Yes, she said, subconsciously she was. Our Arrangement and our arrangement, the one that includes my chastity and her position as my Mistress and the one where she goes to work and I stay home and make her life easier and simpler are close to each other, so yes, she was thinking about Our Arrangement when she said what my job was.

    I told her that to me they are inextricably linked, that everything I do is done so through the lens of Our Arrangement. I am always thinking about her in terms of how can I make me a better husband and give her a better life and do so without the expectation of a sexual favour in return.

    And in return I get her, my lovely, wonderful, sexy, friendly Wife. What more could a man ask for? I think that keeping house is a very small price to pay.
     
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  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I have been trying to get my Wife to join the Mansion for months, and now she has you might think it would influence the way I write, how detailed I am and how honest I am. I don't intend to let her membership do anything of the sort. I am going to continue to write my thoughts and experiences with the same approach as I always have. Unless of course she, as my Mistress, tells me otherwise.

    Right now, while we are on holiday, she is far too busy to spend much time here though I have seen her have a read now and again in her iPad. My Wife's idea of a relaxing holiday is to pack in as many activities, sightseeing trips and visits as possible. We are also here as part of a group so that involves busy evenings eating and talking with the other people on holiday with us. When we get back home I expect her to only really become involved at weekends due to her career and her entire attitude towards discussing my chastity or other sexual issues.

    If anyone has issues with how her being a member affects my own writing then that is unfortunate but the reality is she is my Wife, my Mistress and the one in charge of what I see as a developing FLR. I hope that members such as @Thatgirl, @keephimcaged and @Pinkie, along with my Wife, can encourage other female (or indeed male) Keyholders to join and not feel intimidated by some of the less grounded and secure members of this wonderful forum. I certainly hope that those other lovely ladies help my Wife the way that she is ready for.

    Thank you for joining Mistress Elle, called @Our Arrangement due to the way you describe our new, wonderful, crazy, lifestyle. I love you.
     
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  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    How is this for honesty?

    Being denied my own orgasms is actually quite easy. Being told no, I am not allowed to cum, turns me on a lot. Each time Elle asserts her ownership of my sexuality it further cements the fact that she is fully into controlling me now, and that we both like the way this has improved our entire relationship. I am fast approaching the second full two month period of chastity since we started and we have been doing this less than a year, so the pace of development of my terms of chastity has not been slow. I recently admitted that if I had to choose between being given an orgasm or given an hour of teasing and denial the teasing would win every time.

    Obviously by 'easy' I mean it drives me crazy, makes me delirious with desire, allows her to control me in ways we never realised were possible, has me on the floor of our shower cubicle dazed from the intensity of the feelings she has given me and, occasionally, has me begging her to let me cum. So yes, easy. So easy that recently she had me so dazed I lost the ability to string a sequence of words together to create a sentence.

    What is not easy however is being denied access to giving her orgasms. When she does not ask me to do anything for her I struggle to cope. Or at least I do when, for me, there is no good reason why. When we are traveling and visiting friends or family, when she is ill, when we are ridiculously busy, tired or so on then I never expect the opportunity to arise. During the working week I have learned not to expect the chance to do anything, it is not what she wants when she has work the next day. This I struggle with but I have learned that the weekend usually more than makes up for this.

    The simple fact is I want to be the best possible husband I can be, I don't want to sulk because she doesn't need me, I don't want to make her feel that she has to let me do something just to cheer me up. I want her to tell me to do things with her because it is what she wants. One of the most powerful things that has happened these past months has been how the removal of pressure to do anything sexually unless she wants to has made her much more confident and relaxed.

    To this end I have asked my Wife to help me with this, and the solution appears to be really simple. All she has to do is tell me that she has had enough when it is obvious that I am aroused and want to go further. She is aware that I am not asking for my own orgasm, I just want to help her to have one. But when she has had enough she can tell me so, and I will not pester her, sulk or mope about being a pain.

    She did this yesterday and I was immediately happy. It didn't matter that I would never have been able to say stop, that's enough, I don't want an orgasm. It didn't matter If I was confused as to why she wouldn't want one. It stopped me worrying that I might not be doing enough for her or giving her enough attention. It was enough that my Mistress Elle took control and told me to stop.
     
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  19. Pinkie
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    Pinkie Active member

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    Jasmic, Thank You for the compliment! If I can be of any help to your wife or to you just say the word.
     
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  20. Thatgirl
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    Thatgirl Owner and Wife of Thatguyontheinternet.
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    I certainly wished I knew more ladies that were into this sort of thing, but unfortunately, I do not. So that is why I am here. To be able to connect with others interested in the same lifestyle. But thank you for the compliments:) I have learned so much in the 8 months I have been here.
     
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  21. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I hope you continue to post your experiences and ideas @Pinkie & @Thatgirl. I think that we need people like you to make this a more balanced place for guys like me and definitely other Keyholders like my Wife. My chastity and orgasm control has become a key element of our dynamic, she is now very serious about this, but at the core it has to be fun for her to continue.

    I also think we need more honest descriptions of the difficulties us men have getting used to the deeper implications our chastity has on us, on truly handing control to our Wives and partners. That is where members like @Caged Wolf and @KatyTwilight have made a difference to me. Wolf was here before I joined, had been for years, and made a huge difference to me. Katy has joined after me and it has been a wonderful meeting of minds. All three of us are massively different when it comes to who we are, how we approach our use of chastity and the style of lives we live within our chastity. But we all want this to work and to be the best husbands we can possibly be.

    I hope more Wives and partners join, and I hope there are more Wolves and Katie's waiting in the wings who will also join.

    I just have one complaint. You all have wonderful usernames. Mine, @Jasmic68 is so naff! I must do something about that. Not sure what, I have seen others change their username with help of the administrator. Any ideas?
     
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  22. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    At last! After a frustrating week, made much more difficult by being uncaged, yesterday morning my Wife finally told me to pleasure her orally. She had a nice orgasm. Somewhere between a 6 or 7 out of ten. Nice but not amazing. It was partially down to our son getting upset outside our bedroom door when he couldn't work out how to turn the hob on to make himself a bacon sandwich for breakfast!

    I had told her that I was finding it challenging not having any intimate moments with her, even though I knew why this was impossible. She has been tired after days out sight seeing or doing activities, and we are in an apartment with other people. While she isn't the noisiest when having an orgasm she isn't exactly silent either! The issue has been my penis has been demanding attention and not having him nicely locked away has most definitely changed how I feel.

    As I say it has been a difficult week for me. My Wife has noticed, and commented, that I have been less compliant, more cheeky, than I usually am. Last night, as we walked back to our apartment after a meal in a nearby restaurant, she said that it was definitely time I was locked up again, I am getting far too cheeky. I had said something that made her turn her head and look at me in a way that let me know immediately I had gone too far. I said it was only a joke and she asked me in whose head?

    Oops.

    It was a moment that demonstrated she is serious about our use of chastity and how important the device is. A little later, when we were in bed, I mentioned to her how my heart skipped a beat when she said it was time for me to be locked up, she sounded like she really meant it. I did, she said, firmly.
     
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  23. rocket
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    rocket sissybitch

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    I love that you are finding your way together in this chastity adventure.
     
  24. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Absolutely love this comment!
     
  25. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @Jasmic68 thanks a lot for your kind words. As you know, I really enjoy exchanging thoughts with you!! I'm glad that although being a beginner I can contribute to your journey.
    About the name. I think it's not that important. You're great, it doesn't matter which user name you choose at CM.
    It was a process for me until I found the user name that I use now. And now I use it across the web.
    For me It was very important to have a username that would define me and my situation very well. I had a couple of user names before this one. At some places I could change it easily. At other places I had to ask the admin.
     
    Jasmic68 likes this.
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