Some of my Male chastity observations.

Thank you @Mascara^Snake for staring this conversation. Tomorrow is exactly 2 months since I first put on a device so I am still very new to this and obviously not in a position to spout off opinions about your thoughts. I am very interested to see what more experienced people respond with.

I can honestly say though that I feel undressed without my device on. The fact that my Mistress has in the last week taken over the demand I have it on rather than me just wearing to prove I can is a huge shift. She only decided to allow me to call her Mistress on Saturday night and last night she used me for her own sexual gratification for the first time in our 25 year marriage. Straight after she shaved my testicles and veeted my abdomen, allowed the area to rest then locked me up again.

Very early on I realized that chastity and the device were more to do with what was going on in my head than what was going on in my penis. It starts with my attitude towards my Wife Mistress, includes dealing with the difficulties and discomfort of wearing the device and most importantly involves the shift of power, control and access to the ability to provide self relief through sex or masturbation and within the relationship as a whole. It isn't all about sex.

I cannot comment on your third point apart from to say I am trying hard not to let this fail. I do think some fail if the Master/Mistress lose interest or were not fully invested in the idea in the first place. I also know I risked failure by pushing my wife too fast and overwhelming her with information.

I am so glad you wrote your final point. At first, reading Tumblr memes, I did think there were all sorts of rules I had to adopt. In fact as far as I see it the only rules are the ones the Mistress/Master are comfortable in having. Rules for one couple will not work for another. My wife has decreed that I can only start a conversation on Saturday unless she starts one at any other time. This was to stop me overwhelming her with my thoughts and ideas. She knows about my Chastity Mansion journal and realizes this is important to me, as I need some kind of outlet for the whirlwind that is going on inside my head at the moment. Our only other rule is my Penis shall be called Penis, not dick, cock or anything else. (She has not started calling it Her Penis yet, but I think this might just be a matter of time.)

As far as masturbating or pulling myself out of my device to get any relief, that isn't a rule. It would be the end of Our Arrangement. We don't have a contract yet, but it would mean she would no longer hold the keys and would not be willing to be my Mistress. It would damage her belief and trust in me and I cannot imagine letting her down that way. She has started playing with my bum for the first time and I love it, but she hasn't inserted anything yet. I'm hoping she will, but that is up to her.

With respect and looking forward to learning more.

Jas (No 'sub' name yet!)

 

Regarding point 3, I've found that in bdsm in general the more extreme a fantasy you get approached with initially the less likely anything will ever happen as these types tend to be "all talk and not trousers" and run for the hills as soon as they realise I'm completely earnest and not role-playing with them.

It seems to me that the submissives that approach with a basic need to serve & play the sub role are the ones that tend to end up being for real and sticking around for months and years slowly becoming more and more submissive and having their limits expanded to places they could not have imagined initially.

 

@Aiki I think that I fit that description of someone who basically wants to acknowledge my position within my relationship with my Wife Mistress as the submissive. I was basically that before anyway, we just never talked about it in those terms, so some of the changes we are making to how we are together are very minor. (Others are huge, like me calling her Mistress!)

As far as any bdsm goes we are definitely exploring this in a whole new way mostly because since starting the chastity and FLR exploration we have talked so much more than before, and found out that both of us had fantasies we never told the other as we thought it was too much for them! We have also discovered that we want to do and have things done to us that we never expected. My wife is going to be doing some butterfly boarding on me soon, something I would never have guessed she would do. It does make sense though, she was a nurse for many years and is very used to using needles on people!

My Wife was not interested in becoming a Femdom when we started this, but it looks like she could develop into one over the years ahead. At the very least she is very happy to truly turn this into an FLR. She asked me whether I was still OK with this becoming something we do all the time from now on, not just something we played at, and I felt dizzy with anticipation and excitement. As I said earlier this is only the start of my third month, but right now I am sure that I want to continue.

 

Points 1, 2 and 3 are all about devices. And as most boys are basically gearheads, we're endlessly fascinated with the mechanics of the devices. Some men get together and talk about their valve lifters and camshaft ratios; others talk about their guitar pickup windings and amp wattage. Others compare specs on their power tools. We discuss P.A. fixings, ball gaps and anti-pullout methods. But the women don't particularly care; it's just a means to an end as far as they're concerned. The condition of your fuel injectors is not particularly relevant when you're going shopping for groceries. The guitar used for that solo doesn't matter if the song makes you cry. The brand of drill doesn't mean the shelves get fixed any better. And so the cage doesn't have much impact on your willingness to submit and refrain from orgasm until he or she allows it.

Granted, we have to wear the things, so comfort and security matter more to us, but the device is only the tool used to achieve a higher purpose. I think that's often forgotten.

As for 4 and 5, there are no 'Chastity Police'. Don't let anyone tell you there are any rules. My Domme and I have a contract because we wanted one. And it works for us. But I've never read anyone else's without my eyes glazing over after the first paragraph. You don't pick my pizza toppings and I won't tell you how to run your private life. And vice-versa.

I'd also suggest that all the chastity in the world won't fix a broken relationship. If you get into this lifestyle because you sleep around behind your partner's back, or you're trying to save a failed marriage, go get counseling instead. It can rejuvenate a relationship that's lost some pizzazz, but it can't bring it back from the dead.

And don't dump it on your partner out of the blue. You may have been carrying around a fantasy scenario in your mind for months or years. It's a little movie in your head, with all the parts written out well in advance to help you get your rocks off. Then one day you spring it on your significant other and guess what? They've not read your script! Don't ask for a loving vanilla wife one day, and a dominant bitch queen the next. It's unfair and will probably ruin any hope you might have that she will take to your fantasy as strongly as you have. Not every woman wants to be dominant; many are quite content with 'equal', or may be submissive themselves. Go slowly. Imagine if she came home one day and said it was her fantasy to only speak Swahili at home, starting.... NOW! Tayari?

 

@Billus i did actually ask my Wife to use chastity to help fix a damaged relationship. I think though three things helped make this work for us, first was I made sure my reasoning was sound and presented in a way that made sense to my wife. Second was that although the relationship was damaged it was not completely broken, it had solid foundations to begin with. The third thing was my wife insisted I prove that this was more than just a fad, that I was actually committed to making it work.

Things are going well at the moment, better than I could possibly have expected.

 

I think these 5 basic points are so very important they need a forum of their own.......especially point 4 that clarifies chastity can be totally vanilla. With all respect to other tastes, I think many more women might find chastity to the benefit of their relationships if we had such a venue for "kink free" FLR education.

 

I hear You - right up my alley...

 

All excellent points. If it works for you, go for it; but don't expect everything will work or that there is some kind of script to follow. Have fun and find out where you and your KH fit in the Chastity Universe.

 

I cannot even wrap my mind around flr without kink.
I feel like a dog trying to understand algebra. I just cannot do it.
Do you really think flr exists without kink?
Ss

 

I do appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts @Mascara^Snake, and I do agree with them, for the most part. If by your points 1) and 2) you mean to say that a man should be capable of remaining chaste without the need for a physical barrier, I would offer that this is equivalent to the vows made at the alter, and we all know how well those are followed in practice. This is why the aspect of "enforced" chastity brings an entirely new dimension to the relationship that women who have not experienced this are so surprised by changes that occur. If by 1) you mean to say that men should get used to any device offered to them and the pain/discomfort of an ill-fitting device is just "in the mind", I would suggest that it would blasphemy for a man to suggest such a thing about a ill-fitting bra. All men are different and what device works for one will not likely work on another. If on the other hand you are referring to the endless quibbles about escaping and pull-out, I am in complete agreement with you there. If a man cannot accept the symbolism of having access to his penis removed and looks for every opportunity to escape, he is dishonoring the relationship just as much as if he peed on her wedding ring when she wasn't looking.

 

Kink-Free Vanilla FLR would be nice.
My wife can't understand kinky. It's weird!
I am trying the slow approach to show her the values of chastity.

 

When my wife and I are together, there's little need for the cage, so I am unlocked and on the "honor system". She is the leader of our relationship and makes all real decisions other than those that she delegates to me (shopping, cooking, housework, checkbook, etc). For us, the cage is a physical but very symbolic instrument which She snaps the lock shut on each morning before going to work. Originally, we got it to prevent my wanking in Her absence. The physical act of her clicking the lock shut each day and giving it a tug has come to be a daily reminder of Her control over me in every way. We both love that. That's neither correct or incorrect; just how our FLR has evolved. It's private, between us and we spend no time analyzing the whys and norms.

 

@Mascara^Snake
Thanks for starting an informative thread
Some points for consideration (some may not agree, that's why I said consideration)
* Chastity can never be enforced on a non willing person
* Chastity without a key holder can't be anything more than a kink. With a key holder can become a fruitful lifestyle
* Dominant males rarely get into chastity, even though their wives may be wanting to
* Once wives experience the benefits of chastity, it becomes a permanent lifestyle for their husbands
* Chastity HAS helped reunite broken / turbulent relationships, if used with deep thought and definite plan
* Staying locked is as exciting as discussing about it on forums, blogs and CM, and receiving likes / comments / compliments
* 24/7 chastity (with proper hygiene care) does not cause any king of permanent damage

Being a veteran, please edit / delete any of the above
Thanks!

 

I think rule number 4) is the most important.

No rules. Everyones kinks are different. What one person finds a turn on, another may find a complete turnoff.

Chastity in otherwise vanilla relationships do occur. In fact it is probably bigger than in kink ones. They are just less vocal and as most of the more extreme areas of some of the more vocal chastees interests probably either shock them or turn them off entirely, they are more likely to hide in the background and keep themselves private.

And very good post Amanda.

 

I wonder if what appears to be a rise in the number of younger males (in their twenties) self-locking might indicate a slight shift towards a more mainstream usage of chastity. Certainly locking for masturbatory gratification in place of a KH would be more 'vanilla' and less 'kink'. But maybe it also signals a desire to control one's own orgasms, and redirect that energy into more useful activities. In that sense, chastity may be tapping into something deep in the male psyche that needs to be expressed. Certainly I've had long periods of time where I'm locked and basically ignored by whatever woman I have designated to be in 'control' of my orgasms. Why would I persist unless I want to do it for myself as much (if not more) than for a woman?

 

Great point. Self-locking sounds like the first step in most of the "how I got here" posts, so there has to be some element of a desire to be locked up on the part of the one in the cage (I know I have that desire and feel "naked" when unlocked). At least that aspect may be entering the "vanilla" zone, with active keyholders, etc., still in the "kink" range.

 

I hope so, it's our responsibility to help spread the word. I have managed to convince a few young vanilla women, who had never even heard of it, to introduce the idea to their boyfriends and husbands.

 

I'd certainly fall in this category. Apart from chastity my wife and I have a totally vanilla relationship. However the fact that I'm locked 24/7 (at work, home, running, socialising, ... ) and only get to orgasm two or three times a year means that the chastity lifestyle -- our one kink -- is a pretty full-on one.

 

I wouldn't go as far as saying my Mistress and I are in a vanilla relationship but in terms of kink levels we are fairly low in comparison to a lot of people I read about on this forum. The thing is that starting the chastity lifestyle and a mild form of an FLR has started a conversation that is opening doors to new possibilities. I think the key (a pun!) is that it is all dependent on my Mistresses needs and set by her own pace. She is not under any pressure to do anything before she is ready. This is one of the reasons I wish I had discovered this years ago.

 

It works well for some @Jasmic68 , and if it continues for years rather than weeks or months then it will progress.

 

@Mistress B I believe that it is working well for us. We have had a few bumps along the way already, usually when we are tired or stressed about other things. The support and help I am getting from this forum, both direct and indirect, is helping enormously. I am still in the weeks stage (2 months is not really long enough to count is it!?) but I hope to stick around and see where this goes.