As a relative newbie a question which I am keen to explore is "how many men on this forum would consider themselves Alpha males?". The reason I ask is that although I have a desire and need to submit in the bedroom area, most people in my social circle and myself would consider me Alpha. Am I alone in this? Or is this a common theme? I personally think that it takes a huge amount of courage and bravery to entrust another with the gift of keyholding. In a sense it is in most cases that it is the male desire in a relationship to progress to a chastity lifestyle or play, which is in itself contradictory to the female led relationship. All views are welcome.
Well there is no one size fits all for chastity. It can be whatever you want it to be. Stay an alpha or explore any submissive feelings you might have or may be brought out. For me personally, I am the man of the house and shall remain that way because thats what she wants. So I'm happy to oblige. My wife could care less about most things chastity related but she did enjoy me not being able to masturbate and saving all of my pent up sexual rage just for her. It's what works for us.
Thanks for your reply neverknew and you are absolutely right that we are all different however would you consider yourself an Alpha male? If your wife decided one day that the terms of your marriage were to change based on your chastity, would you be forthcoming or would you hold back?
Am I an alpha? Thats hard for me to say. I would tend to say no just from the fact that I am not a natural leader and not a dominating type person. But I am a guy. I do manly stuff. I guess I'm just a regular Joe. But I know I'm not submissive either. I wont back down on something if I know I'm right, or its the right thing to do. Even when my wife has had me locked up I would still argue with her as usual. But we dont argue or fight over normal things. For example, she would say I'm taking the wrong roads to get somewhere. I would say I'm driving and this is the way I go when I'm driving, when your driving you can go any which way you want lol. Mostly we have fun with it. But I'm not the type to hold my head down and say yes maam and then do what she wants lol. So yeah if she wanted to change things to more of a female led relationship, I would have a hard time with that. But I'm not worried, she has said she likes the dynamics of our relationship.
Thanks and I didn't mean to be pushy I have a psychology background and as such love to explore concepts of where people's mindsets exist. Thanks for your honest answer, I would think I am not a million miles away from your relationship dynamic myself
Well i have no reason not to be honest lol. We are all anonymous here. I have no idea what draws some men into chastity. For me, when I had seen my first device on a porno, it just looked really strange. But then later on I seemed to want to learn more about it. The more I looked into it the more it turned me on, the ability no have an orgasm. So for me its more about the denial, and not really submissive feelings. And I did of course see the benefits this could have for our marriage. We had been in a slump for a few years. Watching all of our friends going through divorce, this seemed like a good way to reignite the flame so to say. So In a sense nothing has changed sexually between me and her, im just eager and ready to have sex when she is. Though we still struggle with the denial part. She doesnt know how to say no me, which is what I want. But we are working on that. Why do I wasnt to be denied? I have no idea. Maybe having some psychology under your belt you can answer that better then me.
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind and it will be different for each of us. As a society we are changing more rapidly and the Internet allows for the development of subcultures (bdsm) which would not have been possible in the past. Not only can we find others like us in minutes via a Google search, we can put forth our most intimate thoughts to complete strangers without fear of reprisal. This will provide a sense of belonging and of being socially accepted, where in the past feelings may have been buried and denied and not acted upon. In addition as women have become more independent and educated unhappy relationships are less likely to proceed as it is now more socially to get divorced. This has left a number of single parent families as the female as the sole breadwinner, disciplinarian and leader for many child and adolescent boys. Many may not have a strong male figure in their lives during this and as the child moves through puberty and become sexually aware and responsive the dynamic of the relationship of mother son/daughter of power and control with heightened sexual awareness of the child causes an association between being at the mercy of a female leader and hightened sexual awareness Therefore having a female authority figure at this time has created a strong association with their sexuality. I think that male chastity in particular is about stepping back to a time when sexual tension is heightened and a woman is in control.
I see your point and it does make some sense. But as for me, well I grew up with both parents. They were the best parents you could ask for and they are still married today. My father was definitely the authority figure in our house. Who knows, maybe my desire just comes from the fact that i'm a control freak, so the loss of control is something new and different. If that isn't it then my answer continues to blow in the wind lol. Thats ok, I dont need to understand it to enjoy it.
I agree with you there. Just as a women only understand what women can, the same goes for men and understanding men. That is why I really feel sorry in a way for the Gen Y and Gen Z kids as a whole since there are no male role models anymore. If they grow up in a father-less household, then the boundries that gets setup between men naturally (as abhorrent as it is to women) aren't there. So what is the end result? Driftless boys, who either rotate to the extreme chauvinism, or men that girls and younger adult women don't respect or want to be around. So then substitute porn (to deal with testerone fulled edge, the embarassament of never being able to talk to your parent (no boy will ever talk to his mother about sex), and now you get the scenarios where girls have to dress and act like the porn stars. Given guys have a slower development path, and then place them in a scenario which could retard them further, viola ... bad situations, whether through lashed out violence, or in best case scenarios peter pan events. Boys currently in a way are being controlled; however, instead of striving for intellectual or professional pursuits, they are just dropping out. Given the girls successes (which is a good thing), the current ghosting that happens to girls or women when a relationship is moving forward will just increase over time. A good section of women desire an alpha man (mostly) that isn't abusive and is a partner in relationships. The reality without those relationships for boys to emulate, and societies view on the ADHD view of boys and no role models ... it isn't going to happen So in short Alpha male syndrom is just as rare a kink / fantasy view as any other non-traditional practices including male chastity, cuckoldry, and poly relationships are. I really do hope the negative view I have written is a blip due to some black swan event; however, from the numerous cities I have been too, and the multitude of people I have met, this is what I see happening. :-(
I would say I bounce around the Alpha mark, having the cock locked up helps bring out my more sensitive and intimate side without the bull thinking it is going to be getting sex. My wife loves coming into my arms for big, long, strong man hugs now, knowing that all that testosterone is pure love (well some lust) and not just a precursor to sex. Its only when the lock jingles that I can feel a wee embarrassed as it rings out my imprisonment to her.