Sub looking for advice and guidance

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by cbur1334, Nov 1, 2014.

  1. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    I'm relatively new to actually indulging in my submissive fantasies, although if fantasized about it since I was 15. As a college student I'm starting out my life, and I know from failed passed relationships that I should not be in charge. I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how I can be the best sub I can be. I've already tried to start taking care of myself physically more, eating better, and not lifting weights but just doing cardio (to be healthy but not overly masculine), and I've started to grow my hair out, since it's something I always wanted to do, and something I feel would help with being submissive. I am currently saving up for a MM Jailbird, since that seems to be the one everyone really recommends and I can't afford to be burned again by another non fitting device (ie. bird locked). I would love to be held in chastity for a loving dom, one who cares for me truly and sensually, but also knows how to use her power to keep me on the verge of fear to satisfy her (who am I kidding, our) more twisted side. I don't really know where to find a girl like that, and if anyone knows of anywhere that would be appreciated as well, but I know if I ever do find a girl to be my dom in all ways, it'll be so rare that if I miss it, it might not come again :( how do I impress a dom looking for a loving lifelong sub, and future sub husband? What can I be expected to do and how can I view it mentally so that I never convince myself of anything other than her word to be law? I'm new, confused, but humbly asking for advice from experienced doms, as well as fellow subs. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. I LOVE my Choice!
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    I LOVE my Choice! Long term member

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    Hi @cbur1334!

    Welcome welcome welcome!

    HUGE kudos to you for writing such a heartfelt and personal post!

    I'm 44, so any advice I would give would be tainted by my own hindsight and personality....

    I'm also no font of all knowledge, so I won't pretend that I have an easy answer for you.... Wish I did! :(

    Your post really touched me from what I saw as your abject honesty! And I would say that this is perhaps a great quality that you have! I think in general guys try to hide their submissive feelings in the face of the 'macho' cultures that we live in, which creates confusion and (identity?) problems...

    You seem to be well in tune with who you want to be, so you have a great start already!

    Keep using that honesty my young friend! :D I believe it will serve you well!

    With the absolute kindest regards.

    J.
     
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  3. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    Thankyou. I've tried to keep it under wraps, I still don't think people would understand. I think if they knew this part of me, they would see me as weak. I don't think I'm weak, I just think hat given my passed experiences, I'm better off in a FLR than one where I make the decisions. I've experienced the dom side of this lifestyle, and while it was fun, I always felt out of place, I felt like I was unsure of myself, was I hurting her, was I going too far, when is it time to stop being demanding and start finding a different way to keep control. I didn't like it. It was all too much for me. Being submissive just makes more sense to me. I can concentrate on making the woman of my dreams as happy as I can, and do my best to make it easiest on her to maintain control. I appreciate your response, this was honestly my first post to a thread ever, and I was nervous as to how it would go over. Afterall this has been a subject I've felt alone about for the last few years.. But It's nice to see that there are people who can relate, and who want to help however they can :)
     
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  4. I LOVE my Choice!
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    I LOVE my Choice! Long term member

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    If you already know yourself you are far from weak my friend.... You are STRONGER than those who judge you!
     
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  5. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    Cliche, but I like it, and appreciate the sentiment behind it :) thankyou
     
  6. mikeDsub
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    mikeDsub Active member

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    Welcome. Your problem is probably going to be finding a dominant women in your age group. My experience is that they do not get dominant until they are a little older. I do wish you better luck than I had in college. I did not find a dominant woman until I was 21 and it did not last long. It took me 10 years to get my wife into being sexually dominant by taking it a little further every few months, until she is now very comfortable whipping my butt full force. There was a time when she did not even want to pinch my nipples. Finding someone who wants to dominate you both in and out of the bed is not going to be easy at your age but not impossible either. Good luck to you.
     
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  7. kkeeiitthh
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    kkeeiitthh Long term member

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    Somehow when we stop looking for something, THAT is when we find it, or it finds us. Good luck.
     
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  8. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    I agree, in my own personal experience, girls my age tend to not know what they want (again to anyone reading this, my own personal experience) and from friends and relatives I've heard that usually after they're done all the partying and whatnot in college they tend to find themselves a little more (not trying to generalize anything about women, I am not intending to offend whatsoever). But because of these personal realizations I've come to plan to get my life in order, get my own place, solid job, routine, etc. and in a few years I'll be all I can to attract the partner I truly desire. You mentioned that you slowly changed your wife's mind into liking the domination role, do you, or anyone else, find that to be better? Worse? More common? Than finding a girl that's already into it?
     
  9. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    I'll keep that in mind, as I've realized that to be true in other aspects of my life as well. Thankyou :)
     
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  10. misskimberley
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    misskimberley Sexy playful transgender

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    Welcome to Chastity Mansion,
    Thank you for the detailed introduction. I hope you find the mistress of your dreams, be honest with yourself and never sell yourself short,
    Big kisses
    Kim
    xxx
     
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  11. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    Thankyou misskimberley for your best wishes :) finding a dom to love and worship is my purpose and goal in life
     
  12. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Just work hard live a good life work to being who you want to be. Look after you health and be nice to those who come into your life .


    Do not force your chastity on them from day one or even before by putting it in serious profiles on dating websites .

    You could try it for fun but expect pprobably short lived relationships.

    Long term most partners are probably going to expect some great sex certainly in the beginning . Enjoy it not many things better that great sex !
    The decision making is totaly separate so she can still say what goes .

    So just be open minded and enjoy life and not obsessed about locking up you boy bits .

    She will just pop into your world when you least expect it .

    Xx Wendy
     
  13. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    @Wendygirl +1 you stated alot of what I was thinking .... In today's society folks with the kink tendencies we have, need to have adequate resources to be able to search and enjoy what we like. Be a success in what you endeavor (and happy in a way), and be yourself; however, do realize your desire for subservience is a gift that you need to find the right person to share with.
     
  14. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    So only reveal it once you've established a repour with the person? I understand that one should have a certain level of tact when it comes to these desires, is that what you both are saying?
     
  15. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    You enjoy each other and you find out what each other enjoys .

    Music food paintings films oh and sex .

    Then you will start to see if chastity has a place in your relationship .

    Your partner might be interested or may prfer to find you ready and very available at a moments notice.

    There is a lot more to life that chastity Try not to fixate on it. .

    Xx Wendy
     
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  16. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    Yes, once a level of trust and acceptance with one another is made. Subservience, chastity, and alot of other things in the BDSM realm when involved with traditional relationships takes time to evolve. There is a reason why in traditional M/F or even F/F and M/M relationships there is such a high failure rate ... a lack of communication and trust is usually the cause. Each relationship takes time to evolve, and sadly very few people get it right, since everyone's view points/beliefs/stereotypes are different ...
     
  17. cbur1334
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    cbur1334 Member

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    That's a good point, I'll try to keep it in mind
    so patience then, that makes sense. It would be weird if someone didn't know you and you suggested all of these things. And tbh, I wouldn't want a key holder I didn't trust. It makes sense that you should trust the other person. I guess it's like most things where if you go into it needing something it's not likely to happen, but if you go in with the acception that it may or may not happen, your body language and such will behave in a way where it gives the thing you want more of a fighting chance to happen. That was rly helpful, thankyou :)
     
  18. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    I'd agree with all of the above, both other peoples comments, and your own.

    It is very smart to use these years of youth to explore yourself freely, Go and walk across a continent, cycle round the world, whatever it is that floats your boat - all the things that are harder to do once in a fully committed relationship.
    But also explore your kinks. I've found that mine have changed over the years, but with some elements returning time and again. Listen to them, and learn from them, as they're a part of who you are.

    And then, when it's time, be ready to put them aside if needs be, either as life takes over or other interests come to the fore. As Wendy says, don't get too wrapped up in them. It's important to come to each new serious relationship with a clean slate, to let yourself become the product of who you are together as a couple rather than who you are as a single person. In each relationship I find a new balance, and different aspects of ones self come to the fore. Allow that to happen without preconceived ideas about what kind of sex you want, as you may surprise yourself in years to come.

    Unless, of course, you happen to meet some deliciously kinky wench who ticks your boxes and is happy to lock them too, in which case..... the above still holds, as doubtless she'll have her own ideas about what kind of sex-life you're going to be having!
     
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