Fed up Domme

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by MommaK, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. gaygurly
    Offline

    gaygurly Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2014
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    84
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    newark notts
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    U care to much my kh would make me where chastity device even if my bits fall off .lock him up and ignore him.my kh wont even listern to me if i moan now after 5 months i cant even feel device and id do anything for kh not just so i can get release just because she has power over me
     
    Usul likes this.
  2. filltee
    Offline

    filltee Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    3,378
    Likes Received:
    2,502
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Sheffield. South Yorkshire UK
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    I think Vinny has hit the nail on the head in his post.

    You guy either wants you be really assertive in your domination of him

    or

    Chastity play and all it entails is just masturbatory fantasy for him.

    For my own 10cents worth I'll just say thet neither of you will find any contentment until you have both worked out and discussed what it is that you want from your relationship, where you might go and how you are going to get there.
     
    proximacentauri likes this.
  3. tiemeupalso
    Offline

    tiemeupalso Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2010
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    203
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    texas
    Local Time:
    11:58 AM
    he is so lucky and is to stupid to recognize it.
    i hope you find what you are looking for and i would be thankful to no end if i could find someone like you.
     
  4. Espylady07
    Offline

    Espylady07 Loving brutality for Usul alone

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    100
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    Hello MommaK. Welcome to you. I think you and I have quite a bit in common. Chastity and the D/s type of relationship was all my husband's idea. Our marriage was failing due to lack of any kind of sexual contact. I wasn't being satisfied sexually by him and I was tired of faking it for his benefit anymore. Spending a minute with my vibrator was much more satisfying than dealing with the mess of helping him achieve orgasm. It's amazing how a lack of sex can and will fuel arguments in the most insignificant of topics. He introduced a desire for chastity. Seems silly since it was our lack of sex causing problems. Putting him in chastity seemed to solve the majority of our problems. Chastity relieved him of any and all pressure related to satisfying me sexually. Although, this didn't stop him from trying to top from the bottom. Now our arguments stemmed from him trying to tell me how best to dominate him. Finally I had had enough. I donned my favorite sexy outfit (black corset, thigh highs, and heeled knee-high boots). I ordered him to strip down and assume the proper position on our bed. We have a solid set of restraints under the mattress of our bed. All the while I was helping tie him down I would explain to him how he was being a bad little slave and how disappointed I was in his behavior. I asked him if he remembered his safeword because he was getting his deserved punishment. Once he was fully restrained, I pulled out the new ball gag and put it on him. At this point I told him that he could forget his safeword as it wouldn't help him. Safewords have no place in our relationship. I know what is best for him and he trusts me to push those limits. As I then administered a brutal beating, I berated him for his attitude and lack of respect for my position over him. By the end of our session, his rear was deep red with welts little blood spots from the pimples I had exploded open. I had broken a standard yard stick into several pieces over him and given my crop and flogger both good workouts. He was openly sobbing around the gag. At this point I finally released him. He fell to his knees and began kissing my feet as he apologized profusely for his terrible behavior. He vowed to never try to top from the bottom again. He thanked me over and over again for setting him straight and giving him the beating he deserved. See, while he was sobbing he was also leaking a river of precum through his cage. I am his wife and I am his Mistress. I alone know how much pain he really can take and how often he needs to feel that pain in order to remember his place.

    I'm not saying this is the best course of action for you or anyone else. I'm just saying that a man who begs for this lifestyle and then tries to control how he is dominated, really just needs his woman to unleash on him. Use your anger as a helpful tool. Before that night I was worried about hurting him. Now I worry about not delivering a strong enough beating when he really needs it. Please feel free to contact me on here or in private if you would like the further this conversation.
     
  5. kinky_hubby
    Offline

    kinky_hubby New member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    Being super alpha male is no excuse. Myself im a very very alpha male in every day life. Run a business been self employed since I was 20. For me to let my wife be my mistress, dominate me. Its escapism from every life. And enjoyed greatly by both of us. I brought up idea of chastity a few years ago and was very curious to try it. We did and wow. Lots of fun, yes tried different devices, and still are trying different ones. Currently using birdlocked mini pink of course she think its cute to her man wearing a pink device. When im not in it and misbehave. She tells me falt out. To put cage on or goes in garbage and all games are over.

    Only advice I can think of. Is be more strict with him. Tell him wear it or nothing for comfort, well my experiance takes more then one day for abrasions and etc.

    Or tie him up. Spank him, pour wax on him, fuck his ass hard till he take you seriously as acting mistress. Lol.
    Chop up a bunch a halepino peppers with bare hands. Let the juice soak in your fingers. Then give him a long burning hand job and finger his ass make it burn. Lol :). Punish him hard take control.
     
  6. Dev810
    Offline

    Dev810 Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technology Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Birmingham, Alabama
    Local Time:
    11:58 AM
    Do you guys have a chastity contract?

    One idea I have is write out a declaration he has to read to you - on his knees - a number of times a day. Declaring his submission to you, your will, and that he will be an upstanding honorable sub of his word. He can read it on his knees in the morning, call you during the day to read it, and read it at night. If he does not follow through on the declaration then he is being dis honorable to his word. Reading it so often well help get it in his bones and change behavior on a subcontious level. If he fails to follow through he can write it 50 or 100 times, quite a lot since this declaration can be as long as you deem neccesary.
     
  7. Lady De
    Offline

    Lady De Never turning back!

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2014
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    439
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Accounting manager
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Denmark
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    Could not help but to comment on this one:)

    @Dev810 - I find it a bit silly, and something that maybe sounds like a lot of submissive fun, but in reality would drive me crazy.
    If he really needs to redeclare his submissiveness three times a day, he is not cut out to serve you, and can't hardly be called sub material!

    @MommaK - My husband @BlueEyes is certainly an alpha in his job, a strong one indeed, but he has actually proven to be sincere when he announced that the introduction of this wonderful lifestyle was not just another kink of his, but was in fact a way to abandon some of his extreme kinks - that he performed on himself in secrecy and to focus on our marriage, my needs and my pleasures. He certainly has. Today, we have no contract, no device, but he is on permanent denial!! I wanted to give him the ultimate test of dedication, and so far he has passed it - with a huge margin. He does not cheat, cause he does not want to exit this world of total surrender to me. :)

    He does 98% of the chores, and pampers me, shower me with gifts, and has become a master in pleasing me orally, not to mention massage and sweet words and all the care and monetary and physical protection I could ask for.

    If he had insisted on contracts, swopping or adjusting devices over and over, and kept on talking about all his "sufferings", I could have gone cold, but he did not. I have allowed him to inform me every 100 days , about his denial. Thats it. I don't keep track of it at all.

    If I were to find any excuses for Your man behavior it would be that he perhaps - has not yet tried to enter into a true submissive mindset. In my limited experience it happened went I first kept @BlueEyes in denial - and at the time - locked up - for 3 weeks in a row. Then he really let go, and indulged himself in my leadership. It was an amazing surreal yet wonderful experience:)

    Help the poor man in his bewildering! Lock him up in a pull-out proof device. and then just ignore his agony, and "suffering". And hopefully he will start to feel true submissiveness after 2-3 weeks, and not just the version where it is nothing but yet another turn-on fantasy of his.... Once he reach that eye of the storm, there is a good change that he will not want to risk loosing that feeling again, and then you got him!

    You don't have to go down the servere punishment road as @Kinky Hubby suggests. That is often just another topping from bottom trick, that proclaimed subs are putting one your shoulders... in my opinion... Don't obey his kinks. Make him obey yours!

    XX DREWife
     
    Usul, Dev810, Espylady07 and 2 others like this.
  8. Dev810
    Offline

    Dev810 Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technology Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Birmingham, Alabama
    Local Time:
    11:58 AM
    Understood and respectfully to each their own. My suggestion stems more from some recent studies I have done on human psychology, namely if you repeat something enough times you begin to believe it and it influences beliefs, behavior and action on a subconscious level. This is a technique similar to repeating affirmations to influence ones belief system, commonly practiced by top level performers and athletes in our society to give them an edge. It is but my humble suggestion however silly it may be, I just know through studies it has been shown effective in behavior modification.
     
  9. Lady De
    Offline

    Lady De Never turning back!

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2014
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    439
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Accounting manager
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Denmark
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    Fair enough - who can stand up against science;-) My comment to your was based on a flash back to when my husband constantly wanted to have me to tell him how brave he was and all, ten times a day, and kept asking for me to be more strict with him 20 times a day. What a horrified memory. All gone and almost forgotten;-) But not entirely fair to You. Still I don't think your suggested re-proclamations is something that many Females/Dommes would like to listen to all day long... - no matter the effect :) Sorry!
     
    Usul and Dev810 like this.
  10. Dev810
    Offline

    Dev810 Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technology Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Birmingham, Alabama
    Local Time:
    11:58 AM
    No worries at all! :)

    And it's far more important that he repeats it multiple times and not neccesary that she has to sit and listen to it, the only reason a dom/domme would really need to hear it is to make sure a sub really did it. It could be possible to make him record himself making his proclamation, and then she could just occasionally confirm he is indeed doing it.
     
  11. Lady De
    Offline

    Lady De Never turning back!

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2014
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    439
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Accounting manager
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Denmark
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    OK- now we are talking;-) - But not listening - for long;-)
     
    Dev810 and Mascara^Snake like this.
  12. MommaK
    Offline

    MommaK Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    10:58 AM
    I want to thank everyone for their responses, and input. It's good to know that I am not the only one who has been through this and that there is possibly a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to us both getting what we want. Yes we have a contract, he's signed - actually two copies he's signed, but will jokingly claim that he didn't sign willingly. There was no being tied up or kink when he signed, so I take offense when he makes remarks like that. @DREWife I can only dream for my sub to be anything like yours, in fact I got told yesterday that I get flowers three times a year (birthday, mothers day, and our anniversary) and I shouldn't be complaining. Truth is, I'm not satisfied with three times a year, because I know what my husband is capable of and that is bare minimum(weather he knows it or not). I ended up showing him this post, he's pulled it up a few times on his phone as well but claims he's only skimmed it and wasn't able to gain anything. I also asked him what he felt the best approach was for him and he hasn't had time to think of anything. It's been over a year of promises of how much better things will be, and yes I can agree they've improved but the promises of what I would receive have definitely fell short. I've made my decision on how things will be playing out for the next little bit for him- His actions and attitude tonight if anything expedited whats to come. I'll do my best to post on here what our experiences are. Thanks again to everyone, I really appreciate all the help!
     
  13. manintyres
    Offline

    manintyres Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2010
    Messages:
    578
    Likes Received:
    536
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Process Operator
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Thurrock
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    Hope you can both work things out and you are happy with whatever happens and how things turn out
     
  14. Usul
    Offline

    Usul fear is the mind killer

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2013
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    278
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    I was about to make a remark about how ugly of a thing it was for him to say that you shouldn't be complaining about only getting flowers 3 times a year. But I was reminded, when reading my wife's story of breaking me, and by the discovery of a print out of some ugly remarks I made in an email argument years ago, that I have that same ugly side. The truth is I believe we men all have a deep capacity to love, and to pamper, and to spoil our beloved. I'm embarrassed for our whole gender that ego gets in the way of our potential so often for so many. And I'm ashamed that it sometimes takes great effort by great women to save us from ourselves. Bless you for making the effort, and best wishes that it will bear fruit.
     
  15. proximacentauri
    Offline

    proximacentauri Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    I'm sure you know what's best, but please don't go about beating someone or doing something harsh without really understanding what drives them. It could lead to a worse situation that what you had prior to this.

    I had a Mistress one time who decided I was being too bratty. She tried exactly that - dismissed my safeword and went beyond what I would consider acceptable, beyond something I was ready for, without clearly monitoring what was going on. We talked it through later, but that was a rift in our relationship - I couldn't trust her anymore. I think communication is key here - not all men what to be uber submissives. Some might just like kinky games (even though they want to be uber submissives.)
     
  16. ladylionzsissy
    Offline

    ladylionzsissy male chastity sissymaid

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    78
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    east coast
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    think positive thoughts, surely there's some middle ground where you can both be happy!
     
    coffee2sugars likes this.
  17. maid_carrie
    Offline

    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2008
    Messages:
    1,692
    Likes Received:
    1,719
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    You mentioned similar in another thread @proximacentauri so I assume you feel very strongly on this point, quite right too.

    Communication and listening to each other must be the key to any arrangement. It helps the domme to know how far she can go without damaging both the sub and the relationship - and maybe push it a little further each time. Behaving like a fantasy fiction "uber" domme that cares nought for the sub and brooks no feedback may be appealing - but that is not real life.
     
    Sig Wyrminorb and Mistress Jules like this.
  18. MommaK
    Offline

    MommaK Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    10:58 AM
    I do agree with you on this. He does like some physical punishment but I don't know if I could bring myself to push it too far. I'm thinking things may start to look up, as hostile as they might be right now. He's been made aware that this is my final attempt for him, he doesn't know what my plan if for the next little bit and I feel that will work in my favor. He just needs to figure out how to try and let go of being dominant at home, it's what he wanted after all. I feel once he truly lets go of it all, that's when the turn around will happen.
     
  19. tiemeupalso
    Offline

    tiemeupalso Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2010
    Messages:
    612
    Likes Received:
    203
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    texas
    Local Time:
    11:58 AM
    if he dont work out,give me a call:)
    i would feel like the luckiest man in the world.
     
  20. filltee
    Offline

    filltee Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    3,378
    Likes Received:
    2,502
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Sheffield. South Yorkshire UK
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    As an after thought.

    Shortly after or the day after him having had an orgasm.. just so his mind is less likely to go elsewhere.

    Ask him what it is that he wants out of TTTWD and why he wants to be locked .. give him some time to think about it and insist that he does

    when he has answered

    Ask him why it is that he does not want to be locked ... give him some time to think about that too.

    After his reply.

    Ask him if he wants to hold his own keys or does he want you to be properly involved as his keyholder ?

    If he chooses the latter option ask him if he is going to let you be his keyholder your way and appreciate you for doing so ...because if not you want nothing to do with it.

    That should at least start some meaningful conversations, how they turn out should be quite revealing .
     
    SubVerity and Espylady07 like this.
  21. dsinbraces
    Offline

    dsinbraces Dominant wife/KH of dickie

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2013
    Messages:
    265
    Likes Received:
    227
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Florida,USA
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    It always takes two people to make this work. In our case, after 28 years of marriage, I was prepared for a divorce. We both knew this would create more hardship for him than me. He could leave, or stay under my total control, as a punishment for his extra-martial affair. The choice was his, to stay, and become a willing submissive, which was something that i always felt was his nature in the first place.
    He cannot top from the bottom for things to work. There can omly be one boss, and until he gives you control, he is not being submisive, simply playing a game with his fantasy world.
    Best of luck to you in your quest.
    Mistress Suzan (dominant wife of dickie)
     
  22. proximacentauri
    Offline

    proximacentauri Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    Yes... unfortunately a much worse situation happened to another person I know. I was lucky in a way, that my Domme didn't take it to the point where I was harmed or passed out or something... but I remember that panicky feeling, that feeling of being utterly helpless, of realizing how much I didn't want this and that I was completely powerless to stop it. And I love pain, trust me, I love the point of being beaten leaving marks and welts and the wonderful, wonderful endorphin rush, to the point where I'm begging for more lashes. I love that gleam in a sadists eye, and how turned on she gets. It's almost like art, finding that perfect balance of hurting someone enough to make them want more.

    There wasn't much of this here .. this was beating born out of anger. It was ugly. It had no grace, no thought, no finesse. It was born of a darkness that's in every person, a darkness that powers BDSM, in a way, but is transformed into something creative and wonderful. But this was it in a raw form, and it was frightening and terrible.

    It's funny how a perspective shift would have been different. The very same experience is something I would have adored if it wasn't done in anger or malice. If it was done with love and caring, and with an understanding of what was to happen.
     
  23. MistressL
    Offline

    MistressL I'm through

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2010
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    554
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    9:58 AM
    Game? Hand him the keys.
    RL? Keep him locked.

    BTW welcome here.
     
    Joroincharge likes this.
  24. LockedUpDom
    Offline

    LockedUpDom Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2014
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:58 PM
    There's A Lot Of Good advice here. From the perspective of a new sub who has played the dominant for years. I find myself testing my fiance dominances. I'm seeing what I can get away with.

    Her being new to dominance it's quite a lot. We have been doing the switch for less then a week. Now if I get away with something at the end of the night I explain to my fiance that she was to easy on me and why. She usually gives in if I don't listen. But here's one experience that did work.

    After work I get home and shower like usual. We then ate. Watched some tv then she ordered that I be naked. So I stripped. She told me to edge so I did. Probably for about 15 minutes.

    She said when your close stop. So I told her when I was about to and stopped. Now being the dominant for so long I got quite used to cumming when ever I wanted.

    Don't know if on purpose or not but she used her thumb put pressure in the right spot on the under side of my shafts and I came instantly. Now we are not doing heavy denial just yet.

    She was not amused. Said I was pathetic. Told me to get rope and had my legs tied together and my hands tied at the knees bent over in a very vulnerable position.

    I stood there a good 15 minutes. Then she told me to apologize for cumming, let me out and told me to clean. This worked for me. It was a first solid dominance play for her.

    That being said you need to remain stern. If the devices don't cut off circulation put it on him and don't give in to him crying to take it off.
     
  25. Joroincharge
    Offline

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2009
    Messages:
    4,143
    Likes Received:
    2,427
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    England
    Local Time:
    4:58 PM
    I agree.

    He is what's called topping from the bottom.

    What's to do depends on what you want. If you don't want to be dominant or in control, don't. But if you do, then assert yourself and tell he'd better accept your decisions and stop wingeing. The whole point is you control and he accepts it. Else the whole thing is a waste of time.
     
    maid_carrie likes this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice