Need help

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by rossnlaura, Sep 29, 2014.

  1. rossnlaura
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    rossnlaura New member

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    New here and not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes.

    I really get turned on by the thought of chastity and so does my wife, we have purchased the cb3000 after reading the reviews.

    I have managed to wear it it for a few days but then the appeal disappears and I don't want to wear it as the desire to cum is too great, we have tried to build up to a longer period but I have never managed to get more than 3 days without the desire making me find a way to get the device off and cum .

    My wife is always understanding but I long to be able to give her sole control of me and trust her to do so.

    Any ideas what I/she can do to overcome this?

    Thanks in advance for your replys
     
  2. happyWifebetterlife
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    You are topping from the bottom. Knock it off. If you like the thought of Her denying you your orgasms, and She is willing to do so, you my friend, have hit the jackpot! If you are getting out that easy without keys, your device is poorly fitted. Try using a smaller ring, or shorter spacers between the ring and cage. Order "points of intrigue" from the companies website. It's a row of spikes that goes between the ring and cage to make cheating and erections less of an issue. Go to www.keptforher. com and look at the KSD-G3 anti- pullout device, as well. Whatever you and your girl decide, just keep building on it together and make it work for both of you. Balance in all things, brings joy to all involved.
     
  3. I LOVE my Choice!
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    I LOVE my Choice! Long term member

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    Hey there!

    Maybe this needs a little 'mind over matter'....?

    Sorry if I appear harsh - definitely don't mean to be!!!!!

    Perhaps you could try turning the strong urge to cum into something more positive....? As in, if it feels so good after three days, how might it feel after, say, five days or a week....? Turn it into something worth waiting for as opposed to something that you are missing out on perhaps...? :)

    Also, maybe the old marathon runner hitting the wall analogy is appropriate here!

    You seem to hit your 'wall' at around three days....

    Maybe you could fight through that wall and once you're through, you'll be free to fly!!! :D

    If you REALLY want to play the game, you could always give your keys to your girl and if you ask for them back, she can say: 'game over! Not gonna bother with it any more...!'

    I think it's like most things.... where there's a will, there's a way! ;)

    Good luck and I hope this helps a little bit!

    With the absolute kindest regards.

    J.
     
  4. happyWifebetterlife
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    i think you hit the nail on the head, "choice". That is an excellent idea! Test your metal young man. Give Her the keys and let her decide. You trust Her. You said so. You have nothing to lose but your ability to have your way in this one tiny aspect of your life. You must want to be denied on some level or you wouldn't be locked in the first place.
     
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  5. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    I am a newbie too; only on month 10. We started off like and you did and like you, by day three I wanted to have an orgasm and told my wife no more chastity. Afterwards I felt disappointed in myself. I then asked my wife not to give in to me but after a week of begging, she got annoyed with me and gave me an orgasm. Chastity is really a mental game. We will not die if we do not have an orgasm. It is a battle between our hormones urging us to reproduce as much as possible and our brains suppressing the desire. Much like the battle when you quit smoking. I did quit smoking and I grabbed onto that idea that it was a battle that my stupid hormones would not win.

    At first my wife and I agreed on a week but we had two teasing sessions during that time where my wife edged me for an hour and then had her own orgasm and told me to lock up again. Those two sex nights of cuddling, kissing and doing everything but letting me cum, got me through the next few days until our next sex night. We did a week a few times and then a week and a half, then two weeks and finally 3 weeks. We wanted to try for a month, as my wife enjoys teasing me and prefers me horny all the time, but she had to go in for surgery so we put chastity on hold. We have recently started it up again and are shooting for a month. It happens to be our 44th or somewhere around that number, anniversary. I forget exactly how long we are married but know it has been a long time. That gives me something to shoot for, a special anniversary night and that makes it a little easier.

    My mind is in a better place now because I learned from my past mistakes, much like I did in my first 3 previous attempts at quitting smoking. You learn and avoid the same mistakes. I am more mentally prepared for chastity. Even my CB6000s feels more comfortable and so far I have worn it 24/7 for three whole day and now is the fourth day and no problems. I am not going to tell you that your wife is a goddess and you have to submit to her and have no say in your chastity. You do not have to incorporate any D/s stuff. Just talk to your wife and let her understand that you need her help is avoiding orgasms for longer period of times. Do not hand her a line about how it is all for her benefit because it is mostly for yours. :) I went from up to five orgasms a day to one every two weeks in about 6 months. Baby steps.

    There is also this to consider, fantasies are often different than reality. In your mind, it is exciting to think that your orgasms are3 controlled by someone else. However, you do not feel the hormones urging you to cum when fantasizing about it. In reality, your brain is flooded with hormones that are perhaps, the most powerful of all; the desire to procreate. It is that strong desire that is the reason you are even here. My point is that many times, myself included, get excited about a fetish but after we try it, it is not as good as we imagined, so we move on to something else. This is something you should consider. Even the maker of the CB series says that most guys try it for a week or two and then put it away. Some never use it again while others bring it out for short term chastity play now and then. There is no rulebook or prizes for being in chastity for long periods of time.

    Do not try to follow anyone else's version of chastity. That usually leads to disappointment. Do what you and your wife feel like doing. If it is just simply locking you up until you are crazy horny, then do that but give the teasing sessions a try first. She may enjoy teasing and denying you and it may help you go a few days longer. Lastly, always remember that on sex forums, more say that they do things than actually do it. Do not adopt someone else's fantasy, whether they actually live it in real life or not. There is nothing wrong with orgasms. You will not get magical powers if you never have an orgasm. It is a sexual fetish and game. There is a fine line between a fetish and psychological issue. Maybe chastity is just not your fetish. There are many others that promote orgasms to try. I always sought orgasms but now I am old and it is much easier for me to delay them for a month. Good luck.

    P.S. I still get panic attacks when I realize that I am horny as heck and have to wait a long time for release. Some of us just like orgasms too much and that is normal and healthy and nothing to be disappointed about.
     
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  6. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Banned

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    #6 Mascara^Snake, Sep 29, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2014
    Gosh Vinny you do tend to write rather a lot!

    @rossnlaura I would suggest that if she is interested in chastity then it might be beneficial for her to become a member of this site.
    The problem you are experiencing is very easily solved and there are other keyholders here who can advise.

    Do feel free to drop me a line in my PM if she's at all interested in communicating without signing up.



     
  7. happyWifebetterlife
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    Ms. Amanda, vinny may be chatty, but You must admit, he is correct in every aspect. Wouldn't You agree they should explore the endless possibilities that chastity can bring to their relationship sexually and emotionally. i agree with You, as well. The journey is one to share, but She should look into it for Herself. Talk to some of the Missus'. Don't get overwhelmed. Everyone has lines they won't cross. Sort of their own moral compass, so to speak.
     
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  8. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    Searching years of posts here may mess you up. Some will advise that you should worship your wife as a goddess or that you are her slave. Some think feminization is the answer or use strict punishment. Others are into cuckolding. Some are dominant women who will color their answer coming from that mindset. I think a straight forward publically posted answer from someone not using chastity as a element of a larger fetish, has value. A PM is only of value to one person and does not allow others to comment on it. I am not part of the texting generation where complicated questions are answered in a sentence or two. I guess I could have just said to hang in there, it will get better. :)
     
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  9. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Three days or so is not really starting to get into the pleasure that can be derived for you both from having your orgasms denied.

    If and only you know IF you are really into this and its not just a fantasy then you can and will do better.

    If you are serious about not wanting to give in and pull out than start by getting a pa.
     
  10. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    Hi there,

    This lifestyle can be a huge adjustment both mentally and physically for both you and your wife so if things dont go to plan thr first couple of times dont let it put you of trying again.

    Heres my advice.

    Trust your wife, you gave her the keys because you want this and the more you relax and let her take control the more you will get out of your experience. If you can manage this and allow her confidence to blossom things will get much better.

    Talk to her often. Let her know what your fantasies are. You may not get them all but she can at least then cater the experience to suit you both. This is mainly about her but you both need to be getting something from this especially in the beginning or you will simply not want to continue.

    Talk but dont pester, remember its frustrating for you but there is alot of pressure on her in the beginning to perform to your ideas of what this about. Try to let her find her feet and as the reality of chastity sets in and she will become comfortable enforcing her own ideas. Thats when things really get intresting.

    Research SUB DROP on google. I suffered from this and had no idea it even existed. It can effect you both and if you read up on it you will make things easier for yourselfs should it happen to you.

    @Vinny gave you the best bit of advice anyone can have and i quote "Do not try to follow anyone else's version of chastity. That usually leads to disappointment". Go at your pace and let it evolve naturally.

    Good luck.
     
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  11. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    Also wanted to add that joining a community like this with other keyholders would be beneficial to your wife. If she doesn't want to do that are lots of excellent website out there for her to do research on and lots of good books too.
     
  12. Usul
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    Usul fear is the mind killer

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    3 days seemed like a long time to not cum when we first started. I won't sit here and tell you to stop being a wuss. I will say that I personally, fantasized about long term lockups for quite some time before we actually achieved it in real life. Part of that was device related issues. I agree with some of what "Happywifebetterlife" has to say, particularly, that you sir have hit the jackpot. I have never stopped being grateful that my wife was willing to get all weird with me. Enjoy the journey though, don't skip to the destination. Lots of doors to walk through, day 4 apparently being your next one.
     
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